We have a winner for that competition where you could win The Town DVD and a boxset of The Wire! Isn’t that great? You wish you’d entered now didn’t you? Well, if you were following us on Twitter or Facebook you probably would have won!
And our ravishingly attractive competition winner is Sarah Harman from That London. She’ll now be able to sit in bed with her poindexter hat on and Mr T gold chain watching DVDs on her laptop, not quite able to find a way of being comfortable as she lies down to get optimum viewing angles. Hurray for that!
Do you like fictional crimes being solved by actors portraying the kind of folks who like solving crimes? Well, you’re going to drench your gussets with excitement at this competition where you can win a copy of The Town and a Wire boxset!
And you don’t really have to do anything! Just answer some stupid question!
Of course, the world doesn’t normally work like this. You normally have to earn things with graft, but with this easy chance to land some free stuff, you can feel what it must be like to be Paris Hilton or something.
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10 - Like The Wire? Here, have some moderately exciting news - Interestment
9 – It’s time to read your new favourite Portuguese-language celebrity blog! – Papelpop
8 - We’ll be delving into this year’s X Factor once we’ve built up a tolerance for it again. In the meantime, here’s this – Watchwithmothers
7 - Let’s play a game. If YOU had to replace the legs of a tortoise with a household item, what would YOU choose? – Best Week Ever
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Folded:
- In the Loop (more creative swearing than you’ll ever need)
- Stewart Lee (for having the stones to allow his recent awful TV show to air at all)
- Vintage ice creams (good old Freaky Feet. Though spot the one that shouldn’t be there)
- Laughing at people attempting to have a picnic in lukewarm sunshine (bet that tin of Frutini is transporting you right to Bondi beach, isn’t it?)
- gamesTM (far, far, far and away the best video games magazine on the market)
Creased:
- This hair (belongs on a man who only ever wears black 501s)
- BBC2 not showing the second season of The Wire straight away (‘in a few weeks’ they say. ‘Mid May’ we’ve heard. When’s season three going out then? Christmas Day?)
- V-Water (the orange one smells like baby piss. Probably tastes like it too, you’ll have to ask around to confirm that)
- Desperate Housewives anti-climax (kill a character somebody might care about why don’t ya?)
- Picturehouse cinemas (full of poncy tossers who think that smiling is only for those without a post-grad education)
Look at you. Are those plimsolls? Actual plimsolls? Are they ironic plimsolls? Or just normal plimsolls?
Are you poor? Or just pretending? Think before you answer, because should they be anything but ironic, and society – cool society, where people like Pixie Geldof and Henry Holland live – will turn its back on you.
It’s a cruel, unforgiving place – society. It dictates that grown adults should peacock about town with their skinny jeans damn-near squashing their balls, and everyone actually seems to like Lady Ga Ga. And Lady Ga Ga is a total cretin, by the way. But they buy her singles with their iTunes for their iPods. They love her. They also like stonewashed jeans.
With survival in mind, here are four things you should at least claim to like, unless you fancy getting completely ostracised by your so-called friends:
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This week’s right and wrong.
Folded:
Creased:
- Magazine tribute issues (stop reading them. Nobody’s ever going to give a crap enough to do one for you)
- Duffy’s voice on that Diet Coke ad (what is she, like, nine?)
- Getting a new car (it breaks down at the lights and everybody laughs)
- Matt Horne (apparently a right knob end, exhausted or not)
- W. on DVD (Oliver Stone, your career is officially over)
It really isn’t very nice reading stories about those acting types and how much they actually earn for what they consider ‘work’.
Now sure, if it’s someone like the Baler losing ridiculous amounts of weight (or putting it back on to be Batman), or generally any kind of actor that’s willing to put their body on the line and actually change themselves physically or mentally to help their performance, then fair enough.
But when you’re Charlie Sheen? Come on. You don’t really deserve that much for your acting talent, do you? Sure, you were entertaining in ‘Hot Shots’, but does that mean you should be able to command $825,000 (about £420,000) per episode of ‘Two and a Half Men’, thus making you the highest paid TV actor in the US?
Apparently it does. Colour us confused.
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Katherine Heigl has gone and done ‘that thing’ again, where she puts herself in a situation where the media can misunderstand and misquote her, thus making her look like something of a bitch.
Come on Katherine, grow some sense – you can’t make any comment about anything, ever, without it being jumped on and you made out to look like something of a snob or a twit. Remember the Knocked Up ‘sexist’ fiasco? Where it came out that you thought the film was sexist? Then backtracked, claiming your quote was taken out of context?
Then everyone decided you hated the film?
Then everyone decided you were a bit of a mouthy git?
Seriously – the smart money would be on choosing your words more carefully, or just keeping schtum. But you haven’t learned – this time you’ve made it look as if you’re slagging off Grey’s Anatomy, which currently pays the bills. Again, maybe not so smart.
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