Articles tagged with: The View
News! Kate Gosselin Gets A Haircut! NEWS! NEWS!!!
Now you might look at that headline, with all its exclamation marks and arbitrary capitalisation, and detect a hint of sarcasm. But you're WRONG! This is NEWS! Kate Gosselin has changed her haircut, and it's probably the most important thing on the entire planet. We're not exaggerating. Here's why - until now Kate Gosselin was primarily known for her old haircut; a bizarre mishmash of around 14 other equally horrific haircuts, including the Inverted Mullet, the Peacock Spike-Strip and the Bad Spider-Man Emo Swoop. But Kate Gosselin's new haircut means we can all just focus on her questionable parenting skills instead. Huzzah!
Now you might look at that headline, with all its exclamation marks and arbitrary capitalisation, and detect a hint of sarcasm. But you're WRONG! This is NEWS! Kate Gosselin has changed her haircut, and it's probably the most important thing on the entire planet. We're not exaggerating. Here's why - until now Kate Gosselin was primarily known for her old haircut; a bizarre mishmash of around 14 other equally horrific haircuts, including the Inverted Mullet, the Peacock Spike-Strip and the Bad Spider-Man Emo Swoop. But Kate Gosselin's new haircut means we can all just focus on her questionable parenting skills instead. Huzzah!
Adam Lambert Gay? Yes Bloody Definitely Yes, Says Kara DioGuardi
Even though American Idol finished long ago, one question remains. That question is 'Seriously? No Boundaries? What were they thinking?' Oh, and the other question is 'Is Adam Lambert gay?' It's still a hot topic of conversation - in fact, internet research shows that when it comes to things that are nobody's business about a man we'll never hear about again from a TV show that's already ended, Adam Lambert's sexuality is one of the highest-trending subjects. At least that was before Kara DioGuardi inadvertently told everyone watching The View that Adam Lambert is as gay as can be yesterday. Whoops.
Even though American Idol finished long ago, one question remains. That question is 'Seriously? No Boundaries? What were they thinking?' Oh, and the other question is 'Is Adam Lambert gay?' It's still a hot topic of conversation - in fact, internet research shows that when it comes to things that are nobody's business about a man we'll never hear about again from a TV show that's already ended, Adam Lambert's sexuality is one of the highest-trending subjects. At least that was before Kara DioGuardi inadvertently told everyone watching The View that Adam Lambert is as gay as can be yesterday. Whoops.
Someone Foolishly Knocks Elisabeth Hasselbeck Up Again
We don't know what's worse - the recession or the thought of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's terrifyingly fertile uterus. OK, it's definitely the uterus thing. Because Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View is pregnant again. We've lost count of how many children Hasselbeck has now, but we think it's about a million - almost enough to entirely repopulated the planet with billions of tiny shrill indignant right-wing nutsacks. Apparently Elisabeth Hasselbeck didn't even realise she was pregnant, putting her stresses down to 'election fever'. We know the feeling - we once thought we were pregnant, but it was actually just Elisabeth Hasselbeck's voice giving us tit-ache.
We don't know what's worse - the recession or the thought of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's terrifyingly fertile uterus. OK, it's definitely the uterus thing. Because Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View is pregnant again. We've lost count of how many children Hasselbeck has now, but we think it's about a million - almost enough to entirely repopulated the planet with billions of tiny shrill indignant right-wing nutsacks. Apparently Elisabeth Hasselbeck didn't even realise she was pregnant, putting her stresses down to 'election fever'. We know the feeling - we once thought we were pregnant, but it was actually just Elisabeth Hasselbeck's voice giving us tit-ache.
Can Someone Get Rosie O’Donnell To Shut Up About The View?
There's a saying in these parts: 'You can take the lady out of The View, but you can't stop her from screeching about it like a fat lunatic.' And it's true, too. Just the other week, Star Jones was screeching about The View like a fat lunatic and we don't even know who she is. And now it's the turn of Rosie O'Donnell to do the same, although helpfully since she acts like a fat lunatic most of the time anyway, it's easier for her. Rosie O'Donnell has been involved in a spat with the old Skeletor lady from The View because Rosie O'Donnell says everyone on The View hates each other and Skeletor lady says they don't. But it's much more interesting than that because... no, wait. It's not more interesting than that. That's literally as interesting as this gets. A fat lady has shouted at an old lady. As you were, everyone.
There's a saying in these parts: 'You can take the lady out of The View, but you can't stop her from screeching about it like a fat lunatic.' And it's true, too. Just the other week, Star Jones was screeching about The View like a fat lunatic and we don't even know who she is. And now it's the turn of Rosie O'Donnell to do the same, although helpfully since she acts like a fat lunatic most of the time anyway, it's easier for her. Rosie O'Donnell has been involved in a spat with the old Skeletor lady from The View because Rosie O'Donnell says everyone on The View hates each other and Skeletor lady says they don't. But it's much more interesting than that because... no, wait. It's not more interesting than that. That's literally as interesting as this gets. A fat lady has shouted at an old lady. As you were, everyone.
The View: Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s Concession Speech Unites America
On The View yesterday, bets were on as to exactly when Elisabeth Hasselbeck would spontaneously combust and/or claw wildly at her own face. Because, judging by her fervent campaigning for the Republican party, Tuesday's election win for Barack Obama seemed like literally the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to Elisabeth Hasselbeck in her entire life. But on The View yesterday, something strange happened. On The View yesterday, Elisabeth Hasselbeck gracefully admitted defeat and declared her support for the president-elect. And, thanks to Elisabeth Hasselbeck's elegant speech, the partisan schisms that threatened to tear America apart were instantly healed. Well, in the parts of America that watch The View, anyway. So the chronically old and unemployed parts that can't find their remote control to change channel. Isn't that enough?
On The View yesterday, bets were on as to exactly when Elisabeth Hasselbeck would spontaneously combust and/or claw wildly at her own face. Because, judging by her fervent campaigning for the Republican party, Tuesday's election win for Barack Obama seemed like literally the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to Elisabeth Hasselbeck in her entire life. But on The View yesterday, something strange happened. On The View yesterday, Elisabeth Hasselbeck gracefully admitted defeat and declared her support for the president-elect. And, thanks to Elisabeth Hasselbeck's elegant speech, the partisan schisms that threatened to tear America apart were instantly healed. Well, in the parts of America that watch The View, anyway. So the chronically old and unemployed parts that can't find their remote control to change channel. Isn't that enough?
Elisabeth Hasselbeck Rocks The Screechy Idiot Vote For Palin
At this point, it's fair to say that we'd let a robot dinosaur Hitler win the election if it meant it could all be finished today. Because, honestly, we know that it's an important election and all, but it's turned everyone into stupid screeching partisan bellends. And Exhibit A would be this - at a Sarah Palin rally in Florida yesterday, people not only let Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View screech on witlessly about politics for 10 entire minutes, but they also actually clapped her at the end. It just goes to show how much trouble the Republican campaign is in - it's clear they just let Elisabeth Hasselbeck shriek her worldview to a crowd so that Sarah Palin would look marginally more intelligent in comparison. Let's hope it worked, because it's literally impossible to pander to the lowest common denominator any more than that. Well, unless someone gives Jessica Simpson a call, but who'd want that?
At this point, it's fair to say that we'd let a robot dinosaur Hitler win the election if it meant it could all be finished today. Because, honestly, we know that it's an important election and all, but it's turned everyone into stupid screeching partisan bellends. And Exhibit A would be this - at a Sarah Palin rally in Florida yesterday, people not only let Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View screech on witlessly about politics for 10 entire minutes, but they also actually clapped her at the end. It just goes to show how much trouble the Republican campaign is in - it's clear they just let Elisabeth Hasselbeck shriek her worldview to a crowd so that Sarah Palin would look marginally more intelligent in comparison. Let's hope it worked, because it's literally impossible to pander to the lowest common denominator any more than that. Well, unless someone gives Jessica Simpson a call, but who'd want that?
Star Jones Hates Everyone Who’s Ever Been On The View Ever
Before Whoopi Goldberg there was Rosie O'Donnell, and before Rosie O'Donnell there was Star Jones - we don't know who she is, but she sure is angry. Star Jones used to be a panellist on The View but, from what we've gathered, she left the show under a cloud a few years ago because nobody really liked how morbidly chub-faced she was. But some time has passed since Star Jones left The View, enough time for everything to blow over and heal the cracks in her broken heart. That's why, over two entire years since she left The View, Star Jones has decided to come forward and describe everyone on the show as 'hateful' and make all kinds of froth-mouthed claims about how she was set up. It's exciting stuff, so just imagine how much more exciting it'd be if we knew or cared who Star Jones actually was.
Before Whoopi Goldberg there was Rosie O'Donnell, and before Rosie O'Donnell there was Star Jones - we don't know who she is, but she sure is angry. Star Jones used to be a panellist on The View but, from what we've gathered, she left the show under a cloud a few years ago because nobody really liked how morbidly chub-faced she was. But some time has passed since Star Jones left The View, enough time for everything to blow over and heal the cracks in her broken heart. That's why, over two entire years since she left The View, Star Jones has decided to come forward and describe everyone on the show as 'hateful' and make all kinds of froth-mouthed claims about how she was set up. It's exciting stuff, so just imagine how much more exciting it'd be if we knew or cared who Star Jones actually was.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck To Stay As The View’s Offensively Shrill Harpy
Can you imagine The View without Elisabeth Hasselbeck? It'd just be four women babbling topical abuse over the top of each other and- oh wait. No, that's what The View is now. Actually, come to think of it, The View would be pretty much identical regardless of whether Elisabeth Hasselbeck was on it or not. But that's nobody's concern any more, because Elisabeth Hasselbeck has pledged her future to The View after a few days of on-screen bickering and off-screen uncertainty. This is undoubtedly a good thing -Â Elisabeth Hasselbeck fulfills an important role on The View. No, not as the sole conservative voice on the panel, but as the woman you secretly fancy even though you violently disagree with every single thing she's ever said in the whole of her life. Who else would fill that role? Whoopi Goldberg? Yeek.
Can you imagine The View without Elisabeth Hasselbeck? It'd just be four women babbling topical abuse over the top of each other and- oh wait. No, that's what The View is now. Actually, come to think of it, The View would be pretty much identical regardless of whether Elisabeth Hasselbeck was on it or not. But that's nobody's concern any more, because Elisabeth Hasselbeck has pledged her future to The View after a few days of on-screen bickering and off-screen uncertainty. This is undoubtedly a good thing -Â Elisabeth Hasselbeck fulfills an important role on The View. No, not as the sole conservative voice on the panel, but as the woman you secretly fancy even though you violently disagree with every single thing she's ever said in the whole of her life. Who else would fill that role? Whoopi Goldberg? Yeek.
