Articles tagged with: tits
Keira Knightley is perfectly comfortable within her own body, which is odd because there's really not much room in there. So when people try messing about with the way she looks, Keira Knightley gets all stroppy. For example, the publicity department of Keira Knightley's latest movie The Duchess think the film will be more popular if the film's posters are airbrushed to give Keira Knightley a giant pair of knockers. And, quite rightly, Keira Knightley has put her foot down. Her body is her body and she doesn't want to mislead anybody about it. Besides, The Duchess is a costume drama, so the only way anyone can make the film popular is to airbrush a load of dinosaurs and robots and explosions and the phrase 'It's OK boys - you see nipples!' onto the poster. Any fool knows that.
For ages, hecklerspray believed that the most intimate act a married couple could engage in was the exchange of saliva when ramming their tongues down each others throats. However, we were proven wrong when we were told that a couple can prove their love for each other by 'creating a baby'. This literally knocked us back, throwing into disarray our previous notion that a child is created using flour, the tears of an orphan, vanilla extract, nail clippings and the sweat from a man/woman depending on what sex you wanted the child to be. In days gone by, people would takes months to even kiss each other - never mind engage in any sexual goings on. Having a baby would only happen a good few years after marriage, under the eyes of God and surrounded by an approving society. However, we now live in a culture where a girl will flash her tits for half a pint of lager or for a couple of cold chips. So just imagine our disgust when we found out our number one celebrity fan and all round grasper of swear words Lee Ryan has left his pregnant fiancée of eight months.
Katie Price, who’s that? The short answer is the fake-tanned slapper who’s famous for getting her tits out.
However, there is another solution to the question. You see, Katie Price has two names. We’d like to point out that she’s not schizophrenic and doesn’t pick between Jordan and Kate Price depending on if its warm enough to strap on a bikini.
In the early days (aka - the nineties) when she had the body for it, Jordon would get her boobies out for men’s magazines across the land. But they weren’t just any set of knockers. They were mega melons! As big as your head and the weight of seven small puppies.
Then Jordan grew up. Married a dire popstar and wanted people to call her by her real name to be taken more seriously. This approach has landed her a film role. And no, it’s not porn related!
Come gather round children, for that most marvellous of phenomena has occurred once more. Britney Spears has got semi-naked in public. Hallelujah! As we all know, there are only two things that perpetuate the spinning of the earth on its axis these days - celebrities and naked girls. They are everywhere, constantly vying for our attention. It’s a daily clash of the titans; one day naked girls will get a unanimous victory, only for celebrities to get their sweet revenge soon after, leaving a bloody pool of tits, ass and ego all over the streets in their wake. The only time peace can be found is when the two of them merge their awesome powers together, creating that all powerful attention-grabbing freak of nature that is: the naked-girl-celebrity.
Lindsay Lohan’s tether has finally snapped and - thank almighty Christ - this time we aren’t talking about the tether which battles in vain each day to keep her knickers together. This is largely because hecklerspray, essentially, is a ‘news’ source; something which reports events that have at least a hint of ‘new’ about them; if we were talking about that particular tether ‘finally’ snapping you could get us on the Trades Description Act. Nope, this time the tether of Lindsay’s to which we refer is the one which has hitherto held the explosive rage she feels toward her father far back in the constraints of her mind.
Now, we know what you're thinking - why would a girl as chaste and innocent and shy as Paris Hilton get her boobs out in a nightclub?
And the answer is, we just don't know. But still, Paris Hilton did in fact accidentally get her boobs out in a Boston nightclub just after being made Woman Of The Year by the Harvard Lampoon. Poor Paris must have been mortified to fall out of her dress in front of all those people.
But fortunately Paris Hilton was performing Stars Are Blind at the time, so at least nobody noticed her indiscretion because they were all too busy vomiting and screaming in pain and bleeding out of all the holes in their faces.
