Mayerston? Johnnifer? Jehn Anistayer? Manny Man Maniston? We need to think up a cute compound name fast, because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back on.

That’s right – Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, the celebrity couple that you know nobody cares the slightest sniff about, presumably not even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, who get shoved into your face around the clock regardless – are back on, with Aniston apparently being the guest of honour at Mayer’s 31st birthday party.

What’s more, John Mayer has apparently written a song about Jennifer Aniston to show his devotion, sealing their romance. The song, entitled Shut Up You Whiny Pinch-Faced Bitch, is due for release next month by the way.

Jennifer Aniston is starting to get on a little in years now, and her biological clock must be positively shrieking at her 24/7. Presumably it’s shrieking for her to have a baby so overwhelmingly bland that she may as well just push a pillowcase with with a marker-pen face drawn on it out of her birth canal, because her romantic partner of choice lately seems to be John Mayer, and he certainly has the genes to provide that function.

Not so long ago John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston were on, before suddenly deciding to be off again. Since then, we expect that John Mayer has been on a journey of painful introspection, anguished that he’d let the love of his life slip through his fingers just because he was mildly ashamed that he looked like a boy having an inappropriate romance with his auntie every time they went out together.

But lately there have been signs that the Manny Man Maniston relationship – yeah, we think we’ll stick with that one – was starting to flourish again. Last week Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were seen kissing at an airport, and now it seems that things are taking a turn for the serious in a blizzard of flirty text messages, birthday party invitations and songwriting, as a source told The Mirror:

“Determined to show he’s a changed man, John has cut right back down on his drinking and has pledged to quit smoking rollies – two things that really annoyed Jennifer. He has even written a song about their time together and played it to Jennifer who, naturally, was incredibly touched. But so far things are going well, and both parties are hopeful of a long-term reconciliation.”

It sounds sweet, doesn’t it, that John Mayer has thought to write a song for Jennifer Aniston. But remember, any sweetness in the gesture is obliterated by the fact that it’s a John Mayer song, and is therefore probably about as romantic as watching your boyfriend have sex with your sister as he repeatedly punches you about the face.

But still, if it makes both of them happy, then we should all be thrilled for Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer. Without a doubt, each of them has found the perfect partner for traipsing around the world scowling at the paparazzi while secretly being pleased that they’re considered important enough to still be paparazzi targets. It’s sweet.

And, yes, if they’re back on it means we’ll have to brace ourselves for a flurry of messy John Mayer/ Jennifer Aniston split stories that roughly coincide with the DVD release of He’s Just Not That Into You, but we’ll throw ourselves off that bridge when we come to it.

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were perhaps the greatest couple ever, given that they’re both carefree, fun-loving, girl-haired attention-seekers.

And that’s why, when Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up earlier this year, the world slipped into a deep gloom. For instance, you know how the stock market collapsed and capitalism ended and food and fuel prices suddenly surged and the environment’s on the brink of disaster and we’re all going to die of bird flu? Yeah, that all happened because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer split up. It’s true.

However, it’s time to get out the bunting because now Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together! And if they’re not back together, then they’ve almost certainly been caught with their tongues wedged right the way down each other’s gullet in an airport in front of everyone. So, you know, get the bunting out once the waves of nausea have subsided. There’s no rush.

Say what you like about Brad Pitt, but he does love a woman who can shamelessly whore out her entire live to promote a movie. His current squeeze Angelina Jolie does this by buying her children weapons every time she’s got a film out, but even that’s no match for the level of dedication shown by his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston.

Jennifer Aniston is the queen of movie promotion. She loves promoting movies so much that when she made The Break-Up she got together with her co-star during filming just so they could break up during The Break-Up‘s DVD promotion. That’s literal commitment so strong you can only breathe a sigh of relief that the film wasn’t called Doing A Poo In The Road Next To Some Crying Children.

And now Jennifer Aniston has two movies coming out shortly – He’s Just Not That Into You and Marley & Me. Dating her co-stars was out for both of these – The five leads in He’s Just Not That Into You are all female and being a lesbian is gross, and her co-star in Marley & Me is Owen Wilson, which wouldn’t exactly be a bundle of giggles – but it’s OK because Jennifer Aniston has a plan B.

And that’s John Mayer. Oh, come on. John Mayer. He went out with Jennifer Aniston briefly in the summer before they split up about five seconds later. You know, girly hair. Foppish-looking. When he’s in public with Jennifer Aniston he looks like a little boy out with his inappropriately sexual mother. Yeah, that’s the one.

Well, apparently Jennifer Aniston is back with John Mayer again. Because they were both seen at an airport totally making out and being all like ‘unng-unng-uh-uh’ with their tongues all over each other. Totally. The National Enquirer said so:

“They were very lovey-dovey. They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly. John gave her a long, lingering kiss… Jennifer was in New York doing some shopping before she starts promotional work for her new movies. John was relaxing after finishing his international tour, and they hooked up.“

Is it just us, or did anyone else expect that description to wander into Mills & Boon territory? ‘They hugged each other tightly. John gave her a long, lingering kiss. The touch of his fingertips brought a spike of desire to her very core. She gasped with pleasure as he wantonly ran his fingers along the top of her silk unmentionables…’

Anyway, don’t get too excited about the prospect of a full-on Jennifer Ansiton/John Mayer reunion, because these reports are all completely unconfirmed. For all we know, that wasn’t even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer kissing anyway – it could have just been two people who look like Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, or a rudimentary papier mache sculpture of a woman and a pretty mop.

No, we don’t know which one would be who either.

It’s been eight or nine seconds since our last Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo update, so you’re probably flapping about like a cold turkey junkie desperate for more.

No? You’re not? Your interest in Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo’s relationship is completely casual and you can stop reading about them any time you want? Stop kidding yourself, you’ve got a problem. Listen, if you’re not addicted to Jessica Simpson news, then try not to read the next paragraph.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were spotted out eating dinner last weekend, prompting speculation that their relationship is back on. Yeah, that’s right. We knew you’d read it. And we haven’t even got to the part about Jessica Simpson apparently cheating on Tony Romo with Jared Leto, either. Addict.

People always want what they can’t have, don’t they? Look at Jessica Simpson – she’s desperate for all the things she can’t have, like a regular-shaped jawbone and a voice that doesn’t make her cry with shame whenever she hears it.

She’s got plenty, like a Dad-pleasing rack and a lovely athletic boyfriend, but that means nothing. Especially when Ashlee Simpson keeps rubbing her dirty-looking emo husband from a rubbish band under Jessica’s nose. That’s why, if rumours in the National Enquirer are to be believed, Jessica Simpson went out and slept with the world’s dirtiest-looking emo from the world’s rubbishest band – Jared Leto from 30 Seconds To Mars – while she was still with Tony Romo.

If the rumours are true, then they seem to prove two key facts about Jessica Simpson – firstly that she just loves those boys with four-letter consonant vowel consonant vowel surnames, and secondly that she enjoys jeopardising relationships with nice young men by having quick bunk-ups with grubby blokes who look quite smelly, like the Jackass boys who Jessica allegedly slept with during her marriage to Nick Lachey.

But don’t get too excited about the imminent prospect of a mentally-scarring Simpson/Leto sex tape, because Jared Leto’s manager has denied that any of it happened. And, just to prove how strong they are, Jessica Simpson has been seen out eating giant hunks of meat with Tony Romo, as OK! reports:

The on-again-off-again twosome holed themselves up in a corner booth at N9NE Steakhouse in Dallas’ Victory Park on Saturday, the Dallas Morning News reports. Enjoying a hearty meal of steak (her) and burger (him), Tony and Jess kept to themselves, but did acknowledge Tony’s teammate, Isaiah Stanback, a receiver/kick returner, who was also at the establishment with his parents.

So, it looks like after splitting up with him and the possibly getting back together with him, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are definitely back on.* Hooray!

And, better than that, Jessica Simpson didn’t have sex with Jared Leto! That’s good news for all kinds of reasons – mainly because the thought of Jared Leto’s naked pasty emo body makes us feel physically ill, but partly because if it was true, Ashlee Simpson would have to retaliate by sleeping with someone more rubbish and unconvincingly emo to reinforce her position as emo Simpson daughter number one. And the only person more rubbish and unconvincingly emo than Jared Leto is evil Peter Parker from Spider-Man 3. Ugh.

*hecklerspray reserves the right to change its mind about this and pretend that they were always doomed wherenever the next Jessica Simpson/ Tony Romo split rumour comes along. So by the end of the day, then.

Did you cry when you discovered that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo had split up?

We sure did, but that was only because we were busy trying to take out our brain by ramming knitting needles up our nostrils just so we wouldn’t have to hear about titting Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo all the arseing time. It stung, OK?

Anyway, if you did cry when Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split up then get ready to do a happy little jig – Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back on! Or they might be back on based on one report of hand-holding! Or they aren’t back together at all! Or they’re forever doomed to a lifetime of unrelenting misery! Either way, let’s all do a happy little jig anyway! Whee! We may have pierced the part of our brain that regulates inhibition! Wheeeeee!

You’re probably wondering what everyone’s obsession with the Simpson family is at the moment. What with Ashlee Simpson’s wedding and Joe Simpson’s resurgent megalomania and Jessica Simpson’s persistant romantic misery, you’re lucky if you can go ten seconds without having a bright orange jaw the size of a paddling pool thrust into your face and be expected to care about it. But why?

Well, it’s partly because Jessica Simpson is an enduring everywoman with flaws and disappointments just like the rest of us. And it’s partly because piss-all else has happened lately.

Most recently, it’s been the relationship between Jessica Simpson and pad-wearing athlete Tony Romo that’s been getting the most attention, largely because nobody can work out whether they’ve split up or not. First Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were definitely together, then they were apparently definitely apart, then Tony accompanied Jessica Simpson to her sister’s wedding out of a sense of awkward guilt and now nobody has a clue about anything.

While some reports are suggesting that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo spent the duration of Ashlee Simpson’s wedding looking dour and miserable, another report has surfaced claiming that they were all over each other like a disgusting big-jawed rash. People reports:

“They were very cozy and cute together,” said a source close to the couple. As for Saturday’s wedding and Alice In Wonderland-themed reception, Romo continued to shower the elder Simpson, 27, with attention, said the source.  “They were kissing and holding hands throughout the night,” added the insider. “He was very sweet to her. They were very much a couple.”

There you go, haters. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are definitely still a couple, and it must be true because someone close to the couple who was at the wedding and wanted to go to all the trouble of telling a national magazine about something they essentially have nothing to do with said so.

So probably Joe Simpson, then. And just because Joe Simpson is fiercely dedicated to maintaining a positive media image for his daughters doesn’t mean it’s not true. Jessica and Tony are as much of a couple as they ever were. Someone ought to tell Tony, though – chances are it’s news to him.

Read more:

Jessica & Tony’s Wedding Day PDA – People

Travel advice now for Jewish, crotch-repulsed drivers headed to Costa Rica this weekend – don’t go!

Don’t go! We’re not messing around! If you go to Costa Rica this weekend, you’re in for a really terrible time. We’re not joking. Because joining you in Costa Rica will be notorious hell-raisers Britney Spears and Mel Gibson. And people – Britney Spears and Mel Gibson have gone to Costa Rica… together!

But one crumb of comfort should be taken in the fact that Britney Spears and Mel Gibson haven’t gone to Costa Rica for a romantic getaway. Because, seriously, if Britney’s berserk, bipolar, approval-starved genes got mixed up with Mel’s angry, alcoholic, racially-suspicious, hardline religious genes to create a new life, well, we’ll have found that life-long malevolent global oppressor we’ve been dreading.

With the Burmese cyclone and the Chinese earthquake, the last thing the planet needs now is for yet another natural disaster to decimate it. We’re not sure if Britney Spears and Mel Gibson going on holiday to Costa Rica together qualifies as a natural disaster, but we’re furiously ramming crates of tinned food into an aid package just in case.

Because it’s hard to think of two celebrities who’ve made more of a douchey impact on the world over the last few years than Britney Spears and Mel Gibson.

While Britney’s been suffering from a gradual tick tick tick of spiralling mental instability that’s run the gauntlet from professional failure through allegations of child abuse all the way to a stint in a psychiatric hospital, Mel destroyed his life in one moment of explosive drunken car-driving anti-Semetic sex-threatening sugartittery. Different methods, sure, but with mainly the same result.

And this shared love of buggering their own lives up almost beyond repair have meant that Britney Spears and Mel Gibson have struck up an unlikely friendship. Two months ago Britney and Mel were seen eating Russian food together, and now that’s been extended into a horrific-sounding Spears/Gibson family holiday in sunny Costa Rica. E! Online reports:

E! News has confirmed the singer joined Mel Gibson aboard a private jet this morning, bound for Costa Rica. The unlikely, but not unprecedented, duo was joined on their trip by Spears’ father, Jamie, and Gibson’s wife, Robyn. Though the exact nature of the trip is not yet known, it appears to be nothing more than a friendly weekend getaway, with a source telling E! News the group departed from Los Angeles with the intention of hanging out at Gibson’s Costa Rica property “for a couple days.”

Actually, it’s cruel of us to suggest that Britney and Mel’s weekend in Costa Rica will end up in a huge drunken mess. Mel Gibson has managed to get his career back on track since his little incident, and his propensity to help other troubled celebrities is admirable. Maybe a getaway with the Gibsons will help Britney Spears get right back on track.

So what will Britney Spears and Mel Gibson be doing in Costa Rica this weekend? Let’s see what Rough Guide has to say about the country:

San José’s nightlife is gratifyingly varied, with scores of friendly bars and live music venues. Be aware, though, that prostitution is legal in Costa Rica and, in San José, very mainstream. Sex tourism is on the rise, and you’ll find that many of the “bars” in downtown are, in reality, little more than pick-up joints for professional transactions.

Wuh-ohhhhhhh!

Read more:

Brit ‘n’ Mel Become Bon Voyage BFFs – E! Online

It is the sort of news that would have lesser entertainment sites typing, over and over again, in an indecent boldness of font, the letters: OMG.

That most blasphemous initialising of ‘Oh My God’, which the youths of today treat so brazenly, as if the name of our Lord were merely a soiled menstrual nappy to be tossed away willy-nilly, it’s sacrilegious smudge left to spread amongst the scum-ridden culture-wasteland of working class society.

The word God must never be abbreviated. It is an act of devolution so disgusting that it shant be matched until the day The Kooks are considered anything other than the most grotesque of namby-pambies.

But, if hecklerspray were as pathetic as those sites, then right now we would be licking our own ejaculate into a mural of OMGs, high on to the ceiling above us, because Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are going to be acting together in the same movie.

Hollywood producer Avi Lerner summed it up succinctly:

“This is an event in world history.”

It certainly is.

Now then, the more switched-on fellows of the readership may well be saying, ‘Wait a minute, you ignorant posh twat, they already acted together, in 1995, in the movie Heat’.

And you’d be absolutely right, they did act in Heat, but only for two scenes and, splendid as they were, it’s not quite as long-john drenching as a whole movie of them together; in the same scenes; in the same rooms; two proud men; brushing by one another; perhaps sweating occasionally; the passion between them forever growing as the story approaches it’s arching jet of a crescendo.

Spiffing.

The film is called Righteous Kill, and is a remake of the hit French thriller 36 Quai des Orfèvres, which is apparently the address of the French CID in Paris.

Lerner told the Los Angeles Times:

“They’re playing New York City detectives; they are as New York as it gets. De Niro and Pacino the way you want to see them. They’re both very opaque. You don’t know whether they’re going to kiss someone or kill them. And that suspense is what makes their performances so intense in the moment.”

We know what you’re talking about, Avi, hecklerspray is a fan of the odd intense moment or two too and, as we ignore the worth of their recent output and the fact that 50 Cent will be starring alongside them as a character called Spider, we bend forth, cheeks asunder, and pray that the merging of their ingenious talent is lube-enough to cordially welcome them into our gaping expectations.

Read More – De Niro, Pacino get an offer they can’t refuse – CNN

There’s nothing quite as sweet as young love, apart from maybe slightly older love featuring a bloke who quite recently tried to kill himself.

So, genuinely, it’s charming to see Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson back together again. According to reports, Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson were being all romantic together in Miami on Saturday for Kate’s birthday. Let’s hope that this time Owen and Kate’s relationship doesn’t end in the same tragic circumstances as it did before.

By which we clearly mean Fool’s Gold. Nobody should have to suffer through something as awful as that more than once. Ugh, it’s bringing us out in hives just thinking about it.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have always enjoyed something of an unconventional relationship. Owen Wilson was Kate Hudson’s first big fling after her marriage to Chris Robinson crumbled but – despite starring in a not very good film together – they were both reluctant to officially confirm their love for one another. They never responded to the rumours, and every time Owen and Kate were seen in public they acted all cagey and stuff.

Sadly, just when it looked like they might be ready so shack up and create the world’s most alarmingly blonde children, Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson split up and Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. Whether or not the suicide attempt was due to the break-up with Hudson or because of some deeper underlying psychological trauma that Owen Wilson has grappled with has never been made clear.

But, hey, it doesn’t really matter because it worked – it looks very much like Hate Hudson and Owen Wilson are a couple again! Yay! People reports:

Hudson joined Wilson, 39, and his parents for a lunch at Lario’s on South Beach Saturday afternoon. “The four of them sat away from the crowds and had a blast,” says a source at the restaurant… The lovebirds then walked hand-in-hand to Skybar at the Shore Club, where they lounged and partied poolside on a bed. The pair chatted with each other, shared kisses and “were very sweet looking, it was super lovey-dovey,” according to one onlooker.

It’s actually quite heartwarming, isn’t it? Owen Wilson has pulled himself back from the brink of personal ruin and he’s stronger than ever. Back in the old days, the mixture of a relationship with Kate Hudson and the filming of a romantic comedy about a lovely dog with Jennifer Aniston would have sent Owen Wilson’s friends and family scurrying off to remove all the sharp objects from his house. But not any more.

However, we just hope that Owen Wilson doesn’t enter into anything too quickly. For instance, if he suddenly decides that he’s so in love with Kate Hudson that he wants to make a sequel to You, Me And Dupree, then we’ll have him booked into the nearest lobotomy clinic in a jiffy regardless of the consequences.

Read more:

Owen & Kate’s Romantic Birthday Date in Miami – People

Cheryl Cole – Girls Aloud's most ferociously forthright member – has apparently cracked and got back together with her cheating husband Ashley Cole.

According to reports, Cheryl Cole took Ashley Cole back during their make or break crisis summit earlier in the week, and now they'll live happily ever after. Apart from her, because she'll have probably turned into a full-blown quivering paranoid wreck before the month is out.

But, hey, there's a moral to this – it's OK to nationally humiliate your wife by throwing up on a variety of other women during sex, because she'll inevitably take you back afterwards. But only so long as you're quite rich. 

To look at Cheryl Cole you'd think she was actually quite a tough cookie. You can see it in her flinty, uptight face, in the way that she had a public spat with Lily Allen, in the way that she allegedly racially attacked a nightclub worker a few years ago, and in the way that she made the line "Something kinda oooh jumping on my toot-toot," sound like the world's most frighteningly violent threat.

It's why once, when Cheryl Cole told Top Of The Pops magazine that "If anyone ever cheated on me they'd be dead!" we all believed her. However, perhaps that was a misquote. Perhaps the full version of what Cheryl Cole said was "If anyone ever cheated on me they'd be dead, unless they're a footballer who earns quite a lot more than me, because in that case I'd probably just ignore it."

Because that's what Cheryl Cole has apparently done. After a flurry of tabloid headlines from girls claiming that – we think – Ashley Cole got a load of girls pregnant with his vomit, Cheryl Cole decided to take her cheating husband back at this week's make or break but probably make meeting. The Mirror reports:

Cheryl Cole yesterday took husband Ashley back after they met for the first time since his cheating was exposed three weeks ago. She told her Girls Aloud bandmates at the Brits: "I want to make my marriage work." And we can reveal Cheryl has met with England and Chelsea defender Ashley, 27, to talk things through. It was believed to have taken place at their country pile in Oxshott, Surrey, yesterday. A source told us: "Chezza's been up and down but she's finally made her mind up. After meeting with Ashley, she laid down the law and told him in no uncertain terms that if he strays again, there will be no second chance."

Unless he does, because there probably will be.

So all of that fuss about Cheryl initially sticking by Ashley and then sort of leaving him a bit, all the headlines and magazine covers and everything, it was all for nothing. In a nutshell, Ashley Cole did it with a load of women who aren't Cheryl Cole, and Cheryl Cole ultimately doesn't mind. We're not sure how Cheryl will manage to cope with taking her husband back – the constant worry, stress and overwhelming paranoia that she's bound to go through every hour of every day from now on stands a pretty good chance of derailing her for good.

But, still, at least there's a decent ghostwritten autobiography in this for her now. So it probably all sort of balances out.

Read more:

Ashis aloud home – Mirror 

In the history of the world, there's never been a more magical couple than Kylie Minogue and that French bloke, whatever his name is.

But sadly Kylie Minogue and Oliver Martinez – that's his name – split up last year, instantly killing our hopes that they'd eventually have a half-French midget baby with unexplainably tight facial skin.

However, now it looks like Kylie Minogue and Olivier Martinez are back together, and the baby plans are back on. And not a moment too soon – we want to see if Kylie Minogue's range of one and a half facial expressions is genetic.

Kylie Minogue has had a rubbish couple of years. Not because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to go through a long, painful period of treatment – or because her comeback tour was ravaged by overwork and illness – but because, for a short period of time last autumn, it looked as if Dannii might become the most famous Minogue sister. Imagine a world where Dannii Minogue is more famous than Kylie. Horrible, isn't it. Horrible and wrong.

But now Kylie Minogue is over the worst of it and everything's plain sailing again. Her appearance on Doctor Who didn't completely ruin everyone's Christmas, she's got a new single coming out that couldn't sound any more like a jittery karaoke version of Holiday by Madonna if it tried and, what's more, Kylie Minogue is in love again, to that bloke she was in love with last time.

Apparently Kylie Minogue is back together with Olivier Martinez – the man who she dumped after it looked like he might have slept with Penelope Cruz. Hello reports:

Aussie songstress Kylie Minogue is reportedly "overwhelmed with happiness" after rekindling her romance with former flame Olivier Martinez. "Kylie has taken him back – with a new set of rules," reveals a friend of the 39-year-old. The couple, who went their separate ways last February after a four-year romance, have reportedly drawn up a long-term plan involving marriage and children. "Ollie has agreed to try for a baby. That was always the stumbling block in their relationship," explains the pal. "They have both been single for a year and Kylie has realised she has never had anyone that has matched up to him…" 

It'll be interesting to see how Kylie Minogue's fans react to this development, since it wasn't so long ago that they all wanted him dead. But at least they'll be pleased that Kylie has maximised on Olivier's pitiful pleading and managed to guilt him into marrying her and fathering her child. After all, everyone knows that the best way to keep a man is to make a fixed set of rules for him to abide by and then force him to make you pregnant. That way he'll never have it off with pretty Spanish actresses again.

But what does Kylie Minogue think about all of this? It's one thing to have your feelings described by a glossy celebrity-friendly magazine, but quite another to actually express them in person. Luckily Kylie Minogue has KylieKonnect, her MySpace-style social networking site to keep her closer to her fans than ever before. So what does Kylie Minogue have to say about her reunion with Olivier Martinez on KylieKonnect?

Kylie graces the cover of this month's 'Woman and Home' magazine to
promote her range of bedlinen that is coming out in late February!

Oh.

Read more:

Kylie 'overwhelmed with happiness' after reunion with former beau Olivier – Hello

Britney Spears will soon undergo a court-enforced psychiatric test – officially it's to do with her kids, but we have a feeling it's because Britney's back with Adnan Ghalib again.

You know, Adnan Ghalib – the photographer who Britney Spears dumped a couple of days ago. The one who Britney Spears apparently took a restraining order out on. The one who tried to sell naked photos of Britney Spears to a newspaper. The one who just did a tell-all interview on TV about his time with Britney.

So, yes, Adnan Ghalib is back with Britney Spears. But at least he's finally got round to splitting up with his wife this time.

Britney Spears might be in the process of flushing her career and personal life down the crapper as fast as she can, but we'll give the girl this – she's world-class at picking really really impossibly awful men. Usually Kevin Federline would be a lifetime gold-standard career-high awful partner for any woman, but Britney Spears has dedicated herself to snaring a string of even less suitable boyfriends.

There was the drunken guitarist that Britney met in rehab, of course, and then that man who didn't mind when Britney barfed all over him, but they both pale into insignificance when compared to Adnan Ghalib.

And that's because neither of them have spent years aggressively stalking Britney Spears in order to try and take candid photos of her in exchange for cash like Adnan Ghalib has. And neither of them took a set of not-really naked Britney Spears pictures just so they could sell them to the highest bidder like Adnan Ghalib did. And neither of them are married like, well, you get the idea. 

On Monday we reported that Britney Spears had finally seen the error of her ways and split up with Adnan Ghalib. However, having realised that doing that would directly contravene the Britney Spears Batshit Law of 2005 stating that nothing Britney Spears must ever be allowed to even partially make sense, it turns out that she's got back together with him, as OK! reports:

Even though Britney Spears appeared to be rid of her photographer beau Adnan Ghalib, OK! can exclusively confirm that the troubled singer has rekindled her romance with the former paparazzo… Around 6:00pm PT on Tuesday, the pair were spotted leaving Taverna Tony's restaurant in Malibu. Hand-in-hand, they jumped into Britney's white Mercedes and off down the coast back toward L.A., smooching all the while.

However, just because Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib were only split up for about 45 milliseconds, it still gave Adnan time to scarper off down to the Entertainment Tonight studios to do a weird tell-all interview about his relationship with Britney…

But that's in the past and, coupled with the fact that Adnan's wife has just filed for divorce, it means Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib are all set to spend the rest of their lives together. Maybe they'll even get married. Let's hope so, because we honestly can't wait to hear Adnan's hip-hop album. We hear it'll be so good it'll make Y'All Ain't Ready look like PopoZao.

Read more:

Brit & Adnan Back Together! - OK!