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DON’T PANIC EVERYONE! Frankie from The Saturdays has been found alive and well! Go back about your business.
The World was left in a state of shock when The Saturdays pitched up on London’s Oxford Street to turn on the Christmas lights, only to find that Frankie (the one people know the name of) wasn’t there.
It turns out that the former S Club Juniors singer was just feeling a bit poorly, so wasn’t able to join her band mates when they officially started Christmas on Tuesday evening.
The thing about terrorists is this – sure, they’re more than happy to sit giggling in a small room with a flaming gay Austrian for hours on end, but if you put it in an international film, darn it all, they are gonna have to save face.
And when we say save face, we mean they’re gonna have to kill Sacha Baron Cohen. After all, in his Bruno movie he somehow made them all look homo friendly – and something like that could lead to a lot of teasing at the next militant Muslim extremist Christmas gala.
Now we’ve never seen Rachael Ray’s TV show or read any of her books – we’re not even exactly sure who she is – but that bitch is a freaking terrorist.
Why? Because Rachael Ray will only be happy when the charred remains of the western world are enslaved by evil democracy-shunning, freedom-hating Arabs. This is a well-established fact.
How do we know this? Because Rachael Ray was recently seen in a Dunkin’ Donuts advert wearing a scarf that, if you get far enough away from it and squint, looks vaguely like the kind of thing that Yasser Arafat used to wear, even though it’s flowery and made of silk. What that means is that Rachael Ray is the worst kind of terrorist bitch from hell and should probably be executed in public for her implied beliefs. Or so we’re told.
