This morning - HecklerSpray

Holly Willoughby Loves Sexy Underwear But Still Manages To Be As Arousing As A Mop

March 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Holly Willoughby loves wearing sexy underwear. This is because it makes her feel more confident about herself. That’s all any of us want isn’t it? A confident Holly Willoughby. That’s what keeps the Earth turning.

She’s admitted that putting on raunchy lingerie always makes her feel more confident about herself and yet, despite all this talk, she’s still about as sexy as a pair of cycling shorts.

So inoffensive and milktoasty is our Holly, you could stand her in the middle of an orgy and she’s be as pleasant and as unfazed as a Blue Peter presenter on a ward filled with terminally ill-children. We’re legally obliged to make reference to her bosom at this juncture.

Eamonn Holmes’ Prostitution Predicament

February 2nd, 2012 By Kris Silver

Eamonn Holmes is a man famed for the legendary status of his gargantuan gob.

Not only is it capable of producing more crap than his backside on a day-to-day basis, but when it isn't spewing verbal sewage it's being stuffed with all manner of deep-fried goodies.

Well, let's hope Eamonn has deep-fried his foot after he managed to, once again, get it firmly lodged between his gums during an interview on This Morning.

The Ghost Of Gordon The Gopher Shall No Longer Haunt Holly Willoughby

March 25th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Ladies and gentleman, a modern day miracle has occurred, Holly Willoughby has been cured of her fear of ghosts, much to the delight of Phillip Schofield?s long dead career.

Willoughby, also affectionately known as the Willobooby, suffered from Spectrophobia (which it turns out is a genuine phobia and not a bad 70s sci fi series) so badly that she was once reduced to tears on the set of This Morning after a segment about ghostly apparitions.

Wooooooooooooo! *rattles chains*

Peter Andre Blubs All Over The Gogglebox

July 16th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Never let it be said we are anything but balanced, fair and righteous here at hecklerspray – we will always cover things from every angle available to us.

Which is why we’re now going to talk about the latest TV appearance by Peter Andre, where he gets all boo-hooey and says he’s all about his kids and stuff, and then completely fails to see the connection between apologising for his life in the spotlight then announcing he has a new reality show currently filming.

What a tool.

See? We’re not just mean to Katie Price.

Though she is a giganto-titted monstrosity of Lovecraftian proportions.

New This Morning Host: Davina McCall?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

We’ve finally reached the end of our interminable search to find Fern Britton’s replacement on This Morning.

What does that mean? It means that in a few weeks’ time, one of the contenders who we’ve profiled will definitely become the new host of This Morning. Unless someone else does. Or Philip Schofield decides to go it alone. Or the entire ITV building topples over and falls into the river. Either way, it won’t affect your life in the slightest so it doesn’t really matter.

Here, then, is the This Morning rundown for Davina McCall…

New This Morning Presenter: Melanie Sykes?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Two days left to go on our thorough? – some would say tedious – earch to find the new replacement for Fern Britton on This Morning.

And with two days left, that can only mean that we’re playing with the big boys. You know, the megastars, the presenters who’ve left an indelible mark on the public consciousness, the heroes, the wizards, the globally-recognised celebrities.

So here’s the This Morning rundown for Melanie Sykes. Melanie Sykes. Oh, come on, you know her. You do…

Next This Morning Host: Myleene Klass?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

So, we have some good news and some bad news for you. The first piece of news is that we’re still thumping out these predictions to see who’ll take over from Fern Britton as the host of This Morning.

The other piece of news is that on Friday we’ll replace it with news about Big Brother. Hey, wait a minute, that’s not good news and bad news! That’s bad news and bad news! Oh, how depressing.

Anyway, here are the chances of Myleene Klass being made the new host of This Morning…

New This Morning Host: Christine Bleakley?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

It’s week two of our hunt to find Fern Britton’s This Morning replacement. Week two, for crying out loud. What are we thinking?

You know, we think we’re wasting our time here. This Morning doesn’t need to replace Fern Britton at all. What This Morning needs to do is bring back Fred Talbot, knock up a scale model of the British isles and let him leap around it describing the weather. That’s when This Morning went south, not when Cackly McLardypants resigned. Oh, why won’t anyone listen to us?

Anyway, here’s the This Morning rundown for Christine Bleakley…

New This Morning Host: Coleen Nolan?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Here we are, at the end of the first week of our search for Fern Britton’s replacement on This Morning.

That’s right – we said our first week. There’s more of this coming next week. Really, you shouldn’t thank us. No, no, you’re too kind. And best of all, the ones next week will all be legitimate contenders for the job, so it’ll be even harder to make jokes about them. Fun!

Anyway, here’s our rundown on Coleen Nolan becoming the new This Morning host…

New This Morning Host: Emma Forbes?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Here we are again, churning out possible This Morning replacements for Fern Britton like our lives depended on it. Which they don’t.

Don’t worry, though. This won’t last forever. This time next week, in fact, we’ll be bombarding you with Big Brother profiles and rundowns. And that’s better, isn’t it? Or worse. But definitely one of those two things. Unless it’s exactly the same. Let’s face it, it’ll be exactly the same.

Anyway, will Emma Forbes be the new This Morning host? Let’s jolly well find out, shall we?