One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.

While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.

So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.

The baddie in the piece is called Loki and he’s all cocking his head with an evil eyebrow nonsense while Rob Downey Jr is, well, playing himself.

Elsewhere, Captain America’s shield will get nerds wet, while everyone else with be getting aroused over Scarlett Johansson in a catsuit.

Oh, and there’s aliens and laser beams and all that good stuff.

One thing that people may raise a vague titter at is the exchange between Loki and Iron Man. ”I have an army,” says Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. “We have a Hulk!” Stark replies.

Those superheroes and villains! Do they rehearse this stuff?

Yes they do. Now watch the trailer.

Ever wanted to smell like one of Marvel’s finest? Of course you have. If you said you’d be a stinking liar. See what we did there? Stinking. It’s a joke! A funny joke! Oh, shut up a second and we’ll tell you how you can.

We’ve always longed for our lady friends to smell like Black Widow, and for our friends to smell like rejection, fear and Michael Fassbender: just like the X-Men.

The good people at Jads International, which sounds a lot like one of the stripping troupes that frequently visit the HS bedsit (Nads International) are bringing you a range of aftershaves that are themed around the main characters from the upcoming, and not at all Marvel’s last chance-saloon, The Avengers.

Taking inspiration from Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk (?!), Loki and Nick Fury, they hope to emulate the smells that maketh the man, so for Iron Man we’re presuming it’s a mix of sweat and WD40.

There’s the general BS of what ingredients have gone into them; notes of sandalwood with hints of lime, for instance, but we don’t think you’re going to admit to wear SMASH!, the fragrance inspired by The Incredible Hulk. You do want to get your end away don’t you?

You can buy Patriot (Captain America, duh), Mark VII (Iron Man), SMASH! (Incredible Hulk), Worthy (Thor), Mischief (Loki) and Infinity Formula (Nick Fury) from the Jads International website for much, much more money than they’re probably worth.

If smelling like a sweaty superhero isn’t your thing, then Jads also supplement a Star Trek inspired range of smells. Imagine how awesome everyone would think you were if you went into the office smelling like Sulu.

There’s also some perfumes for the ladies, but we’re still waiting for a She-Hulk and Dazzler inspired scent.

Like everyone else on this crummy Earth, we’re fans of Natalie Portman. She’s made some good films and, when she’s been in not-so-good films, she still looks just like Natalie Portman which is better looking than, say, you. And you. And everyone stood behind you ’til the horizon.

Anyway, it seems that her latest role, in Black Swan, is almost certainly going to win her an Oscar. Yep. It’s all sewn up. Everyone who has seen the new flick at the Venice Film Festival came out of the show, muttering about how wonderful her performance is.

And quite possibly, trying to hide their erections from the lesbian scenes with Mila Kunis which feature.

Words like ‘astounding’ and ‘best performance ever’ have been bandied about which is very nice for Portman. The best we could do, when we wrote about the film was that the Oscars might “introduce a brand new category – for Loveliest Princess In A Lovely Pretty Dress – just so she can win something.”

Then again, we’re idiots.

Natalie Portman isn’t perfect though as she’s shown a weakness for hopeless RSC thesp, Kenneth Branagh. Apparently, she only agreed to take part in his big budget adaptation of the comic, ‘Thor’ after hearing that Branagh was directing.

She explains:

“It was sort of actually not something I was dying to do. Not ‘Thor’ in particular but a big movie. When I heard Ken was doing it, I said, ‘Wow that is a daring and interesting idea.’

“Then I met Ken and he was someone I was extremely interested to get to spend three months with. It was probably the first, or one of the first times that my expectations were actually exceeded.”

‘Thor’ is due for release in May 2011 and, even if it’s rubbish, you can still fawn over Natalie Portman’s face… unless of course, she’s a hideous CGI character and is only providing the voice.

We suppose that we could easily find out but there’s an opened yoghurt in the fridge which goes off today and that’s taking all of our concentration.

Anyway, watch Natalie Portman kissing a girl in this trailer for Black Swan.

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High top and low-low.

Folded:

• Totally wicked bendy Chinese chair (so much more fun than just sitting down)
• Hans Zimmer’s clever-clever Inception score (shame it’s sold out everywhere)
• Watch the entire Thor movie in five minutes! (best bit: last thirty seconds)
• Inception again (the bit you missed)
• A new one at last (it’s not that nice though)

Creased:

• No more UK film Council (easy to blame the Tories, so let’s do that)
• Fart pants for the ladies (who wants these, really?)
• This teaser for Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (why in character ads are never a good idea)
• Comic Con (so last week)
• Katy Perry’s California Gurls (quite apart from Perry’s ridiculously muddy tan, spelling girls with a ‘u’ should be punishable by happy slap)

Thor is going to be a huge movie for Marvel – if all goes well, it’ll end up as its first humiliating flop.

Don’t take that for granted. If Thor is really going to be as headache-inducingly terrible as can be – if it truly has its eyes set on the highest peak of catastrophic awfulness known to man – then it must take down some A-list actors with it. So thank heavens that Natalie Portman has signed up for Thor.

But Natalie Portman has her work cut out. Can she make Thor as woeful as she made Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? Doubtful.

Say what you like about Marvel, but it knows how to attract quality actors to its projects. Iron Man had Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow, The Incredible Hulk had Edward Norton and now Thor will star Natalie Portman. If we’ve done our sums correctly – and we’re pretty sure we have – then this means that in 2016 we’ll be finally treated to the She-Hulk adaptation starring 81-year-old Dame Judi Dench that we’ve all been looking forward to so feverishly.

But let’s get back to the case at hand. Natalie Portman has agreed to take a role in the upcoming Marvel movie Thor, to be directed by Kenneth Branagh. What does that mean? Well, at first glance Natalie Portman’s involvement would suggest that the movie will revolve around Thor falling in love with a quirky elfin hipster who is supposed to symbolise the idealistic freedom of youth but in reality will symbolise every person we’ve ever wanted to punch in the mouth. Also, Zach Braff will play Thor. Also, it’ll have a largely Iron & Wine soundtrack. Also, it’ll be terrible.

What? Almost every part of that last paragraph is a lie? Apparently so – in fact, Thor will be played by Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman will actually be playing Generic Superhero Love Interest: Medicine Edition. Reuters reports:

Portman will play Jane Foster, who in early comic-book lore was a nurse who became Thor’s first love… The story centers on Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. As punishment, Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans. But once here, he learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.

So let’s get this straight – the film will take Thor from his usual home and ask him to battle an old adversary in the unfamiliar setting of a big American city? We can’t work out if that makes it sound more like Super Mario Bros or Masters Of The Universe. Oh, who cares – they were both gigantic box office smashes, weren’t they?

Weren’t they? Hello? Anyone?

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If all the Virgin Media TV adverts haven’t already made you utterly sick of Samuel L Jackson’s face, we’ve got good news.

You’ll be seeing more of it. A lot more. In fact, if you plan on seeing any Marvel movie over the next decade, chances are that at some point Samuel L Jackson is going to walk on as Nick Fury, waggle his good eye around and bugger off again.

Because Marvel has just signed Samuel L Jackson up for nine movies – including Iron Man 2, Thor, Thor 2, Captain America and the long-awaited Nick Fury Sings The Hits Of Genesis.

Depending on how much of a geek you are, Samuel L Jackson’s surprise post-credits cameo as Nick Fury in Iron Man probably sparked one of the following reactions:

1 - “Oh cool, this means that S.H.I.E.L.D is going to play an important role in the tapestry of all future Marvel films!”

2 - “That’s not Nick Fury. He doesn’t even look anything like David Hasselhoff.”

3 - “What’s going on? I don’t know why I even bothered sitting through the poxy credits. I need a wee and one of my legs has gone to sleep. Oh, I hate this life.”

We won’t tell you which one of these was our reaction (Clue: the third one), but Samuel L Jackson went down so well as Nick Fury in Iron Man that Marvel has signed him up to do more of them. Nine more of them, in fact. Reuters reports:

The actor, who just weeks ago was seemingly on the outs with the studio over reprising his role as Nick Fury, agent of spy outfit S.H.I.E.L.D., in the “Iron Man” sequel, has signed an unprecedented nine-picture deal to play the character in a series of Marvel movies. In addition to “Iron Man 2,” scheduled for release next year, the movies include “Thor,” “Captain America,” “The Avengers” and its sequels.

We don’t know whether to be happy or sad for Samuel L Jackson. Given Marvel’s taste for cannibalistic incest, there’s a chance that he’ll end up in more than nine films – getting to star in far-off gems such as Thor 2, Thor 3, Captain America 2, Captain America 3, Thor Vs Captain America, Thor And Captain America Vs Iron Man, Iron Man Vs The Avengers, The Avengers Vs The Bavengers and Thor Gives Iron Man A Sneaky Hand-Job While Iron Man Is Away At A Conference.

Plus there’s a chance that, if all goes well, Samuel L Jackson will end up being given his own S.H.I.E.L.D movie, and that’s bound to excite everyone interested in seeing the day-to-day administrative chores of a large organisation thrillingly played out on the big screen.

But, on the other hand, we don’t think Samuel L Jackson should get his feet too far under the table just yet. It might be an uninformed hunch, but we do have a ‘Samuel L Jackson To Be Replaced By Don Cheadle‘ post loitering around that we don’t think will stay unpublished for very long, if you know what we mean.

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When you think of films about disabled medical students who touch magical hammers and become crime-fighting Norse gods, the first name that springs to mind is obviously Kenneth Branagh.

Isn’t it? It isn’t? In fact Kenneth Branagh would probably be one of the last people you’d associate with something that brawny and gormless? Well tell that to Marvel, because they’re currently in talks with Kenneth Branagh about their new Thor movie. In short, Kenneth Branagh wants to direct Thor.

Kenneth Branagh directing a summertime comic book movie like Thor might sound slightly ridiculous, but the idea has potential – with any luck Branagh will turn Thor into a cross between his modern-day romantic musical interpretation of Love’s Labour Lost and that Frankenstein movie where he made Robert De Niro dress up like Sloth from The Goonies and run around the north pole. Ace!

You know what? We’re really starting to dislike Christopher Nolan. Comic book movies used to be so simple – there’d be a superhero and he’d punch all the baddies and then fly around the world backwards to reverse time and that’d be the end. But then Christopher bloody Nolan had to come along and make everything clever. Thanks a lot, Nolan.

Now that Christopher Nolan has managed to make The Dark Knight both intelligent and massive profitable, everyone’s clamouring to get highbrow arthouse directors to helm their comic book movies. And the logical conclusion of that is Kenneth Branagh directing a comic book movie about a Norse God who looks like a fan fiction version of an Iron Maiden music video and runs around New York with a massive hammer, getting magical powers by eating golden apples.

Which, somewhat bewilderingly, is probably going to happen. Before Marvel can make its long-awaited Avengers movie – starring Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, possibly Will Smith as Captain America and whoever Edward Norton’s less stroppy Incredible Hulk replacement is – it needs to make a Thor film.

And who better to do it than Kenneth Branagh, the man responsible for directing five Shakespeare adaptations, something about a magical flute and a remake of Sleuth that somehow made people hate Jude Law even more than they already did, even though they didn’t think it was physically possible. Variety reports:

Kenneth Branagh is negotiating to direct “Thor,” the next Marvel Comics property that will be turned into a live-action film by Marvel Studios. Pic will be released in 2010. Marvel Studios chief Kevin Feige‘s choice of Branagh is surprising, as Branagh hasn’t really directed an action-heavy film since his debut on “Henry V,” a bloody telling of the British king’s conquest of France.

Now the easiest thing to do here is knee-jerk, since Kenneth Branagh is mainly known for making mimsying wordy films for English literature teachers and Thor sounds pretty much like it might just be the most berserk film ever made.

But let’s give this idea a chance. After all, if Kenneth Branagh can bring some of the fire and intensity of his acting to Thor, and then add some of the highbrow thoughtfulness of his previously-directed movies, the film could be a winner. And, who knows, it might even inspire some other intellectual movie directors to try their hand at more shamelessly commercial fare.

Whatever next? Ang Lee making an Incredible Hulk movie? Aha hahaha ha.

Oh.