There’s no such thing as bad publicity supposedly, even if it is truly damaging to somebody’s career.
Michael Jackson was a shining example of this, with his problems generating all sorts of interest towards him. Whenever the iffy subject of shedloads of debt cropped up, then Michael responded by purchasing extravagant tacky art. Which as we all know, plunged him further into debt.
One of the biggest stories to dog Michael Jackson during his life wasn’t his exploding hair, morphing skin colour or amusing pet monkey. Instead, it was his long court battles against children who claimed that that everything got a bit too friendly. But he was found to be innocent – so now the geniuses at Sony want to reintroduce Michael Jackson into the lives of Japanese kids via their PS3 console.
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Merry Christmas, everyone! Ho ho ho! What did you get for Christmas? Anything good? Did it snow?
Ho ho ho! Ho ho… hang on a minute. It isn’t Christmas. It isn’t anywhere remotely near Christmas. It’s barely November. We haven’t even started to build up our reserve of goodwill towards all men yet. In fact, we still think most men are wankers.
So why is A Christmas Carol the number one movie at the weekend box office? Because it’s not very good and everyone’s trying to get it out of the way early so that it doesn’t bugger up everyone’s Christmas? Oh, right.
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Obviously Michael Jackson’s new film This Is It would top the weekend box office this week. Obviously.
It had everything going for it. Michael Jackson’s millions of fans are using This Is It as a way to pay tribute to his life. Plus This Is It will only be exhibited theatrically for two weeks, so everyone will see it at the same time. Plus no other big films opened on Friday, giving This Is It a clear path to weekend box office glory.
Also, given the choice between This Is It and Law Abiding Citizen, who wouldn’t choose the harrowing documentary about the painfully thin spectre-like drug addict in the silly wig?
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Michael Jackson’s This Is It opens on Wednesday, and it’s bound to be a stupendous hit. But what’s it like?
Well, frankly, who cares? This Is It will be a hit no matter what it’s about. This is It could consist of nothing but Michael Jackson mumbling threats at a sleeping cat for two hours and it’ll still end up as one of the year’s top-grossing films. But it would be sort of nice to know what This Is It is like, wouldn’t it?
Well fear no more – Michael Jackson’s brother Jackie has seen This Is It, and he loves it. And he once recorded a song called Cruzin’, so he knows quality when he sees it.
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Admit it, if you go and see This Is It next week, it’ll only be to gawp in horror at Michael Jackson’s nearly dead face.
No? Then you’re not a Michael Jackson fan. An international coalition of ‘dedicated Michael Jackson fans’ have set up a website trying to stop people from seeing This Is It on the basis that it deliberately covers up the truth about Michael Jackson’s health.
And we agree! We hereby promise to not see This Is It until someone splices in a scene where Michael Jackson – dangerously thin and without his wig and blitzed on anaesthetic – weeps directly into the camera for 35 minutes. Maybe it’ll be on the DVD.
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Michael Jackson performing in London was meant to be the highlight of the summer.
Instead, we had to make do with Oasis splitting up. Which we were fine with, incidentally. Jackson was supposedly happy to play 50 dates at the O2, a feat that would test his physical and mental abilities.
That didn’t happen because, as you may have heard, Michael Jackson died. Still, as the trailer to for Michael Jackson’s This Is It movie shows, Michael was prancing all over the stage. Still, it doesn’t explain why he dropped down dead soon after.
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When you heard Michael Jackson’s new single This Is It yesterday, you probably thought “Wow, Michael’s still got it.”
And you’re right. Michael Jackson has still got it. It’s just that ‘it’ in this case refers to an 18-year-old collection of obscure Puerto Rican pop songs. Because This Is It was first released in 1991 by an artist called Sa-Fire, who we haven’t heard of either.
What’s more, it’s been announced that Paul Anka will get half of the royalties from This Is It, ensuring him a massive payday. So just imagine how much bigger the payday would have been if the song was actually any good.
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Michael Jackson’s aborted comeback shows were dubbed This Is It. And his new movie is called This Is It.
Now Michael Jackson has a new song. Guess what it’s called. That’s right – it’s called Mr Dingleberry’s Enchanted Bloodhound. No, no it’s not. It’s also called This Is It. And the good news is that, provided that Free As A Bird is your favourite Beatles song and you feel that Tupac Shakur never really came into his own until several years after he died, it isn’t completely awful.
You want to listen to Michael Jackson’s This Is It, don’t you? Oh, go on then.
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