Right now, Jay Leno needs a friend. Well, OK, not a friend as such. What Jay Leno needs is a sycophant with a guitar.
This isn’t usually a problem. Because no matter how many painfully unfunny jokes he tells, or how many soul-crushingly mediocre local newspaper headlines he reads out, Jay Leno knows that his bandleader Kevin Eubanks will get a kick out of them. Because Kevin Eubanks is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most easily amused man on the face of the planet.
But now it’s been reported that Kevin Eubanks has had enough of Jay Leno. Apparently Kevin plans to leave Jay Leno’s new Tonight Show at some point in the near future. We’re not sure why, but he probably wants to move onto a job where he gets to laugh at things that are slightly funnier than Jay Leno. Like, you know, terminal illness or the collected works of Sylvia Plath.
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These are interesting times for Jay Leno. Sure, he’s always been an odd-looking, charmless, unfunny man.
But people liked him. Now, though, thanks to the palaver over NBC and The Tonight Show, that’s all switched around. Because he’s seen, rightly or wrongly, as the man who forced Conan O’Brien off the air, Jay Leno has emerged as the villain of the piece – a reputation not helped by the fact that he looks like the sort of person who’d sneak into your house and night and stab you through the eyeball with his chin.
Anyway, in a last-ditch attempt to win the public over again, Jay Leno has appeared on Oprah to say that he’d like to talk to Conan O’Brien soon. That’s more or less what he said, anyway – what he said was a bit more whiny and annoying. And unfunny, too. Don’t forget unfunny.
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This Jay Leno/ Conan O’Brien thing is still rumbling on, even though it’s been going for three weeks.
Or five years. Or 17 years. Or wherever you want to draw the starting line. Anyway, it’s been going on for so long that a pattern has developed – Conan O’Brien uses his show to bash NBC, Jay Leno uses his show to sort of bash NBC but not enough for anyone to be convinced and the whole world remains fixated on the saga of two middle-aged millionaires who read Tiger Woods jokes from pieces of cardboard for a living.
But last night the formula changed. Jay Leno used his show to put his side of the story across. And there wasn’t a single joke in the entire segment. Which, come to think of it, isn’t that unusual for Jay Leno.
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You know how bad films often end with the villain coming back to life after it looks like he’s been killed?
Jay Leno does. He’s just like Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze, only with a deadly razor-sharp chin and bad jokes instead of metal claws. Fans of late night television probably thought they’d seen the last of Jay Leno when he left the Tonight Show last year to start his stupid new 10pm programme. But – and brace yourself for this – he might be back soon.
According to reports, Leno may soon leave 10pm, reclaim the Tonight Show and push NBC’s late-night schedule back so far that Jimmy Fallon‘s show would air to an audience exclusively made up of badgers, werewolves and weeping, emotionally distressed would-be murderers. So it’s not all bad news, then.
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Right now, Jay Leno needs a friend. Well, OK, not a friend as such. What Jay Leno needs is a sycophant with a guitar.
