Articles tagged with: Tour
As far as we can tell the only good thing to come out of Michael Jackson's death is that he could now remake the zombie part of his Thriller video with a much smaller portion of budget allotted to the makeup department. The choreography might be a touch less fluid, but still. In that context this whole unfortunate death thing is a Hollywood financier's dream. Joe Jackson, allegedly, thinks some other lemonade can be made from the whole mess. He's trying hard to convince MJ's three kids to take to the stage in a worldwide tour sort of way.
Since their reunion last year, the planet has been clamouring for Led Zeppelin to keep it going and take a tour around the world. And Led Zeppelin listen to their fans, which is why - at long last - the Led Zeppelin world tour has finally been announced. Imagine that - Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and John Bonham, all together again at last to smash through their hits for millions of fans around the planet. Except for John Bonham and Robert Plant, anyway - one's dead and one can't really be bothered. But nevertheless, the two other members of Led Zeppelin are going on tour anyway, and they're hiring a stand-in singer to take Robert Plant's place. By our calculations, this means that in terms of quality the Plantless Led Zeppelin tour will fall somewhere between their Live Aid set with Phil Collins and that weird Olympic thing that Jimmy Page did with Leona Lewis. Talk about a win-win!
Hello there. Usher notices that you're a lady. He's seen those ladysacks through that blouse and he approves of them wholeheartedly - do you mind if he sings? That probably isn't the intro tape to Usher's new ladies-only tour, but it should be. You see, Usher's so fed up of having his sexual R&B flow disrupted at concerts by the occasional sight of a stubbly chin or an Adam's apple that he's banned all men from his upcoming club tour. From now on, only Usher's rock hard testosterone can penetrate the moist, supple sea of oestrogen that is his audience. And you know what, we actually think it's a brilliant idea. That's why we've decided to make this article a ladies-only article. Only women are allowed to read on, because only women will be able to form a true connection with our uniquely sensual musings. Seriously though, no blokes. We'll freak out if blokes read this. Urgh.
When Madonna chose Britney Spears to star in a video for her upcoming tour, she wanted Britney to utilise her best-known talent.
So from that we can assume that Britney Spears will be singing in Madonna's video, right? Not quite. Dancing? Close, but no cigar.
Instead, Madonna's video requires Britney Spears to smash up the inside of an elevator while screaming her lungs out like some sort of crazy, red-eyed bitch from hell.
It's a stretch, we know, but somehow we think Britney Spears will be able to pull it off. We've seen Crossroads, after all, so we know what a versatile actor she can be when she's essentially limited to playing herself.
Madonna's world tour is to be called Sticky And Sweet - we're trying not to think about what makes it sticky, but it's sweet because she's making Britney Spears famous again. It's been revealed that Britney Spears is filming a special video that'll be used each night as part of Madonna's Sticky And Sweet show. As yet, nobody knows if this video will be a performance of their Me Against The Music duet or a rehash of their infamous 2003 lesbian kiss. Fingers crossed for the latter, because it's pretty much every man's dream to see a mentally unwell recovering psychiatric patient jabbing her tongue in and out of a mouth belonging to a woman who's five and a half weeks away from being eligible for a SAGA membership. Right boys? Wooar! Etc!
Americans, if you happen to stumble across an incoherent hairy Greek man asleep at the wheel of his car this summer, don't be alarmed.
Although his unshaven appearance and man boogly eyes might make you think he's homeless or a terrorist, chances are it'll just be George Michael.
George Michael has announced his first tour of America for 17 years. It'll be an undoubtedly emotional tour for him - not only will it be a chance for George Michael to claw back some of the fame he lost there in the last decade and a half but he might even get a free weekend to wank at another policeman in a toilet again, just for old time's sake.
Sometimes it can seem like the hardest thing in the world to get four old men to play bad-haired, leotard-wearing widdly-widdly-woo hard rock music together.
That's certainly the case with Van Halen. After more messily aborted reunions than you could ever wish for, Van Halen finally hit the road in September to play their bad-haired, leotard-wearing widdly-widdly-woo hard rock music to as many middle-aged bad-haired nostalgia freaks as the possibly could.
Except it couldn't last and, with crushing inevitability, the rest of the Van Halen reunion tour has been scrapped; either forever or until the band feels the need to demonstrate its innate lack of personal and organisation skills in public again.
