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The Hills

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt Continue To Waste Our Time

by Stuart Heritage

Remember when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills got married and everyone wondered if it was the biggest non-event in all of history?

Guess what – it wasn’t! According to all sorts of horribly depressing reports, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren’t going to legally formalise their Mexican wedding! It was all a great big waste of everyone’s time!

But, really, Heidi and Spencer should know that fake weddings are so passe – next time they want headlines they should try something more original, like getting caught in a bear trap or developing asbestos poisoning or playing frisbee with some landmines or something.

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Heidi Montag’s Wedding: What Do Really Minor Celebrities Think?

by Stuart Heritage

Now that the US election is over, it’s not uncommon to find any number of pointlessly minor celebrities drifting around without purpose.

Because, now that Barack Obama is president, celebrities have got nothing left to blab their relentlessly ill-considered and completely unwanted opinions about, and that makes them sad. So thank heavens for the brand-new hot-button topic that has allowed any celebrity – no matter how utterly insignificant they be – to spout on about it like they’re bloody experts. We’re talking about the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding.

Now, just because you couldn’t give a monkey’s bum that Heidi Montag got married to Spencer Pratt, that’s not going to stop luminaries like Perez Hilton, two people off The Hills and that woman who used to be married to the man who was in that plane crash that one time from gibbering on like self-regardingnobsacks about it. Guess what’s after the jump. No, really. Guess.

Now that the US election is over, it's not uncommon to find any number of pointlessly minor celebrities drifting around without purpose. Because, now that Barack Obama is president, celebrities have got nothing left to blab their relentlessly ill-considered and completely unwanted opinions about, and that makes them sad. So thank heavens for the brand-new hot-button topic that has allowed any celebrity - no matter how utterly insignificant they be - to spout on about it like they're bloody experts. We're talking about the Heidi Montag/ Spencer Pratt wedding. Now, just because you couldn't give a monkey's bum that Heidi Montag got married to Spencer Pratt, that's not going to stop luminaries like Perez Hilton, two people off The Hills and that woman who used to be married to the man who was in that plane crash that one time from gibbering on like self-regardingnobsacks about it. Guess what's after the jump. No, really. Guess.
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Spencer From The Hills Thinks Gay People Rock At Doing Hair And Makeup

by Matthew Laidlow

In the old days, MTV used to show music videos that artists made to promote their new single.

But now in our modern society, MTV has changed and only offers programming that really has nothing to do with music. Well, Tim Westwood does play records we guess.

One of the most popular shows is The Hills. A reality show where we get to compare our own grim lives to those of some trendy twentysomething spoilt tits. Known for being a bit dim, Spencer from the show has decided to open his gob and speak about Proposition 8, the big hot topic in California at the moment. Remember, we did say he’s known for being a bit dim.

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Wait A Minute, Someone From The Hills Knows How To Write?

by Stuart Heritage

Generally speaking, the cast of The Hills are such a bundle of obnoxiously overprivileged mimsies that they seem incapable of wiping their own bottoms by themselves.

But there’s always an exception to the rule, and in this case it’s Lauren Conrad. True, she might spend her entire life trapped in an oblivious richie rich bubble – a bubble that most sane people would like to take a flaming cricket bat to – but you can’t say that Lauren Conrad doesn’t possess basic English skills.

That’s because Lauren Conrad has just signed up to write three young adult fiction books that she totally would have been asked to write anyway even if she wasn’t on TV all the poxy time. We don’t know about you, but we think that these Lauren Conrad books are going to be the best young adult fiction books written by a woman we’ve never heard of from a TV show that we actively dislike ever.Yay for books!

Generally speaking, the cast of The Hills are such a bundle of obnoxiously overprivileged mimsies that they seem incapable of wiping their own bottoms by themselves. But there's always an exception to the rule, and in this case it's Lauren Conrad. True, she might spend her entire life trapped in an oblivious richie rich bubble - a bubble that most sane people would like to take a flaming cricket bat to - but you can't say that Lauren Conrad doesn't possess basic English skills. That's because Lauren Conrad has just signed up to write three young adult fiction books that she totally would have been asked to write anyway even if she wasn't on TV all the poxy time. We don't know about you, but we think that these Lauren Conrad books are going to be the best young adult fiction books written by a woman we've never heard of from a TV show that we actively dislike ever.Yay for books!
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John McCain Pleased About Sick Props Fom Nondescript Reality Star Type

by hecklerspray staff

If you’re US presidential candidate John McCain, you probably spend a lot of time strategising your next campaign move.

You’re also likely to spend even more time strategising your next move in general like, you know, getting up out of a chair and such. The remainder of your time is probably spent watching MTV and keeping up with the latest juice on trashy reality shows like The Hills. Well, at least that’s what John McCain says he does, sort of. He may just have said something to that effect because one of the characters on The Hills announced her support for John McCain.

And he likes it. He like it good.

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Naked Audrina Patridge Pictures! Whoopty-Doo!

by Stuart Heritage

Stop the press and hold the phone – a set of naked Audrina Patridge pictures has hit the internet in a big way.

You know, Audrina Patridge. Come on, you must know who Audrina Patridge is. Audrina Patridge from The Hills. The Hills. Audrina Patridge from the MTV reality TV show The Hills. It’s a spin-off from Laguna Beach. Laguna Beach. Anyone?

Look, alright, we don’t know who Audrina Patridge is either, and we get the feeling that we’d rather hurl ourselves down a well than actually ever watch an episode of The Hills. But, hey, naked Audrina Patridge pictures! Let’s go!

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