Articles tagged with: threesome
R Kelly Kiddy Porn Trial: Threesomes & Sex Tape Duffel Bags
We know what you're thinking - that there's only one thing that'd liven up the ongoing R Kelly child pornography trial. That's right - a woman who says she's been in underage threesomes with R Kelly and the girl everyone thinks is in the R Kelly sex tape, and who also claims that R Kelly used to carry around a giant duffel bag full of his own sex tapes no matter where he went. Well it's your lucky day, because that's exactly what happened to the R Kelly child pornography trial yesterday, and it's all thanks to star prosecution witness Lisa Van Allen, a woman who bursts into tears whenever anyone asks her what sex with R Kelly was like. That makes us doubt that Lisa Van Allen actually did have sex with R Kelly, by the way, because the correct response to that is prolonged projectile vomiting. Again, that's prolonged projectile vomiting.
We know what you're thinking - that there's only one thing that'd liven up the ongoing R Kelly child pornography trial. That's right - a woman who says she's been in underage threesomes with R Kelly and the girl everyone thinks is in the R Kelly sex tape, and who also claims that R Kelly used to carry around a giant duffel bag full of his own sex tapes no matter where he went. Well it's your lucky day, because that's exactly what happened to the R Kelly child pornography trial yesterday, and it's all thanks to star prosecution witness Lisa Van Allen, a woman who bursts into tears whenever anyone asks her what sex with R Kelly was like. That makes us doubt that Lisa Van Allen actually did have sex with R Kelly, by the way, because the correct response to that is prolonged projectile vomiting. Again, that's prolonged projectile vomiting.
Shakira Sex Tape Threesome Nothing More Than A Stupid Lie
There are ontological, teleological and moral arguments about the existence of God, but nothing would swing it for us more than an internet video of Shakira being done by two blokes on a boat.
So when we heard that there was a three-way Shakira sex tape knocking about, our cries of "there is a God!" could be heard from miles around. After all, if a Shakira sex tape is the holy grail of sex tapes, then a three-way Shakira sex tape is the holy grail, um, being done by two blokes on a boat.
But the excitement was misplaced - the Shakira sex tape has been unmasked as a cruel April Fool's prank by a DJ in Argentina. A cruel, stupid prank by an idiot DJ in rubbish Argentina. Stupid imaginary God.
