Think about Will Smith in your piddling mind. Go on. Try. What are you thinking? That he seems like an inoffensively nice bloke. The kind of chap you could take home to mama and everything would be AOK?
WRONG! JESUS CHRIST, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? THE MAN IS CLEARLY A MONSTER!
How so? Well, you may have seen recently, that the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air go back together for a nice reunion. One person wasn’t there. That person is Janet Hubert and she wants you all to know the truth about Will Smith and what a massive jerk he is. Honest. He’s nearly as bad as Lucifer himself. No, it’s nothing to do with his pop-rap career which blossomed with a WIKKIWILDWILDWEST.
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May 2012 will see the return of Men In Black in the imaginatively titled Men In Black 3. Once again, we’ll be seeing Will Smith ostensibly being The Fresh Prince: Still Has A Job With The Government and Tommy Lee Jones looking really, really old.
Of course, the first MIB was something of a light-relief puffpiece which was the remedy to the shade of loads of overbearing, dense sci-fi flicks… but now?
Well, it’s just nakedly nothing more than franchisism. Is their any point to a new Men In Black film? YES THERE IS. AND WE’LL HALF-HEARTEDLY TELL YOU WHY.
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There’s been a lot of buzz surrounding the release of the new Captain America film, despite the fact that, as superheroes go, Captain America is pretty lame. He’s called Captain America for starters – how lame is that?
Anyway, the first full movie trailer for Paramount/Marvel flick has arrived online, much to everyone’s initial thrill.
Captain America: The First Avenger has been directed by Joe Johston (who did… uh… Jurassic Park III and Jumanji… Christ, this is going to be awful isn’t it?) and stars (no, not that one) Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Stanley Tucci, Sebastian Stan, Toby Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Dominic Cooper, Tommy Lee Jones, Derek Luke and Neal McDonough. For the most part: Who? Whatever. Trailer is over the jump.
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If there’s one thing Hecklerspray’s always hated it’s getting third degree burns all over our body after sitting too close to an exploding easy-bake oven.
If there’s another thing Hecklerspray hates it’s including Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in any potential Goonies sequels – unless of course one of them is playing a revamped Sloth. Smoosh Smith’s right eye way down, get him a chubby boy to fall in love with – and in all likelihood you’d got yourself some Oscar nods.
Speaking of which – you know how Josh Brolin was in Goonies? Well that allows us an awkward tie-in to Men In Black 3.
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As his characters in The Fugitive, Men In Black and, um, Men In Black 2 have shown time and time again, Tommy Lee Jones is not a man to be messed with.
So when the producers of No Country For Old Men started to muck around with Tommy Lee Jones’ salary, it was always going to end up with one of two scenarios – either Tommy Lee Jones was going to chase them through the woods with a gang of fearsome US Marshalls until they’re forced to jump off a waterfall, or he’d just sue them.
So he sued them. Tommy Lee Jones has launched a lawsuit against the producers of No Country For Old Men because he says they paid him $10 million less than they said they would. $10 million is lot of money which, having seen No Country For Old Men, equates roughly to $5 million for every word that Tommy Lee Jones spoke in it, so no wonder he’s narked off.
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The history of cinema has given us many a bad haircut over the years.
Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich, Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code and Nicholas Cage in pretty much everything since the turn of the millennium. Never before though has someone with such a bad haircut been so terrifying and menacing than Chigurh, played by Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men.
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