Civil servants should be very, very worried. Your time is up. You’re about to be killed. Hunted like mongrels and executed before your weeping families. It sounds fanciful, but it is definitely, definitely going to happen.
That’s because the good people of Britain are unable to form opinions of their own, instead, they wait for celebrities to say things so they can be followed out to the letter.
Y’see, supreme leader of men, Jeremy Clarkson has called for all public sector workers to be shot dead in front of their families. He made an impassioned plea via popular chatshow, The One Show.
Scott Mills (annoying as you like on the radio, but fair play to him for making that difficult The World’s Worst Place to Be Gay? programme. Slapped repeatedly with a chicken for goodness sake)
Talking to celebrities (what would you say to someone in the biz you actually admire if you met them? Exactly, your question is pants and/or offensive. He/she has now left and you’ve been escorted from the building)
Martin Sheen on BBC’s The One Show (seemingly confused but still ace Hollywood megastar meets the very worst UK TV has to offer. Proud)
Jason Manford – the comedian who no-one really slags off because they’re too busy slating Michael McIntyre, despite the fact the pair exist in the same place – has always been straight down the middle.
Effectively, Manford (almost admirably) has always been very open and honest about wanting to be famous. However, as his star rose, he got a gig with The One Show. And with that came the glitter of celebrity.
And with celebrity, come the trappings with it. Basically, Manford has got himself caught up in a sex scandal which has seen him delivering the most devastating of blows to us all… HE’S DELETED HIS TWITTER ACCOUNT. Don’t worry, we’re setting up a helpline right now. Read More >>>
Ever been interested in the mating ritual of a rare Spanish moth that only visits the UK once every six years?
Probably not we imagine, but on The One Show this is the sort of random packaged report you’ll find alongside a hard-hitting expose of America’s serial killers. Expert opinion will also be thrown in for you not to care about in the form of some famous person who’s flogging a book/CD/dress/livestock.
But alas, the show isn’t the same any more since miserable West Brom fan Adrian Chiles decided to jump broadcasting ship and go to ITV. Instead of boring us during our tea for the BBC, he’ll be doing the same for ITV, just in the morning GMTV timeslot. And in a tribute to the presenter, audio/visual comedy gods Cassetteboy have knocked up this hilarious video…
The daughter of ex-British Prime Minister and semi-professional impersonator of Zelda from Terrahawks Margaret Thatcher could be a racist.
Unrelatedly, the Pope is reported to be “off for a dump in the woods”.
It never rains alleged racism, but it pours. Following hot on the fascistic little heels of Miley Cyrus comes the news that Carol Thatcher, manly daughter of ex-PM Maggie, may have said something that could maybe, perhaps on a foggy night, have been taken as, well, terrifyingly klanlike.
When we heard that John Sergeant from Strictly Come Dancing was releasing a song called Let’s Not Fight This Christmas as a single for The One Show, we responded in time-honoured fashion.
Namely – like the jumped-up little Veruca Salts we are – we pointed out that listening to John Sergeant try and musically channel the spirit of Christmas for three minutes would be about as festive as carbon monoxide poisoning. But we were wrong.
We know this because regular hecklerspray reader Kenton Hall co-wrote the bloody thing, and he helpfully informed us that John Sergeant only faintly appears in the chorus. So, thankfully, does Adrian Chiles. In fact, the bulk of the singing on Let’s Not Fight This Christmas is done by Chris Difford out of Squeeze.
So, by way of an apology to Kenton, and partly out of sheer relief that we won’t have to hear a Christmas song performed by a man who looks like Santa’s gout-ridden cousin, not only are giving you the video to Let’s Not Fight This Christmas to watch, but also some links to where you can buy the song from iTunes and Amazon and HMV.
If that’s not enough to convince you, know that the song’s been released to raise money for Children In Need. And if that’s still not enough, know that YouTube user simpsondudes has called it “the best sond i hav heard in ages, lol”. Enough said, really.
Civil servants should be very, very worried. Your time is up. You’re about to be killed. Hunted like mongrels and executed before your weeping families. It sounds fanciful, but it is definitely, definitely going to happen.
