A year from now…

No. Sorry, no. We don’t do that. We’re not a TV supplement. (We wish!) (No, not really.) (We mean, Christ, can you imagine?) (Shut up.)

So, basically Only Fools and Horses, inherently British, pukka, CUSHTY Only Fools & Horses has just been commissioned for a US Pilot! Well, we all saw THAT coming, didn’t we? Nine years ago.

Presumably, despite the weary efforts of The Green Green Grass, and Rock & Chips (we know, right?) that large Only Fools & Horses  shaped hole in our collective existence is still very much present. So what are we gonna do with all our problems? Make America sort it all out for bloody once, that’s for what.

It gets better. Former US Office star Steve Carrell is the fella planning on taking the lead in the whole thing too. Thank you for fixing Great Britain, Steve Carrell! Again!

‘The British do sitcoms better than anybody else in the world. [N'aww, cheers Ste! Chuffed with that. I guess there's no need for a US remake then or anything?] But I think with the right scriptwriters and cast we could do Only Fools and Horses justice. [But...] If anybody wants to help me do a remake I’d love it, [Oh. Well there goes OUR self esteem.] ‘

This is what Carrell said of the idea this time last year, like the world’s least efficient Mayan that he is.

Under the helm of the *cough* writer of Scrubs (OH COME ON) with initial rumours of appearances by Jason Biggs as a ‘potential Rodney’ here is a US remake that really could take off. The Daily Mail even has a handy key of cockney dialect translations to assist the Americans in their foray into the capers of two LAHNDAN GEEZAS wanting to be MIWIONAYRES, like some sort of American dream or something! Pah!

Manifest destiny! Woo!

We can’t wait to see the really funny interpretation of the classic ‘Del Boy falling over sequence’ or the bit where they go to a funeral but *prolapses laughing* it’s the WRONG BLADDY FUNERAL! It’ll be like that bit in American sitcom Friends, where Ross goes to the WRONG airport to try and stop the woman of his dreams leaving for France. That was really, really funny. Or so we’re told.

Still, we suspect it will be rather funny – like that time Mike Baldwin from Coronation Street couldn’t find his house! Except that was Alzheimers of course.

So! Do you think this new incarnation of Only Fools and Horses will be…cushty..? (Did we do that right? It didn’t feel very right.) Or just total and utter crap on a stick?  Give us a comment just below, if you really truly for some reason feel your opinion matters and that we might read it.

We’ll leave you with the rejected pilot from the IT Crowd. Spot the sellout!

It really is like watching an alternate universe where Community Series 3 never got cancelled.

God, look at you all.

Sat there in your ostentatious Ivory Towers looking down on us in our hecklerspray hovel as we scrap around trying to pick a living from the meagre bones of underweight celebrities. You sit in judgement of us like a Feudal Lord views his peasants with seeming omniscience.

You sit there with your lucky dip box at the ready, it loaded with randomly generated insults and put-downs designed to make us feel like the lowest of the low, like the dog dirt on the shoe of the internet, like Tim Westwood. Your words are designed to cut, to hurt but are said with the best interests at heart. You want to protect your favourite celebrity because you know- deep down- that they’re too disinterested or stupid to defend themselves.

That’s where Readers’ Letters comes in. Every week we plunge our heads into the faeces clad Water Closet of the hecklerspray bedsit and extract from its odious bowels the hecklerspray Post Bag. It’s enough to make a porn star gag and yet we do it for you as a public service.

A community service, if you will. Ordered by the courts to pay off libel charges.

So here it is. This week’s delve through the detritus.

The internet. It’s so full of homophobes that you’d think it was like a giant, multi-billion-user British National Party meeting. The constant slew of comments coming from graduates of the Youtube School of Intelligent Thought is enough to make your blood boil until it resembles a fine Port. Take this example. You see, homophobes really like to drive home their point by making it in every available space:

The word ‘gay’ appears in an insulting tone a whopping seven times in a three word comment. To all of you, there is only this message. Being gay isn’t something that should be seen as an insult. It’s not insulting to be called gay. It’s just… not.

Of course, sometimes the homophobes manage to dress their homophobia up as a social commentary. In the case of Diane Richardson (her home address is not available at request), she’s chosen to stand in complete opposition to reasonable thought:

Gays have no right to inhibit free speech or define gay. Who do they think they are? Answer: Nobody! Some people ARE born gay I’ve witnessed this in my own family but a huge majority are gay by CHOICE, for instance poor men. Many poor men perform gay sex acts on men for money and in prison heterosexual men have forced and consensual sex with each other. After they’re released they go home to their women. (gross) Anne Heche (loved her hair) was gay for a while.
Sandusky, Bernie Fine , Eddie Long (all GOP) and other pedophiles are GAY because they engaged in sex with underage and adult males. Gays spent a lot of energy trying to convince everyone that pedophiles were straight. Fail! These guys had sex with boys and young men.

Well, there you go then. Here at hecklerspray, we like to start with the really vitriolic crap before we lapse into a more relaxed meander through the scores of people that despise us, not an entire group of people. It’s easier that way.

Speaking of people that absolutely despise us, Libertines fans have been sitting with their thumbs in their mouths, desperately hoping that someone would care enough to write an article about them and hark! Someone did. What did the article say? Does that matter when it provoked so much fury from One Eyed Jacks?

Worst article ever from a talentless author without any sensitivity for good lyrics and musicality.

Hmm… maybe he hasn’t heard The Libertines before. Still, fans of ‘The Mad-Libs’ aren’t the only group of righteous, entitled git-pots to get in touch this week. Earlier, Editor Mof flippantly mentioned Toni Braxton‘s numerous bankruptcy claims in an article about Whitney Houston’s moaning coupon and prompted furious scenes amongst Toni’s fan base.

Read that again.

Toni Braxton’s fan base.

We know. Give yourself a moment to take it in before you read what Brittani had to say:

You should really get your facts straight about Toni Braxton before you start speaking negative about her. That is pure ignorance! Don’t ever talk about Toni again unless it’s on a positive note! Shame on you! You shouldn’t be talking about Whitney either but I guess some people just have nothing else to do with their life but judge others…

Err… right. Sorry. We’ll never talk about Toni Braxton again. She can go on the pile of ‘Celebrity Irrelevancies That We Can’t Mention Because They’re Too Cripplingly Dull” along with Timmy Mallet and Sylvester Stallone’s Mum. It’s the only honour she’s ever likely to win again. This promise didn’t deter Richard though:

There was no need to use Toni Braxton’s name in this article, especially in a vicious mean way, you need to hope you never find yourself sick and in financial trouble, since you seem to think you’re better than others. Quite a shame.

Thanks for hoping that we never find ourselves in financial trouble! Would you be willing to help us out by setting up donations of just £4 a month that would allow Euan Davidson & Miss Robotnik to feed their monstrous cocaine habits? Anything you can give would help.

Let’s face it, everyone’s in financial trouble and we only have Toni Braxton to blame. Still, if you need someone else to blame, why don’t you try everyone’s favourite sexual pariah? No, it’s not Gary Glitter, it’s Caroline Flack! You already know that she’s limping through faked orgasms with human libido Harry Styles but did you know that someone calling themselves Harry Styles left a comment on our articles.

As usual with this kind of thing (see the Readers’ Letters Tom Hardy Special), we can only assume that the comment is from the floppy-haired-erection-monster and treat the comment with the necessary respect.

Harry styles is a cute nice boy Caroline you need a life touching body parts of q 17 year old you could be his mother you fucking idiot get a life and a real boyfriend and if you to get so serious the whole world will hate you Caroline and Harry one direction would be over and bye bye to your fans and Harry I am saying this for you I love your music and you

Harry Styles: demonstrable egomaniac. Not only is he a certified narcissist, he’s also criticising Caroline Flack for her love of tossing him off behind the bike sheds. Oh wait. Hang on. Maybe this isn’t Harry Styles talking about himself in the third person but some jealous One Direction fan who spends 3 hours of every day ‘worshipping’ their Harry Styles doll.

Still, at least worshipping a Harry Styles doll is closer to human contact than being in love with a video game. Yes, the announcement of Resident Evil 6 has seen accidental ejaculations all across the gaming world with one fan’s excitable eruption registering as a 2.3 magnitude Earthquake. The comment below- from Sasha- is indicative of the kind of response our article garnered from Capcom’s verbose and witty fan base.

”’_”’ ???_??? ^^^_^^^ “””_””” $$$_$$$ %%%_%%%** (LOL)** I LOVE U RESDENT EVIL

Moving away from video games and on to TV now as yet more comments pour in on our article which compares The Office with its American counterpart. The sporadic running battles on this comments section have largely turned into a series of vitriolic, xenophobic rants. Like Up Yours, who shoved a flaming envelope through our letterbox before flying home on a nuclear missile.

hey I bet this was some british fuck doing this review its cool to have country pride but just remember the AMERICAN REVOLUTION…… america!!!!! so quit being byes you uk fuck ….the office america wins this thats why it lasted 8 seasons …. suck that…you BOSTON TEA PARTY FUCK

TO ARMS, MEN! THE AMERICANS ARE COMING BACK FOR ROUND TWO! Of course, we’d usually moan about the fact that this article was written three years ago and have a good ol’ chuckle at the idiocy of the man who still believes this argument is relevant. However, given that our friend doesn’t appear to operate in the same area of time-space as us, that line would be redundant. This guy believes the Tea Party has just happened. This man is from the past.

ALL HAIL THE TIME LORD!

Before we all bow down in glorious acquiescence to our new ruler, we’ll leave you with this. Someone didn’t like us having a laugh at Drake’s expense.

Wow this is the worst article ever. Seriously. Kill yourself.

This can be roughly translated as:

Everyone who doesn’t like the same thing I like should either kill themselves or be murdered because my opinion is correct on every single point of minutiae.

So cheers for that, Comrade Stalin.

Until next week, our Semen-Stained Overlords.

Ricky Gervais seems to have the ability to rub people up the wrong way.

Maybe it’s his egotistical rants or perhaps because The Invention of Lying was complete turd. Either way some people just cant stand the sharp-toothed tubster.

Whatever it is it seems to be mostly unfounded. As both The Office and Extras proved that when paired with Stephen Merchant he has an ability for creating both comedy steeped in real-life while delivering some genuine drama to each scenario.

While Cemetery Junction doesn’t quite have the squirm-inducing Gervais in centre stage, it does have a trio of leads that seem adept at providing as much grounded humour, with the added bonus of not looking like a deep-fried marshmallow.

Set in ‘70s Reading, it’s hardly the glamorous tale that you’d expect Gervais and Merchant to promote after their international success and celebrity filled fun on Extras. What we get is coming-of-age drama, set against the backdrop of the blue collar upbringing of a group of three distinct lads.

While Freddie gets a job working for a superbly straight-faced Ralph Fiennes at a life insurance company, his mate Bruce is trying to cope with being a rebel, while Snork is just trying to be the ‘Gervais’ characters.

Although, that’s a bit unfair on Snork. The character provides most of the laughs as the comedy sidekick simpleton. The character manages to provide plenty of chuckles even if he doesn’t quite seen believable in the setting. Most of the early humour revolves around sniggers at schoolboy gay insults and Elton John’s sexuality. A few smaller characters also make an impact but it doesn’t quite hit the memorable balance of humour and humanity that The Office excelled in.

It’s more functional as an indie drama and it’s here, without the weight of expectation from Britain’s home-grown comedy heroes, that the story shines. A study on adolescence, marriage and dreams against the backdrop of ‘70s England with a great soundtrack. You care more about the eventualities of the situations rather on waiting for Snork to guff on Fred again. In that way, it’s probably one of the most involving British films for some years.

It’s clear that both Merchant and Gervais have filled the film with many cinematic influences and it plays on the era well. Also, the casting of Fiennes is a masterstroke, given that the legendary actor has a gravitas that makes much of his comedy the standout. Similarly, Watchman’s Matthew Goode makes for the clichéd controlling boyfriend between Fred and his love interest Julie. One trope of cinema that never fails to annoy is how the girl only ever discovers her boyfriend is such a monster when the really nice guy shows up. Presumably, being pushed around like a geriatric on a bus trip was all hunky dory before he arrived.

So it doesn’t all work on inventive levels but when the story and characters are propelling Cemetery Junction so well, it proves that Gervais and Merchant aren’t two of Britain’s best comedy writers but they’re actually two of the best dramatic ones.

‘Spray Rating: 4/5

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Ricky Gervais seems to be one of those people you either love or hate, or something inbetween.

As with any popular existence, he is subject to the normal animosity imposed by the group who are at present too cool to be a fan of a well-liked figure. Anyway, he’s got a DVD/Blu-Ray coming out of that Invention of Lying film he did, so to publicise it he gave a small number of interviews. One of them was with us, yay!

We also gave him the opportunity to plug lots of other things – see if you can spot them.

Hecklerspray:  So how’s your day gone so far, generally?

Ricky Gervais: (sighs) What do you want me to say?

H: Well… be honest.

RG: It’s a chore, it’s a chore (laughs).

H: Yeah? I imagine it would be.

RG: Why can’t people just watch the films and buy my DVDs and tickets without me having to do anything at all towards it? You know what I mean?

H: And why don’t celebrities want to have a chat with me without wanting to plug a product?

RG: I know – yeah exactly. We should just hang out and see if we get on before we try and plug my product.

H: And then maybe I’d suggest to people that they should watch the Invention of Lying

RG: It’s not even guaranteed, either. ’cause it’s not like I go “OK I’ll give you an interview but you’ve got to say nice things about it.” We could have an interview, I could be moaning and you could say, ‘not only is he a whinging f*cker but his film’s shit.’ It’s not even a guarantee.

H: The thing is, all the work is pretty much over for you after today. I’ve still got to review your DVD.

RG: Well don’t make it sound like such a chore, now I know what it sounds like, it’s terrible – whinging. Just get on with it; we’ve all got problems – Jesus Christ.

H: Alright, so you’ve got the Invention of Lying DVD coming out.

RG: (laughs) Thank you.

H: That’s out there now. The DVD menu, I’m not sure if you’ve looked at it, it’s probably the same as the cover [in appearance]. I haven’t seen the retail cover over here yet.

RG: Right?

H: They’ve done something to your face.

RG: Oh, airbrushing?

H: Yeah! Everyone’s basically whiter, but you…

RG: Not only is it airbrushed, but it looks like I’ve had reconstructive surgery.

H: I think… yeah…

RG: You know how it looks when they find a bit of a skull? And then they build the thing and they say this is what man would have looked like 5,000 years ago? It’s like that isn’t it?

H: So it’s an approximation of what you look like?

RG: (laughing) Exactly, yeah. It’s an approximation of what a British film star looked like in the year 2009.

H: Sort of stretched…

RG: Yeah, stretched, yeah. A little bit wide, yeah. A little less fat at least, which is good.

H: That’s true, the stretching does help.

RG: Yeah, exactly. It looks like I lost my eyebrows and I had to repaint them on like those old ladies do.

H: I didn’t spot that actually, I must admit.

RG: Yeah have a look at it – they sort of look light and fluffy.

H: I did enjoy the menu on the whole, mainly just because of that. So even if you don’t like the film…

RG: The thing is, they’ve airbrushed Louis C.K. and he still looks like a big fat ginger slob

H: But I didn’t think Louis, Jennifer or Rob looked that different to be honest, just a bit more ghost-like

RG: You don’t have to do a lot to Rob Lowe, he’s got the most chiselled… it’s ridiculous! He looks like an Action Man up close – his chin goes to a point

H: But what sort of utility does that have? Really? Apart from, I dunno…?

RG: Popping balloons at a kid’s party

H: I suppose maybe you could put cheese and pineapple on it, I don’t know.

RG: (laughs) Yeah, yeah.

H: So the concept of The Invention of Lying, where do you draw the line of what’s a lie? Because obviously you’d decided there’s no movies, or fiction in that respect. But then at the other end of the spectrum, everyone seems to say exactly what they’re thinking even maybe when it’s not necessary…

RG: Err, well yeah, that was obviously… yeah. I mean, it’s a house of cards; if you look into it too much it’s gonna be impossible. The joke was, that everything is exactly the same, except no-one can tell a lie. Not only do they not know how to tell a lie, but they’ve almost got a Tourette’s. The comedy comes from just saying what’s on your mind as opposed to being able to keep it back, and obviously that’s the fun in it. They still wear shirts and ties and have buttons and zips and cars and radio, so that’s the sort of joke. It’s sort of like a Flintstones-esque world where everything’s the same but made of concrete.

H: Well I liked the film, I’ll say that now to put you at ease.

RG: Oh thank you. I liked the film as well.

H: Yeah?

RG: I liked the idea, I thought that was nice. I like the fact that it’s probably one of the most subversive films in Hollywood because it was described as a Hollywood rom-com, which I like.

RG: Yeah, exactly. And I don’t get paid for any of it.

H: Suicide bombers, in comparison, have it easy. They only have to do it once.

RG: That’s true, they don’t have to get up the next day do they?

H: (laughing) No… well… I better skip onto the Twitter questions ’cause I think we’re running out of time, ’cause I know you like Twitter. It’s funny how the media seemed to jump onto the fact that you leaving is now a backlash against Twitter.

RG: I love that! All I did… I mean I didn’t even know they were listening. I think I did two twitters was it? Or three?

H: I don’t know, I only heard about it after you left.

RG: I think I did two twitters, one was saying “Hi, they want me to tweet – I’m just testing it.” The second one was something like, “I went for a run.” The third one was, “I’m quitting Twitter because I don’t see the point.” It’s nothing against Twitter, I think it makes sense for young folk, the social networking and having a hobby. For someone in my position it was slightly undignified, it was getting close to living your life like an open wound. As far as celebrities chatting to each other in public, it’s like showing off.

H: It does mean that you’re now in the same exclusive club as Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter.

RG: What happened there?

H: Well she… I dunno… she was a big user and then she left, so now you’re featured in articles alongside her.

RG: I think you’ll find that the biggest proportion of the world don’t Twitter, so I’m in a not very exclusive club. I think you’ll probably find that 5.5 billion people don’t Twitter (laughs).

H: They don’t matter though, that’s the thing.

RG: Well OK yeah, I suppose the subset is people who did Twitter once now don’t any more.

H: Well there you go.

RG: I don’t know how many people of those there are, but I’m in that club yeah.

H: Maybe just two or three.

RG: What if I Twitter again? Then I’ll be in the club of people that don’t Twitter, do Twitter, don’t Twitter, DO Twitter. So now I’m really narrowing down the amount of people who’ve done that. So I might do one Twitter saying, “I’m Twittering again.” Then another one going, “No, only joking.”

H: Well, we’re transcending many levels of reality here.

RG: That’ll probably just be me in that club then.

H: Well if you do it enough times, yeah.

RG: Exactly.

H: The first question I got was, [@the28wall] “Can we expect any more audiobooks and podcasts from you and the lads any time soon?”

RG: Err, yes, there’s one out today.

H: Yeah, to be honest I knew the answer.

RG: Oh, you were setting me up for a plug.

H: No. Well, yes, basically. That was an actual question though.

RG: That’s the last one for a long time, that’s number 10 of our ‘Guides to‘. The Guide to the Human Body. Oh no! The last one is in a month’s time, and that’s The Guide to the Earth. This is number 9, and number 10 will be the last one for a while.

H: There’s a question from David Schneider, he says, [@davidschneider] “Can I have some of your money?”

RG: Err…

H: That’s David Schneider the comedian.

RG: Yes he can. But in a very roundabout way.

H: How would he…?

RG: Well because I donate 40% of all my money to the Inland Revenue, and they go towards building roads and hospitals and the police force. So if he ever calls a policeman to come round, then in a way, I’ve paid for a bit of that.

H: You’ve not started to keep your money offshore to avoid that sort of thing then?

RG: No.

H: That’s good of you, you’re giving something back.

RG: I’ve buried it all and bought a gun.

H: Are you going to guard that every night?

RG: Exactly, yeah

H: There’s another one, this says, [@delphatic] “Would you think of producing something like The 11 O’Clock Show so you could help other fledgling comedians make a break?”

RG: I probably wouldn’t, but you never know. Myself and Stephen are doing a bit of extra-curricular talent spotting and executive producing. We’re sending Karl [Pilkington] around the world at the moment for a programme for Sky 1 called Seven Wonders, we’re behind the scenes on that. We’re also developing a new show with Warwick Davis called Life’s Too Short.

H: Very clever title.

RG: Yeah, which is fantastic. So yeah, I suppose we’re being a bit Simon Cowell on the side, and we do it with American Office as well. That’s purely a sort of production/business mogul type venture. So yeah, it’s not out of the question.

H: OK, this is a question from Richard Herring (the comedian).

RG: It’s not really – this is not really from Dave Schneider and Richard Herring?

H: Oh yeah – they’re on Twitter. That’s the genius you see.

RG: Oh alright, OK.

H: Richard Herring says, [@Herring1967] “Can I have a million pounds please?”

RG: (laughs) Erm… err… oh dear… oh dear…Well, I think the honest answer is “no”, and the dishonest answer is “yes”.

H: Right, OK, that’s fair enough.

RG: I’ve covered my bases I think there.

H: [Agreeing] So you’ve got everything. The last question is from Dom Joly who says, [@domjoly] “Can you lend me some money?” There seems to be a theme here.

RG: There seems to be a theme here of other comedians pointing out that I’m richer than them, and I think implicit in that, is that I don’t deserve it (laughs).

H: Do you think they begrudge you? Is that what you’re saying?

RG: Well they’re all very funny, and thank them very much for their questions. They’re all rich! Don’t believe the hype! They’re all rich.

H: Richard Herring stays in Travel Inns.

RG: They’re rolling in it. They’re trying to keep their street cred – I lost mine. I lost mine ages ago. But then I had it more than them for the first 36 years of my life (laughs).

H: So you think it’s levelling out now?

RG: Yeah, exactly. My poverty was extensive, so over the years I reckon they’re richer than me; if it’s in how much money you’ve had divided by the number of years you’ve lived.

H: I accept that, that’s good maths. I think that’ll do.

The Invention of Lying is released on Blu-Ray and DVD on 1st February

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter. But don’t follow Ricky Gervais on Twitter. We really can’t stress that enough.

Like everything from cultural imperialism to one specific type of muffin, The Office was a British idea copied by the Americans.

Both the British and American versions of The Office have been stormed the ratings, both the British and American versions of The Office have mined comedy from awkward and mundane situations and both the British and American versions of The Office have spawned movie stars, as seen in everything from Get Smart to Love, Actually to Pirates Of The Caribbean to that rubbishy George Clooney film about American football.

But which is better – the British Office or the American Office? It’s a debate that everyone has an opinion on but nobody has comprehensively won. And that’s why we’re here now. Using a complex scientific algorythm based on five categories, we’ve decided to find out which version of The Office is best. You may disagree with us if you like. Just know that if you do, you’re wrong…

BEST MANAGER

Gervais

Carrell

The most important factor of The Office is the manager, whether it’s Britain’s David Brent or America’s Michael Scott, because the entire show hangs around their actions. Both are essentially the same character – awkward, overcompensatory show-offs without a shred of self-awareness – but, although Michael Scott has long since developed into a more rounded character, he’s never quite managed to capture the stupefying arrogance of David Brent.

UK: 1 – US: 0

BEST LOVE STORY

UK -

US -

Tim and Dawn or Jim and Pam? Same syllables. Same longing looks. Same dowdy cuteness and unflattering haircuts. But, again, the difference between the British Office and the American Office is one of time. It was easy to string out Tim and Dawn’s unspoken office romance over the two short seasons of the BBC Office, ending the entire show with the flourish everyone craved. That wouldn’t work with Jim and Pam because there are just too many episodes of the NBC Office for it to stay fresh. That’s why we had to suffer through uncomfortably daytime soapish exchanges like the one above before they actually got together. And stayed together. And got a bit boring. Another point to the UK.

UK: 2 – US: 0

BEST SUPPORTING CAST

Keith’s appraisal

Kelly

Here’s where the sheer amount of NBC Office episodes actually work. Although funny, the BBC Office supporting characters are never more than broad sketches, and most scenes they’re in all depend on reactions to or from Ricky Gervais for humour. Meanwhile, over on NBC, some of the best comedy writer-performers around have been cast to flesh out the parts and create a network that exists outside of Michael Scott’s involvement. It’s probably the American Office‘s greatest achievement, so it can claw back a point here.

UK:2 – US: 1

ULTIMATE LEGACY

Dance

That’s what she said

A big one – what will each respective version of The Office be most fondly remembered for. The BBC’s Office, without question, has The Dance – a moment that won’t only be reenacted in pubs and playgrounds until the end of time, but will ensure that even if he cures cancer and wins the Nobel Prize, someone at the ceremony will yell “DO THE DANCE!” at Ricky Gervais. And he will do it. Meanwhile, NBC has “That’s what she said,” a smart, short, sophisticated line that anybody can drop into any conversation without looking too much like a copycat bellend. Plus people won’t think you’re a tit if you do it in public, which pushes it a million light years past The Dance.

UK: 2 – US: 2

FUNNIEST MOMENT

UK

US

The Office – Lady Suit


A contentious one, we know – it’s difficult enough to get people to agree on the funniest moments from any given episode of The Office regardless of which country it’s made, let alone the entirity of both shows combined. But screw it, this is our list and it’s scientific and if you don’t agree then you hate science. In the UK Office, Ricky Gervais grabs a serious moment and spins it into the stratosphere, while Steve Carrell’s scene is a masterpiece of escalation. But science tells us that Gervais shades it. You hear that, haters? SCIENCE.

UK: 3 – US: 2

So that’s it. Conclusive proof that the British version of The Office is slightly funnier than the American version of The Office. However, if we were doing a side-by-side comparison of British and American versions of Extras, America would have won. Even though there isn’t an American version of Extras. Basically we’re saying that Extras wasn’t particularly good.

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10 - Let’s play ‘guess what the snake ate’ – Best Week Ever

9 – Bald hedgehogs = ugly – Dailymail

8 – Kate Moss continues to look a bit weird - Popsugar

7 – A day late, sure, but here are some terrible Irish accents - Irishcentral

6 – A man complains about the American Office - LAT

5 - Perverts! Now you know which students to target with the most success – Forwardon

4 – TWO CAMELS IN A CAR! - YouTube

3 - Want to make your own dog treats? OK! - Instructables

2 - Want to see a picture of a toddler on a spike? You do? You’re weird – Telegraph

1 - We’re beginning to think that dolphins are just great big fishy stoners, you know that…

This is one we thought would never actually happen, like Mike Myers making a film worse than Cat in the Hat (The Love Guru) or James Bond wearing jeans (Quantum of Solace), but it seems that, yes, at last, Colombia Pictures have announced that Ghostbusters 3 is to go into production.

News as to exactly which cast members are retuning to battle ecto-snot and giant computer generated Liquorice Allsorts is thin on the ground. We do know that Bill Murray said he would never do another one. Then again Arnie probably said the same about another Terminator, until he was paid a gazillion dollars for Terminator 3: Rise of the Girdle.

What we do know is that the writing duo behind the U.S. version of The Office are on board – Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg. This is good because the Americans’ take on The Office is now far from the rotting beached whale carcass of laughs it started out as, yet bad because it was Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis who wrote the original Ghostbusters film, and that was more fun than a duvet you could wear to work.

Though being as they also wrote Ghostbusters 2, which makes us so angry we bite the TV screen every time it stuffs up the holiday schedules, maybe some new blood is what’s needed here? If they can explain why most of the cast have now gotten so fat they probably need mobility scooters, then more power to them.

Details of the plot are predictably just guesses based on no evidence whatsoever. We’ll throw our two cents in and mention something about the old group handing over to a younger, ‘hipper’ team of Ghostbusters, because that’s the terminally upsetting rumour that’s been bounded about in the past.

Imagine it now, Seth Rogen leads Fred Savage, Jonah Hill and Eddie Griffin on a comedy adventure ‘to unite the people and save the planet’. It’ll make 3 Ninjas seem like fucking Spinal Tap, we just know it.

Still, hope springs eternal. If Murray does sign up it’ll at least give him chance to be funny again, instead of all kooky and weird and covered in more make-up than a corpse. Think Kingpin, not Lost in Translation. And if they can bring back William Atherton as Walter ‘pencilneck’ Peck we’ll be some right happy bunnies. He rocks harder than a Hellboy happy slap.

Slightly obese humourist Ricky Gervais has landed a role in the new GTA game, due for release on April 29.

The man responsible for some of the decade’s greatest television has teamed up with the creators of the decade’s greatest computer game, in what has been described by one man as ‘a slightly interesting event – I’ll probably have a look’.

Ricky will appear as himself, performing three minutes of new material, as well as some jokes from his recent Fame tour, in the Liberty City Comedy Club.

Make no mistake about it, that’s a tough crowd – one poorly-timed dance routine and Ricky could soon find himself on the receiving end of the old ‘rocket up the arse’ heckle.

And once they reveal the ‘get all weapons’ cheat, well, it’s gonna be some kind of therapy-heaven for all those lost-souls that didn’t quite get The Office.

You know who you are – the ones of you who say Two Pints Of Lager is a brilliant sitcom (they really exist, you know) and who ask questions like ‘who’s better; Sasha Baron-Cohen or Avid Merrion?’

To these imbeciles we say: why not watch this instead? It’s far more up your street.

Ricky said:

“It’s a first – which always interests me. It’s seriously a big deal, though. Games have outsold Hollywood for the past few years, so it’s nice to be a small part of that. It was shot in New York, and I got to wear a tight lycra suit as part of the digital process. That wasn’t so good.”

Gervais also told Shortlist magazine that he appears elsewhere in the game too, but refused to say where.

The refreshing human being is currently directing his first film, about a world where there is no human gene for lying, as well as keeping us up to date with his attempts to get a certain fucking orange-headed friend out of podcast retirement.

Read it here.

Read More – Grand Theft Auto IV Stars Ricky Gervais – Telegraph

You read that right – The Office is getting a spin-off. Rumour has it it's about Pam and Jim raising a family together. Not just any family though – theirs consists of three children they found on an asteroid that crashed to Earth over 30,000 years ago. We know this because we read the script.

And by 'read it' we mean wrote it. And by that we mean we will write it soon. And by that we mean our nephew Ferdinand will scribble it down while we dictate. Our hands are withered and old. We can't even hold a pen.

But even if we do get our The Office spin-off prepped and ready – it'll have to settle for being next in line. A spin-off-spin-off if you will. That's because NBC just announced they've already got one gearing up for next season. 

Do you stay awake at night secretly hoping that Angela's cat didn't die in the freezer, but instead maybe it drifted slowly into cryostasis where it can be resuscitated once mankind has invented the proper microwave setting. Perhaps you want this because seeing Dwight cry into that little cherub statue left you feeling frazzled and gross. 

Or maybe you're more of an Oscar fan, and you'd like to see him realise his true feelings for Kevin – at least for an episode or two. Seriously – the tension there is driving us mad. While we're at it, perhaps you'd also like to see hecklerspray's mom allow us to move back in once she realises how sorry we are for yelling at her, and that in fact her meatloaf isn't always stupid and cold.

Please Mother, we're scared. You look so warm through the windows.

Well whatever The Office-related material you want to see, you may be getting a whole lot more of it – because it's getting a spin-off. Read For yourself:

"During Wednesday's annual upfront presentation of its fall schedule, NBC announced plans to air a spin-off of its Emmy-winning comedy The Office…While details about the spin-off are being kept under tight wraps, the show will hopefully take audiences on "another comic journey, complete with new faces and new locations, but with the same unique sense of humour and brand of quality from Daniels and his creative team. It's the next chapter of what viewers have come to know and love about 'The Office.'"

Thank you, eFluxMedia. And although NBC execs may be holding off on releasing major plot details, we have our suspicions as to the them. Creed moves to Miami and joins the local CSI program. Other Office cast members make cameos as dead bodies and what not. Also we find out that Creed's son was murdered years ago, and his was the one case he can never solve. Also he gets his own radio show with a bunch of people that are all just really funny and watchable. And David Spade.

Now that's good television.

Read More:

“Office Spin-Off On Super Bowl Sunday – G4