Cosmo or Compo?

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• Vote ‘Spray! - We’re nominated for a Cosmopolitan Blog Award and sure, usually we’re not interested in accolades but… well… actually… yeah. We’re total award whores. Vote for us under the ‘Celebrity’ category. Go now… go on… we’ll wait.
• Stickman – Draw a stickman and follow a wonderful little story through to its logical conclusion.
• The Best Video Ever – Sure, it might be cruel but you can’t say it’s not bloody impressive.
• X Factor USA – Knowing full well that our very own Sophie Hall has the UK version of the show locked down over here, The Guardian have taken it upon themselves to make ex-Hecklerspray Ed Stuart Heritage liveblog the US version. Check his twitter for the links and whatnot.
• Cab Calloway - Here’s a picture. Why not?

Creased

• Skimming Off The Top - Just how do you end up with a bill of £16 for a muffin?
• Crack Pipe Show n’ Tell – Is it creased or is it hilarious?
• VOLTRON! – It’s coming back as a comic… for no good reason.
• Dark Shadows – Tim Burton has done it again. Wait… where Hele- oh, there she is.
• The Death Penalty – Well… duh.

By the way… remember…

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or face dire consequences or ‘Like’ us on Facebook or BUY ONE OF OUR T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE… & your little dog too!

Art School or Smart Fool?

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• The Pomegranate – The best phone ever made?
• Smash Google - Have you ever wanted to mangle Google for no other reason than the fact that you’re a violent sociopath? Well now you can!
• The Perry Bible Fellowship – A wonderful web comic that we’d all-but forgotten about.
• Slutwalk Photos – We’re suckers for a pithy placard.
• Alan Partridge On Twitter – No, seriously.

Creased

• BBC News - hecklerspray posted Scarlett Johansson’s naked pictures at 10.15am. Still, they like our pals at Holy Moly better than us.
• Texas Death Row – Regardless of your opinion of the death penalty, this makes for pretty chilling reading.
• Prada - Cutting edge of fashion or a hideous 1950s’ prosthetic leg? You decide.
• Glenn Beck TV – SOMETIMES SHOUTING AT PEOPLE ON TV ISN’T ENOUGH! LET’S ALL LEARN TO HATE ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL!
• Tatooine – It’s not quite as exciting now that they’ve found it.

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Justin Bieber has created a monster. That’s right – the 4 week old heartthrob has managed to get a young, innocent girl and turn her into a jaded, cynical, coal hearted ghoul. Bieber, mixed with American politics, has torn out the heart of a fragile young girl, now destined for a life of jaded pain.

So what happened?

Do you remember young Caroline Gonzalez being made mayor of a Texan town? Well, the 11 year old’s first act as Boss Of You was to rename Main Street ‘Justin Bieber Way’. Real talk. However, the machinery of the world has bitten her on the backside, creating a ghoulish creature ready to ruin the world. When she’s old enough of course.

See, what happened was that the sign made to rename the street has been stolen. Her first political act resulted in a rebellion from her people.

She’ll never trust another human as long as her feeble little heart has a beat in it.

Caroline’s father, Tony Gonzalez said that after she learned of the theft, he had…

“never seen her so mad”.

City officials have rushed a new sign out to replace it, which will also get stolen, thereby continuing the depressing spiral in the spirits of young Caroline Gonzalez.

Look what you’ve done America! If she goes on a machine gun rampage in a mall, you’ve only yourselves to blame.

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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

When a tin foil spaceship crashed all over Roswell, New Mexico, the residents there must have been overcome with anticipation of the tourist dollars that would soon stuff their wallets. As Roswell sat back and watched the green fly in (pun intended), Aurora, Texas must have felt slighted.

After all, they had a spaceship crash like 50 years previously – and theirs included a now-buried little green body.

Aurora, Texas was a quiet little town that once had something they termed ‘an airship’ smash into a windmill then explode all to pieces. The sight of an airship was by no means new – after all, a rash of the things had been reported all over the country. Texasescapes.com finds the words to describe things:

“The Aurora crash was, in fact, the culminating event in a rash of “airship” sightings in East and Northeast Texas, Oklahoma, North and Central Louisiana in the period between 1895 and 1898. Robert Atkinson, of Center, Texas, a veteran of the Spanish American War, often told of seeing, as a teenager, strange, “flashing lights” in the sky, as did Polk Burns of the same city. Similar incidents were recountered by Bud Knight, a prominent resident of San Augustine, Texas, who died in 1981 at the age of 108. Lee Choron, who died in 1976 at the age of 94 recalled seeing “moving lights flashing in the sky” while living in Swift, Texas… while in his “teens”.”

Keep in mind these sightings were happening in 1897 or before. The Wright brothers first flew on December 17th 1903 – not that airplanes were the first human-made vehicles to cross the sky. Hot air balloons and dirigibles had been around for who-knows how long. Let’s not forget though, that the above witness account claimed flashing lights – not flickering candles. Electricity, is of course, implied here. Although Ben Franklin‘s key had been first lit up by it several decades earlier, surely a balloon from that time couldn’t be suited up with light bulb wiring.

Now on to more interesting fare, the Aurora crash was reported in newspapers, diaries and letters to friends. One such newspaper article still exists. It’s from the Dallas Morning News:

“About 6 o’clock this morning the early risers of Aurora were astonished at the sudden appearance of the airship which has been sailing around the country. It was traveling due north and much nearer the earth than before.

“Evidently some of the machinery was out of order, for it was making a speed of only ten or twelve miles an hour, and gradually settling toward the earth. It sailed over the public square and when it reached the north part of town it collided with the tower of Judge Proctor’s windmill and went into pieces with a terrific explosion, scattering debris over several acres of ground, wrecking the windmill and water tank and destroying the judge’s flower garden.

“The pilot of the ship is supposed to have been the only one aboard and, while his remains were badly disfigured, enough of the original has been picked up to show that he was not an inhabitant of this world.”

Did you read that? The newspaper article said there was a body. What’s more – they buried it in the local cemetery. No really – we wouldn’t lie to you. Here’s a splurb from the historical marker screwed to the cemetery’s gate, or whatever:

“…This site is also well-known because of the legend that a spaceship crashed nearby in 1897 and the pilot, killed in the crash, was buried here…”

With a known location for an alien body one would suppose that concrete proof of alien visitation was just a couple shovelfuls away. We would that it was that simple. There was a tombstone at one point, allegedly – acting like the X on a pirate’s map. According to CBS11tv.com:

“There was a tombstone, with a marking that appeared to be half of a saucer, or the cigar-shaped object. Researchers ran metal detectors over the site where the ship was said to crash. Some say the grass hasn’t grown there since. In a nearby shed, there’s a well where wreckage, small bits of metal, was reportedly thrown. But in 1973, the tombstone and the metal in the ground disappeared.”

Still, it shouldn’t be that tough to find, right? A couple strong backs could probably have the whole place dug up within a few weeks.

If the locals would let them. You see, they’re conveniently tired of all the attention, and refuse to let anyone dig. And as for the owners of the well with all the debris down in it – well they cemented it over. Things really aren’t looking good here, are they?

So unfortunately, the mystery of the Aurora spaceship crash will remain just that – a mystery.

PS. Check out this detailed original newspaper article regarding the crash. We think you’ll quite enjoy it if you’ve got good vision.

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You have to hand it to Aaron Carter – not a single person has even so much as thought of him for at least a year, but his dedication to stereotypical child star behaviour should be applauded.

We're being serious here – look at what Aaron Carter has accomplished. He's the relative of someone far more famous than he is, he's been in a terrible reality TV show, he has pointless facial hair and he's embarked on a hopelessly misguided engagement. There's just one thing that Aaron carter has missed from that checklist. 

And now he's just ticked it off. Aaron Carter, you see, has just been arrested on suspicion of marijuana possession in Texas. Good work, Aaron. Go to the top of the class. That's right, next to Lindsay Lohan.

If tawdry tabloid stories about Hollywood dimwits that you genuinely couldn't give a stuff about was a game of Kerplunk, then there's a good case for nominating Aaron Carter as the flimsy plastic needle that holds everything together. Aaron Carter has apparently dated Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff and Hulk Hogan's daughter, plus he divorced his own parents once and was briefly engaged to a slutty beauty queen who'd previously dated his older brother before they inevitably broke it off about 30 seconds later.

Honestly, take Aaron Carter out of the equation and everything falls apart. Which is a pain, because it looks like the Kimble County Sheriff's Office in Texas is pretty keen to take Aaron Carter out of the equation. But that probably serves Aaron Carter right for speeding when he knew he had drugs in his car ready for police officers to stumble across. E! Online reports:

The 20-year-old singer was arrested Thursday in Texas on suspicion of drug possession after cops pulled him over for speeding and allegedly found marijuana in his Cadillac Escalade. Per the Kimble County Sheriff's Office, Carter was still in custody Thursday night in anticipation of his arraignment Friday morning. Sheriff Mike Chapman said the Aaron's Party purveyor was driving alone when he stopped in Junction at about noon. Officers found less than 2 ounces of pot in the vehicle, he said.

Although it's a little bit shocking to think that little Aaron Carter, the floppy-haired 10-year-old who annoyed the living shit out you a decade ago with that godawful Crush On You song, has turned to drugs, you shouldn't be surprised. After all, if you were Aaron Carter, wouldn't you try to get blasted off your face as often as possible just to forget that you were Aaron Carter even for a moment? Of course you would.

Anyway, Aaron Carter should just be thankful that he was arrested on suspicion of drug possession in Texas rather than Dubai, because the officials there would have slapped him silly. Not for the drugs thing – they'd have just locked him up for four years for that – but because Aaron Carter's got a gay little chin-beard and, well, doesn't that deserve a slapping?

Read more:

Aaron Carter Popped for Pot – E! Online