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The Tourist

Angelina Jolie has a bit of a reputation. Her vagina, they say, is much like a waterslide on a hot day.

Actors just can’t resist. Billy Bob Thornton couldn’t resist, even though he was engaged to Laura Dern when he fell for Angelina Jolie during the making of Sling Blade. And Brad Pitt couldn’t resist, even though he was married to Jennifer Aniston when he fell for Angelina Jolie during the making of Mr & Mrs Smith. And now Angelina Jolie is about to make a film with Johnny Depp. And Johnny Depp’s girlfriend, it’s fair to say, is absolutely bricking herself.

So much so that she’s reportedly ordered Johnny Depp to leave the film. We can’t help feeling that she’s worrying about nothing, though. Angelina Jolie is a changed woman these days – she won’t have sex with Johnny Depp. She might adopt him, but she won’t have sex with him.

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You know what movie we’d love to see? A movie starring the pointless one from Hancock and the pointless one from Lions For Lambs.

And guess what? That movie is being made. According to reports, Charlize Theron and Tom Cruise are set to team up for an adaptation of French movie The Tourist, with a script written by Oscar-winning writer Julian Fellowes.

Without knowing too much about The Tourist, it’s safe to say that Tom Cruise is still after that Oscar. It seems clear to us that Tom is only making the movie to glean Oscar-winning tips from Fellowes and Theron, and then put them to use in his next movie – which we’re expecting to be about a dirty-faced, slightly disfigured woman played by Tom Cruise who talks in lots of half sentences over himself all the time.

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