You may think the Super Bowl is all about a sporting event, but you’re wrong. It’s all about television and, specifically, the adverts that litter the game. American Football is the perfect sport for the advertising exec.

Why?

Well, not only is America filled with vain, greedy sporting superstars who are willing to shill to the highest bidder, but American Football is also filled with stop/start action and, for every stop, there’s a chance for a television advert. To many, the commercials are the whole reason for tuning in. IMAGINE! Anyway, if you can’t be bother with all that sport cluttering up a perfectly good break, here’s the ten best Super Bowl big game commercials.

It’s worth pointing out that, 2012 is a weird Super Bowl year. Away from the game, this year sees most of the big match commercials being put online prior to the game, which kinda takes out the surprise element which made the ads worth tuning in for.

Either way, they’re a talking point again, which will be good news to dead-hearted advertisers, who have all spent gigantic amounts of money for their precious 30 seconds of airtime.

Of course, if you live in the UK, you won’t see any of these because the Super Bowl is shown on the BBC, which doesn’t have commercials, so expect near endless punditry.

Anyway, here’s the ten best commercials.

The Seinfeld One

The One With Curtains Made From Pizza

The One Where A Woman Assaults A Man

The Star Wars One

The Awful Ferris Bueller One

The David Beckham In His Underpants One

The One Where The Bloke Nearly Dies

The One With The Man Who Has A Singing Shoulder

The One With A Vampire Party

The One With A Car Full Of Dogs

The word retro is often misused. People tend to mean ‘old’, rather than something new, that looks vintage. That’s what retro is. Anyway, we got thinking about retro things and, in particular, cartoons.

That’s because cartoons are the best thing ever, ever, EVER.

Of course, there was a golden age of cartoons with Bugs Bunny, Tom & Jenny, Roadrunner et all, providing us with snappy jokes, immediate punchlines and amazing, hair-raising action! But cartoons didn’t stop being good. In fact, in recent years, some ‘toons have tried to recreate that vintage animation spectacle, capturing the spirit of getting hit in the face with a pan, or better yet, a complete and utter disregard for being remotely realistic. In short, let’s look at the best retro cartoons!

Naturally, being retro cartoons, they have to be pretty modern, yet hark back to a different age. It goes without saying that all cartoons owe something to The Flintstones or Elmer Fudd, but we’re interested in those that explicitly lean on the great cartoons of yesteryear.

Sometimes it’s in the spirit of the show, sometimes you’ll find it in the drawings themselves.

What got us thinking about old ‘toons was Müller’s wünderful stuff campaign that brings back Muttley, The Mr Men and Yogi Bear. We loved all those shows. If you haven’t seen the commercial yet (seriously? It’s everywhere!), have a look at it now.

Anyway, onto our favourite cartoons, all that definitely a vibe of the past about them. You’re advised to disagree with us and spout off in the comments.

Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends

Johnny Bravo

Ren & Stimpy

Dexter’s Lab

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Adventure Time

Power Puff Girls

Fairly OddParents

The Regular Show

Samurai Jack

This post was sponsored by Muller, which is nice of them, eh?

Queen are a terrible band aren’t they? Overblown, pompous, noodly bollocks for people who can’t bring themselves to dance or listen to anything with a trace of funk. They’re so white they’re borderline Aryan.

Still, there’s obviously a huge market of Stock Broker Rock and Queen have hardly struggled throughout their career.

But what is it that people like about them? Well, if you ask Brian May, it’s because they “speak for common people”.

Speaking to the BBC, May said that he felt that the band had endured because…

“We’re not the most technically accomplished, we’re not virtuosos. We speak how we feel and I think we speak for common people. We’ve always been a people’s band. We’re not locked into any time frame, we speak for people’s dreams, hopes and aspirations and I think that endures”.

Now, let’s look at that statement. They speak to the common man. They speak for people’s dreams. They’re a ‘people’s band’.

That’s Brian May there, the star-gazing, elitist, Tory-voting, Royal-loving, clog-wearer who was in a band that thought nothing of playing in apartheid South Africa.

Yeah. Real man-of-the-people Bri’!

Still, we’re wrong to attack your personal lives. You were talking about your band weren’t you, with their real ‘of the people’ lyrics eh?

Scaramouche! Fandango! Galileo! Figaro! Magnifico! Bismillah!

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Halloween is just about the perfect festival. Why? Well, because there’s no stupid religion involved, you can get as drunk as you like, guilt free.

GUILT FREE!

Better yet, you can get drunk while dressed as a brain-eating zombie. What’s not to like? Apart from trick or treating children. NOTHING. THAT’S WHAT. And someone who really, really enjoys Halloween is Heidi Klum. She makes a real effort this time of year and so, we’re having a look at her best outfits from her Halloween ball.

Klum, who is married to Seal if you need to know that kind of terribly dull information, really pulls out the stops with her costumes.

Basically, she puts us all to shame. Massively.

If you think you look pretty good with a bit of blood on your face or felt really pleased because you dressed up like Elvira, you’ve got NOTHING on Klum.

SHE TORE HER SKIN OFF THIS YEAR.

And so, let us peer at her finest Halloween outfits and all wish we had the time and money she has.

The poo face.

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When we make lists, they’re usually pretty easy to do. You just take your own opinion of something, prioritise it and throw it in an article without giving the consequences much thought. As such, we still have people arguing the toss (pun intended) over our ‘Top’ Sci-Fi babes & newscasters.

Of course, some lists aren’t that easy to come up with and require rigorously observed criteria in order to make them acceptable for the delicate eyes of our readers.

Our quest was long and arduous but we got there in the end.

Hallowe’en costumes are the sort of thing that you really want to get right. Imagine you’re at a party dressed as a comedy dog turd and that girl/guy that you’ve fancied for ages shows up. The last thing you want is to- quite literally- look like a canine has just expelled you from its rectum.

That’s where the costume makers come in, these kings of convenience will sell you a costume to suit your every whim and fancy, and all for a reasonably small fee.

That’s the criteria of this list- to make it, the costume has to be an all-in-one that you can buy from the internet. None of this “oh, look at the terrible craftsmanship in that gentleman’s homemade ghost costume” tripe here. We’ve also included the links, should you need to pick up some last minute Hallowe’en garb.

Our gratitude to the people of the good ship Twitter for helping us compile this list.

10. Zombie Cowboy

Okay, so they’re not all sexy.

We’ll concede the fact that this is far from the worst costume of the bunch but the mask really lets it down. “Oh, you’ve come as a zombie Charles Manson? You know he didn’t use guns and just convinced people to do his killing for him?” Perhaps the most disturbing element of the costume is the fact that the mask looks one of Jim Henson’s Imagineers turned Manson into a muppet. Chilling.

Highlight: The wee plastic rifle. Not included.

Want it? You can get it here.

9. The Kinky Krayon

The trend for attending Hallowe’en shindigs dressed as a child’s drawing implement is long established but what if you want to go as a wax rod and maintain your femininity? Well, this naughty crayon might be for you. Just don’t put up with any phallic innuendo.

Highlight: This seems to be endorsed by Crayola.

Want it? Get it here.

8. Inflatable Jabba The Hutt

Star Wars fans are always arguing about the minutiae of their favourite film series but, in the first of our Star Wars entries, why not do it dressed like an inflatable, post-stroke Vanessa Feltz? It’s difficult not to suggest that this costume looks like a mutilated penis so… err… this costume looks like a mutilated penis!

Highlight: Its almost looks like he’s winking at you.

Want it? Why wouldn’t you? Get your grubby paws on it here.

7. ‘Why Helllllloow’ Kitty

hecklerspray are by no means moral crusaders. In fact, the less clothes we can put on something, the better. However, this might just take the global obsession with the glorified Nyan Cat, Hello Kitty, a little bit too far. Also, it doesn’t seem to sit very well around the crotch…

Highlight: It barely covers your arse which is exactly what you want from a beloved children’s character.

Want it? You’re a sick puppy.

6. Don’t Cross the Streams

I ain’t afraid of no hot-pants! Seriously though, this one is just wholly impractical. The Ghostbusters wear boiler suits for a reason- to keep the ectoplasm off their skin. With this costume, you could end up with ectoplasm splattered all over your ch- oh… gotcha.

Highlight: A jaunty cap which really sets the whole thing off.

Want it? Buy it with your hard-earned pennies here.

5. Sexually Inappropriate iPhone

In fairness, if this costume was actually called “sexually inappropriate iPhone” then it might be funny but as it is they’ve picked a man who looks enough like a rapist to make this abortion of a costume worthwhile. You’ll notice that some of the buttons are, instead of apps, sexually suggestive comments. We assume that they’re there so that ladies can swan up and touch the one that they want to do with him or at least use them to target their punches.

Highlight: The “turn me on” button that probably doubles as a makeshift glory hole.

Want it? You can buy it on Amazon. Yeah, Amazon.

4. Mind the Gap!

Yes, that’s right folks. In at number 4, it’s everyone’s favourite walking fuzzball given a 21st century update by costume makers so that women can feel sexy while dressed up like a strategically shaved sasquatch. What’s in the pouch? A Wookiee never reveals its secrets.

Or is that a magician?

Highlight: The fur-lined Wookiee pants which will have Star Wars fans from here to Mos Eisley drooling into their inflatable Jabba the Hutt costumes.

Want it? Really? (If that’s not enough, you might enjoy the PVC Darth Vader & Stormtrooper in one of the pictures)

Let it go down in lore that the following costumes are the worst costumes that we have ever seen on sale. In all honesty, they’re probably about equal but we’ve scored them based on how much they ruined much-loved franchises.

3. Cool But Rude?

Let’s remember that classic theme song for a moment. “Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines, Raphael is cool but rude, Michaelangelo is a party dude.” This costume combines all of those elements for those looking to lead people to the bedroom, use a vibrator on them, never call them again and then go to another party to repeat the process. What have you come as? The corruption of childhood memories. Oh, wonderful.

Highlight: PVC boots designed to really accentuate the message of the outfit.

Want it? Of course you do, you kinky thing.

2. Optimus Primed & Ready For Action

It has long been a trucker’s dream that the rig would magically transform into a beautiful woman but it’s so unclear what this costume is actually supposed to be that it would leave even the most ardent truck-fan flaccid. Still, at least it’s not a Michael Bay transformer or you’d be able to see right through her and into the vacuous pit of money where Bay himself lies, mocking everyone that grew up in the 80s & 90s.

Highlight: The two diddy little wheels attached to the shoulders. It’s supposed to make it clearer.

Want it? If you must…

1. Dead or Alive, You’re Coming With Us

What’s that? You didn’t think it could get worse than Optimus Prime? Well, ladies & gentlemen, your number one is the sexy Robocop. Part french maid, part law enforcement cyborg, this costume will set you back about $70 (in that American money) and will ensure that no-one speaks to you all night. Although, for only $30 extra you can get a holster implanted into your leg by a South American doctor in a grubby operating room. Excellent value.

Highlight: Worried that people might mistake the costume for a “tarty Geordi LaForge” the makers of the costume added in a neck band which clearly states who the person is supposed to be. Gets rid of the awkward “what have you come as?” questions. “Oh, you’ve come as an idiot.”

Want it? You’re the worst kind of scum.

So there you have it folks, there’s some real doozies in there but we know that you’ll be all fixed up and will end the evening with your pants around your ankles, vomitting into a Jack o’ Lantern and isn’t that what Hallowe’en’s all about?

Yes, yes it is.

Americans just can’t seem to get enough British TV at the moment. Sherlock, Life on Mars, Antiques Roadshow, Outnumbered, Footballers’ Wives, Celebrity Fit Club, Richard Blackwood’s Renaissance Showdown – they’ll remake practically anything it seems, even British programmes that they’ve already remade.

First Britain created Pop Idol. Then America snapped it up. Then Britain created The X Factor (essentially the same show as Pop Idol – but with red). Now America has their very own X Factor (American Idol – but with red).

The Yanks love bad British TV so much that they’ve even snapped up Jeremy Kyle to present exactly the same show as the one that he presents here – but in the US! He might have lost the intense neon blue lighting that made his programme seem like it was being presented from within an ultraviolet fly killer and gained a really small washed-out picture of the New York skyline, but essentially it’s the same – the same types of people, the same completely-unqualified-to-comment-on-anything advice being dished out, etc. Oh, how things were different way back when.

Once there was a time when the boot was on the other foot.

British TV used to be full of trashy American rip-offs and remakes. We’d help ourselves to anything.

“Card-based game show?” a TV executive might have said during this time. “Sure, we’ll take that, attach a minor British celebrity host and put their name in title, as if the card-based game show was actually their brainchild.”

Gone are those golden days of television, but as a reminder, for no reason whatsoever, here ten British programmes that have been heavily inspired by American television.

Feel free to add your own in the comments or generally hurl abuse at us.

Strange But True? (Unsolved Mysteries)

Strange But True? was a ‘90s documentary series that explored supernatural phenomena. It was essentially just a British version of the popular American series Unsolved Mysteries, but whereas Unsolved Mysteries was, at times, genuinely quite creepy, Strange But True? mostly consisted of Michael Aspel sporting a polo neck and speculating on the UFO activity of small Yorkshire villages.

In the first episode of Strange But True? Michael attempts to get to the bottom of a jaw-dropping mystery in which a dead body has been discovered on top of a pile of coal. “If there was no disturbance to the coal,” asks an interviewed policeman, who’s worryingly in charge of the case, “then how’d he get up there?”

So, yeah, coal disturbance. Coal disturbance is the best mystery this country could produce. Unfortunately, Strange But True? the mood and atmosphere or the show isn’t helped by its jolly little musical sting either. Rather than sounding eerie or unusual in anyway, it sounds as if it’s been lifted from a particularly awful ITV family drama.
There’s also just something about that title as well – Strange But True? Why is there a question mark at the end? And what does that mean? What is that short for?

“How very strange…but true, I wonder?”

Brighton Belles (The Golden Girls)

Brighton Belles was Britain’s long awaited, completely 100% necessary answer to US sitcom The Golden Girls. But whereas the title “The Golden Girls” had a warm, slightly cornball sound to it, Brighton Belles sounded like the kind of series you’d expect to find sandwiched between a couple of X-rated UK dogging DVDs in the scum section of CEX. This, coupled with the fact that it was awful, is probably why there’s very little mention of its existence online.

Only 6 episodes of the series aired during the Brighton Belles’ original run, with the final four episodes airing over a year later.

Fun House (Fun House)

It’s hard to imagine wacky, ‘90s game show Fun House without the programme’s beloved host Pat Sharp, unashamedly parading around a brightly coloured studio with his trademark lame jokes, good looks and well-cultivated mullet. Essentially, the games were always simply filler next to Pat’s segments. Each week he’d burst into the studio, often with the aid of a vehicle, wearing something like a turquoise tracksuit with the word “SASSY” written on it, before performing some of his latest material and introducing his two seductive co-hosts, Melanie and Martina (who we’ve interviewed no less).

But despite its lack of Pat the original Fun House isn’t all that bad. Hosted by all-American dreamboat J.D. Roth, who unfortunately takes a much less ridiculous approach than Pat, contestants, much like in the UK version, use their bodies and their brains as they compete to try and win the game. It’s wacky, fun, crazy, it’s outrageous; it’s still Fun House essentially.

The X Factor (The O’Reilly Factor)

Sure, one’s a really awful political show and the other’s a really awful TV talent contest, but the influence is there.
The X Factor was one of the first of a whole wave of programmes to adopt Bill O’Reilly’s notion that televised bullying is not only acceptable, but also completely justified, advocating it with ridiculously hammy editing techniques and reaction shots to remind confused viewers what they should be thinking. Both shows have become inexplicably popular over the years, mostly due to the fact that they contain non-stop caterwauling, shouting and impressive sounding swoosh noises.

But to be fair, these two shows do have their fair share of differences as well. Having the “X Factor” obviously refers to that indescribable quality, that certain something, that makes a mediocre pop singer seem marginally more talented than other mediocre pop singers. Whereas having “The O’Reilly Factor” quite clearly refers to that indescribable quality that makes somebody an obnoxious, unprofessional bigot who resorts to raising his voice at the drop of a hat.
Incidentally, The O’Reilly Factor has also provided the inspiration for Richard Littlejohn’s Batshit Insane Lunatic Hour, which currently airs every Wednesday at 7pm on Sky News.

Dale’s Supermarket Sweep (Supermarket Sweep)

The fundamental flaw with both of these shows lies with the fact supermarkets are actually quite depressing places. Admittedly, in the British version, Dale Winton’s trademark euphemisms and unapologetically orange charm help make the programme seem marginally less sad, but essentially it still feels like watching drunks in Tesco manically pack their trollies full of cider and peanuts.

The American version isn’t much better. The studio audience is a mixed blessing; on the one hand, it makes the show feel less like it’s being shot at 3am in an abandoned warehouse, but on the other, it makes the show seem like a 30 minute infomercial that’s forgot what its supposed to be advertising.

Sean’s Show (It’s Garry Shandling’s Show)

In It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, future creator of the fantastic Larry Sanders Show, Garry Shandling, stars as himself: a neurotic stand-up comedian, who just so happens to be aware that he’s a character in a sitcom. The other members of the cast are also aware that they’re on TV and sometimes show up to Garry’s house with the sole purpose of appearing on camera.

The British sitcom Sean’s Show, which stars comedian Sean Hughes, follows largely the same premise, but with a more surreal twist.

Coupling (Friends)

During the early part of the ‘00s, somebody decided that it was about time that Britain had its very own version of Friends. Then, bizarrely, the Americans decided that they wanted their very own version of Coupling (see here), seemingly unaware that it was very similar to one of their own shows. Then Britain decided that if America was allowed to have an American version of Coupling, then Britain should be allowed to have their very own American version of Coupling. And so on. And so on. And so on.

The Apprentice (The Apprentice)

The original American Apprentice stars Republican nutsack lookalike and business tycoon Donald Trump. It’s difficult to say which series is best; on the one hand, the American show features Donald Trump and gaudy, overly flashy graphics, whereas the British version simply able to fill us all with a great sense of national shame. It really is too difficult to call.

Bruce Forsyth’s Play Your Cards Right (Card Sharks)

“Okay, so we’ve got this American programme, right? It’s called Card Sharks, but naturally, I’m assuming that we’ll want to get either Beadle or Forsyth in on the action. I really can’t see the name ‘Card Sharks’ working in the UK. Brits don’t care for sharks. But they do love Forsyth, Beadle and lamo titles that don’t really mean anything. I’m thinking something like ‘Beadle’s Wonder Cards’ or ‘Bruce Forsyth’s Cards Ahoy!’. Something like that.”

Lead Balloon (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

It’s difficult to write about Lead Balloon without drawing comparisons to Curb Your Enthusiasm. The situations, the humour, the characters and the basic premise of both shows are undeniably similar – often to the point where Lead Balloon ends up covering ground that Curb Your Enthusiasm has already covered multiple times before. Both are grossly overrated.

This was a guest post by Jack Sharp who loves his television set much more than any human.

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Argue all you want, but there’s absolutely no denying that George Harrison is the coolest of The Beatles. John and Paul fought it out for best songwriter while George slid into effortless cool, taking it easy and releasing records as and when he pleased.

How cool was George? He faced everything with a shrug. The Quiet Beatle wrote in his diary in ’69: “Got up went to Twickenham rehearsed until lunchtime — left the Beatles — went home, and in the evening did King of Fuh at Trident studio, had chips later.”

And so, with Martin Scorsese’s documentary ‘George Harrison: Living in the Material World’ getting everyone talking about George, let us look at his best music… okay?

Of all the Beatles, George was almost certainly the most identifiable as a proper individual. At times, he almost seemed to be separate from the rest of the Fabs, with John and Paul vying for leadership and Ringo looking like he’d be lost without them (although his leaving the group at one point suggests otherwise).

Thanks to this icy cool, George went from being nerdy, guitar-geek to someone who was a bona-fide counter-culture pin-up who didn’t even need to try to be the Beatle with the best swagger.

It is because of this laid-back approach that his music in the Fab Four (and beyond) is so often overlooked. So while he’s briefly in the spotlight again, let us peer at his backcat and check out his best work.

Feel free to disagree and get outraged at omissions in the comments.

WAH WAH

HERE COMES THE SUN

WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS (Acoustic version)

TAXMAN

MY SWEET LORD

ISN’T IT A PITY

IF I NEEDED SOMEONE

SOMETHING

NOT GUILTY

FAR EAST MAN

BEWARE OF DARKNESS

BONUS TRACK: THE PIRATE SONG

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