And it’s all thanks to that sheik’s lawsuit that threatens to push Michael Jackson into permanent financial ruin. According to reports, Michael Jackson will fly to London next week to give his testimony in the case that literally everyone’s calling ‘about the millionth Michael Jackson lawsuit of the last couple of years, and certainly one of the most dreary’.

But you know what this means? This means that if Michael Jackson’s going to court then the old Michael Jackson lookalike used in the TV coverage of his child molestation trial will get some work that doesn’t involve starring in adverts about the dangers of being hit in the face with a firework or being a scarecrow for once! This must be the happiest day of that particular Michael Jackson impersonator’s life.

Michael Jackson has a special history with London. It’s London that usually gets chosen as the venue for Michael Jackson’s eternally-delayed comeback concert even though not a single person on the planet believes it’ll ever happen.

It was London where Michael Jackson gave his now iconic ‘three lines of We Are The World and a sharp exit‘ performance of 2006. And, most fondly of all, it was London where Michael Jackson was allegedly caught jumping around on a hotel bed dressed as Mickey Mouse accompanied by several children in Peter Pan costumes a few weeks after being acquitted of child molestation. Ah, the memories.

And now it’s been reported that Michael Jackson is due to return to London next week, although sadly for something that doesn’t conjure up as many bone-chilling mental images – his lawsuit.

Remember Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa, the man suing Michael Jackson because he apparently gave Michael Jackson millions of dollars and let him live in his house on the proviso that they made an album together? Well, he’s called Michael Jackson to court to defend himself, as Reuters reports:

Singer Michael Jackson plans to testify next week in a British court in a lawsuit brought against him by a Bahrain prince, Jackson’s lawyer said on Thursday. “Mister Jackson is intending to travel to this country…and will be available to give evidence to your lordship,” Jackson’s lawyer Robert Englehart told the British High Court in London. The singer is expected to take the witness stand on Monday.

Now, don’t get your hopes up. Michael Jackson has already tried to wriggle out of the court appearance once by claiming that he was too ill, and Monday is a long way off yet – in Michael Jackson’s world that’s enough time to catch six or seven new illnesses, to be hit with about 400 new lawsuits and for a large percentage of his face to slip away from his skull like a sort of gruesome melting icecap. His court appearance is nothing like a dead cert yet.

But Michael Jackson would be a fool not to come to London. Not only does the court need to hear his side of the argument – that he assumed everything the sheik lavished on him was a gift – but also, if he does lose the case and end up penniless, he’ll be nice and close to King’s Cross. And if he wants to rebuild his fortune anywhere, he’ll find that wanking off drunk businessmen in an alleyway for pennies is probably the best way to start.

Bruce Fromong became the headline attraction of the OJ Simpson trial on Monday, when it looked as if his heart was literally going to explode in his chest during his testimony. But yesterday Bruce Fromong got to do exactly what he came to do – testify against OJ Simpson by contradicting himself as many times as humanly possible.

According to Bruce Fromong, he wasn’t scared when OJ Simpson burst into his hotel room, but he did fear for his life. Also, although he wasn’t trying to profit from his OJ Simpson memorabilia, he did want to make big money from it. Keep this up and Bruce Fromong’s going to end up as the world’s favourite feeble-hearted flip-flopping uncle.

The pressure on everyone involved in the OJ Simpson armed robbery and kidnapping trial must be huge because, literally, the job they do will determine whether or not a man will spend the rest of his life in jail. And that pressure seems to be most evident in Bruce Fromong, one of the key witnesses to the alleged crime.

On Monday, things got to Bruce Fromong so badly that he had to interrupt his testimony to stagger around clutching his chest like Indiana Jones at the end of Temple Of Doom. But yesterday, with his internal organs tickety-boo again, Fromong managed to pull himself together for long enough to tell the court exactly what happened in that Las Vegas hotel room.

Not that we needed telling, of course – ever since OJ Simpson was arrested last year we’ve known that he burst into Fromong’s hotel room with a group of men during a sports memorabilia deal and shouted “You think you can steal my shit?” about a billion times. The important questions are whether any of OJ Simpson’s goons had guns and whether that shit was OJ Simpson’s shit or something he’d already pooped out and legitimately handed to someone else.

Did Bruch Fromong clear those points up? Not really. AP reports:

He acknowledged that he said previously, “I felt my life was being threatened.” But moments later, under inquiry by Stewart’s lawyer Robert Lucherini, Fromong said, “I was not scared.” He insisted the memorabilia Simpson sought was not stolen but said he didn’t know where some of it came from.

Well thanks a bundle Bruce. Really helpful. Almost as helpful as when you said you didn’t want to profit from the merchandise despite saying that you did before putting the merchandise on eBay with the description ‘The same ones stolen by O.J. in Las Vegas’.

So, where has Bruce Fromong’s testimony put the OJ Simpson trial? Exactly where it was before. Let’s hope that some of the witnesses called have at least some clue about what’s going on, otherwise we’re not going to get anywhere at all.

Unless they all have crazy old health scares like Bruce Fromong did. Boy, that was fun. We miss that.