The View - HecklerSpray

Another Sign of the Apocalypse: I Agree with Tomi Lahren

March 21st, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

As if all signs hadn’t already been pointing to the end of days, I now find myself supporting the opinion of Right Wing Barbie, Tomi Lahren (not to be confused with Left Wing Barbie: Lady Gaga). The typically so far Right she could high five dead Hitler Lahren recently pissed off her conservative fan base when she announced on The View that she was pro-choice.

Her comments pissed off conservatives so much that Glenn Beck, the founder of the conservative media outlet The Blaze, has actually SUSPENDED Lahren over her comments. Because apparently a woman believing she deserves rights over her body means she doesn’t deserve a job within conservative media.

Hey Jenny McCarthy, It’s Not 1999 Anymore: You’re Not That Hot

September 13th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Jenny McCarthy is delusional and doesn’t seem to realize she peaked over a decade ago. ?She’s like the less leathery version of Pamela Anderson, without the billionaire sugar daddies but thankfully a better plastic surgeon.

McCarthy was recently hired by ABC to replace Elisabeth Hasselback on?The View,?because replacing one ill informed crazy blonde with another one is always a good idea.

Tacky-Ass Jenny McCarthy Injects Some Needed Sex Appeal Into “The View”

July 17th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

To quote the incomparable Andy Cohen: ?Big Mazel to the great @JennyMcCarthy! #theView is abt to get #cray.? And?it’s true. America’s treasure, that demure little flower, Jenny McCarthy, will be joining the cast of The View, thereby sealing its position as the most unwatchable show on television.

As all diligent hausfraus know, the cast of The View has experienced a real shake-up lately. The insufferable Elisabeth Hasselbeck finally?left to spout her narrow-minded bullshit elsewhere, Joy Behar is leaving later this summer, and Babs has just one year left. But instead of rolling with it, letting that bitch-fest dwindle down organically, maybe letting Whoopi and Sherri fight it out, the producers are tampering with nature and replacing the empty spots.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Apologises For Being A Colossal Bellend

May 6th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

‘Sorry’ isn’t a word that appears in Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s dictionary. That’s right, she has her own dictionary.

It’s not a brilliant dictionary, admittedly. The only words in it are ‘gun’, ‘Bush’, ‘USA’ and the entire set of lyrics to Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson. But anyway, Elisabeth Hasselbeck doesn’t say sorry very often. Although that’s probably because she doesn’t make jaw-droppingly insensitive remarks insinuating that women who wear revealing clothes deserve to be stalked very often.

But that’s what Elisabeth Hasselbeck did on Tuesday, claiming that the man who was convicted of secretly filming Erin Andrews through a hotel peephole would have seen just as much and avoided jail by watching her on Dancing With The Stars. And now Elisabeth Hasselbeck has apologised to Erin Andrews in the hope that she’ll seem less of a twonk. She doesn’t, by the way.

Octomom Appears On TV, Is Weird

February 25th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Octomom Nadya Suleman has come in for a lot of stick since giving birth to all those children last year.

And it’s unfair. Just because she convinced a doctor to fill her with so many embryos that throughout her pregnancy you could hear them all screaming in terror like people trapped in a burning skyscraper every time she so much as bent over, it doesn’t mean that Nadya Suleman isn’t normal. And yesterday she appeared on The View to prove how normal she is.

That said, what Nadya Suleman actually did was babble and yelp and squeak and wail and contradict herself several times within the space of the same breath and show everyone what she looks like in swimwear and generally make Whoopi Goldberg pull a face like she was being forced to watch a video of graphic animal cruelty. Job done, then.

Adam Lambert Goes On The View, Doesn’t Bum Anyone

December 11th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Everyone knows that letting Adam Lambert be on TV is an act of gross stupidity. What if he kisses a man?

What if he starts humping your leg? What if he mimes a rimjob in such disgusting detail that it causes everyone to splutter into their tea and have a seizure? Adam Lambert is a risk. But the people of The View don’t care about risks, which is why Adam Lambert appeared on the show yesterday. And, perhaps because the sight of wizened old Barbara Walters is enough to sap the sex out of any situation, Adam managed to behave himself.

That said, during his interview Adam Lambert did keep referring to how ABC had pulled him off. The dirty bugger.

Adam Lambert To Be As Gay As He Likes On ABC Again

December 8th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Adam Lambert has had an awful couple of weeks – ABC had banned him, and he was starved of publicity as a result.

Except that’s not quite how it worked. In fact, being banned from Good Morning America and Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year’s Rockin’ Eve ended up making Adam Lambert even more famous than ever. And since its plan to destroy Adam Lambert backfired so spectacularly, ABC is now seeking revenge. The worst revenge that it could ever take on anybody.

That’s right – Adam Lambert has been invited to appear on The View. Pray for his soul, readers, for he hasn’t done anything to deserve this.

News! Kate Gosselin Gets A Haircut! NEWS! NEWS!!!

September 16th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Now you might look at that headline, with all its exclamation marks and arbitrary capitalisation, and detect a hint of sarcasm.

But you’re WRONG! This is NEWS! Kate Gosselin has changed her haircut, and it’s probably the most important thing on the entire planet. We’re not exaggerating. Here’s why – until now Kate Gosselin was primarily known for her old haircut; a bizarre mishmash of around 14 other equally horrific haircuts, including the Inverted Mullet, the Peacock Spike-Strip and the Bad Spider-Man Emo Swoop.

But Kate Gosselin’s new haircut means we can all just focus on her questionable parenting skills instead. Huzzah!

Adam Lambert Gay? Yes Bloody Definitely Yes, Says Kara DioGuardi

May 29th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Even though American Idol finished long ago, one question remains. That question is ‘Seriously? No Boundaries? What were they thinking?’

Oh, and the other question is ‘Is Adam Lambert gay?’ It’s still a hot topic of conversation – in fact, internet research shows that when it comes to things that are nobody’s business about a man we’ll never hear about again from a TV show that’s already ended, Adam Lambert’s sexuality is one of the highest-trending subjects.

At least that was before Kara DioGuardi inadvertently told everyone watching The View that Adam Lambert is as gay as can be yesterday. Whoops.

Someone Foolishly Knocks Elisabeth Hasselbeck Up Again

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We don’t know what’s worse – the recession or the thought of Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s terrifyingly fertile uterus.

OK, it’s definitely the uterus thing. Because Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View is pregnant again. We’ve lost count of how many children Hasselbeck has now, but we think it’s about a million – almost enough to entirely repopulated the planet with billions of tiny shrill indignant right-wing nutsacks.

Apparently Elisabeth Hasselbeck didn’t even realise she was pregnant, putting her stresses down to ‘election fever’. We know the feeling – we once thought we were pregnant, but it was actually just Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s voice giving us tit-ache.