Visiting foreign countries is always amusing when it comes to viewing their culture. Well, that’s if they have any original TV content left once formats for shows such as X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and America’s Next Top Model aren’t all chewed up and spat towards a country who then broadcasts the subsequent trash with its supposed “cultural twist” to make it “unique” and “refreshing.”

Because Britain and America are generally ignorant when it comes to other countries’ native languages, it can be fascinating to work out what people are saying.

However, actions speak louder than words and with a little advert for a Thai bubble gum we stumbled across.

We think we’ve worked out that, over in the land of androgyny and cheap cosmetic surgery, manufacturers of this certain gum have been able to slip in a version that is laced with speed.

Due to our cultural ignorance, we can only assume that the lady in the advert is either rowing herself gently down the stream, or spying a decent place to go fishing. If anything the advert gives the impression that she should be investing in an engine for her boat. Not only would it save her arms from unnecessary exercise, but also take in to modern times.

This is where we get slightly confused. There are only two logical explanations as to what happens next. Firstly, the bloke featured has just came in from an all night rave and is still eating his own face after swallowing a polo mint sized portion of ecstasy. Or the stranger and more logical explanation, the taste of this Thai bubble gum is so tasty and delicious that it’ll make us constantly chew off our chops despite the flavour disappearing ten seconds after eating a stick of the gum.

Prior to this mystery bloke flinging himself in the water, several health charities would have been concerned that the poor blighter was having an epileptic fit due to his whole body suddenly shaking.

Tee hee, let’s look at it this way. It’s funny because they’re foreign and different! Let’s all point and laugh!

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When will Gary Glitter realise that his punishment isn’t over?

Yes, he served three years in a Vietnamese prison for molesting young girls, but when he eventually gets back to Britain – where seemingly everyone in South East Asia is trying to make him go – he’s not going to be able to sit back, relax and record his new album as he said he wants to.

Though we are convinced that being a convicted kiddy fiddler wouldn’t stand in the way of chart success.

But Gary Glitter is making it all rather hard on himself, by refusing to travel back to the UK to face his further punishments. Instead he’s running about like a paedo-Benny Hill from airport to airport around the Asian region he was kicked out of, being turned away from one country then the next as everywhere locks arms with the sole purpose of keeping him out.

Now we’re all for human rights, we can be surprisingly liberal and we believe in equality for all – but we can’t help but find all this delightfully funny. No one likes you Glitter, and no one wants you.

After being released from prison on Tuesday, Glitter was placed on a flight that would connect him back to Britain. On reaching hecklerspray‘s homeland he would be met by police who would – after presumably stopping him from getting lynched by an angry mob, like we’re so good at forming in this country – make the glam-rock-pederast sign the sex offender’s register. His location and movements would then be monitored in a very thought policey way, though he’s a convicted child molester so we can make an exception for that particular Orwellian nightmare.

That was the plan, at least.

Instead, Glitter made sure he missed the connecting flight from Bangkok to Blighty by feigning first a heart attack, then a sudden bout of tinnitus. After waiting in the transit lounge for 24 hours, he accepted the offer of a flight to Hong Kong – probably expecting no one to have heard of him, what with that particular region having no connection whatsoever with Great Britain.

So it must have come as a real shock when he was refused entry to Hong Kong and instead forced to board a flight back to Bangkok, lest he be arrested for illegally being in the country.

If it were anyone else you really might feel a twinge of sympathy for them… oh well.

According to The Sun – a newspaper that once printed a countdown to when an underage popstar would be legal, yet at the same time prides itself on being something of a moral crusader – Gary Glitter said this while on one flight:

“God, am I happy to be leaving Vietnam and that jail. I should never have been in there.”

Though unconfirmed, one report (that we just made up in our head) suggests a response to this was:

“Shut up you fat old paedo, shave that beard off that makes you look MORE like a paedo and stop doing dodgy things with kids. You paedo.”

Unfortunately it would seem that Glitter will have to return to his home nation at some point, and stupid international law dictates that we have to let him in. As Colonel Voravat Amornvivat stated:

“We have to expel him to Britain, his homeland and the only country which must allow him to enter as he’s a national.”

Oh well, at least we know that if he survives the inevitable lynching, the press won’t ever leave him alone. Plus his new album will probably be shit.