the libertines - HecklerSpray

Forget The Oscar Nominations! The Libertines Have A Documentary Coming Out!

January 25th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Why do people care about The Oscars? The winners get a lousy statue that resembles a gold-plated bottle of bubble bath with a screw top head. Hollywood has run out of ideas and has realised that the game is up, badly remaking Japanese films and adapting stupid books.

But Generation Yoof won't care about classic cinema being revisited will they? They’ve got Skins back on their worthless TVs.

And, worse still, sixth form politicians and literature geeks will all be going weak at the knees as skag wuss and all-round pus-factory Pete Doherty looks to cash in with a documentary based on run of the mill indie act, The Libertines. We expect no highs, just lows.

Pete Doherty Launches Jewellery Range Made Of Pus And Loose Teeth

October 19th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Jewellery looks good against human skin doesn’t it? Unless of course, your complexion is similar to freshly opened feta cheese. With ringworm.

Yep, Pete Doherty, who has 5000 GCSEs, is a man who could make the loveliest item of jewellery look like smack-head’s tinfoil down a grid.

But that isn’t stopping the Libertines dingus from launching a luxury jewellery collection alongside former Cartier designer Hannah Martin, who you may remember as being really annoying in Neighbours some years ago.

Pete Doherty Arrested For… Guess What? Being A Pointless Drug Hamper

September 29th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Oh look! How very pissing novel. Pete Doherty is once again adorning these pages because he’s in trouble with the law over drugs charges. One day, he might actually get ’round to making a half decent record and we’ll write about that.

The chances of that, however, are slimmer than his gnarled, eroded septum.

Yes indeed, stumbling puke gland Doherty has been charged with possession of cocaine after a party at which an heiress died of a suspected drugs overdose.

The Libertines to Spray Pus at Warm-up Show in London Before More Pus Action at Reading/Leeds

August 10th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! Middle class kids who dream of puking into mop buckets in bedsits! Start tapping mummy and daddy up for their credit cards now because The Libertines are playing a warm-up show in London, so you can get up close and personal with each and every one of Pete Doherty’s weeping sores!

As well you chumps know, the travelling gaggle of nicotine stained Wotsit fingers will play at the? Reading And Leeds festivals, but they want to get a bit of practise in first at a warm-up show at London’s HMV Forum on August 25th.

Of course, they’ll pull the whole thing off like they’ve never touched a guitar before because that’s their schtick. ‘My hands are so disaffected that they can’t be bothered forming proper chords!‘