Articles tagged with: television shows
Britney Spears Never Learns Vol. 15: A Return to Reality TV
Why can't Britney Spears just decide whether or not she's actually getting better? There's no punchline to that, by the way, it's just a question. Maybe it's because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for MTV. While we're not so cynical as to deny there may be genuine reasons for the show, we are cynical enough to expect this to be one of the worst decisions she has ever made. Reality shows aren't exactly the fast-track to normality that Britney seems to think they are, and her reasons of 'to get me mah kids back' isn't exactly the finest of reasons to put yourself on worldwide public display. While you're recovering from a mental breakdown. While your dad has to look after you. While you're trying desperately not to humiliate yourself publicly again. Someone have a word with the girl, please.
Why can't Britney Spears just decide whether or not she's actually getting better? There's no punchline to that, by the way, it's just a question. Maybe it's because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for MTV. While we're not so cynical as to deny there may be genuine reasons for the show, we are cynical enough to expect this to be one of the worst decisions she has ever made. Reality shows aren't exactly the fast-track to normality that Britney seems to think they are, and her reasons of 'to get me mah kids back' isn't exactly the finest of reasons to put yourself on worldwide public display. While you're recovering from a mental breakdown. While your dad has to look after you. While you're trying desperately not to humiliate yourself publicly again. Someone have a word with the girl, please.
See A Clip Of Stu’s Elaborate New TV Show
Today hecklerspray woke up and said to itself: "Self, find a way to return blood-flow to your arm or you'll lose it forever." But we were feeling too lazy, so now only type at half speed. You know the feeling - surely you do. We're having one of those days where the only food we eat are the fish crackers we ...
Today hecklerspray woke up and said to itself: "Self, find a way to return blood-flow to your arm or you'll lose it forever." But we were feeling too lazy, so now only type at half speed. You know the feeling - surely you do. We're having one of those days where the only food we eat are the fish crackers we ...
Gene Simmons Signs For The Worst TV Show Ever Made
As Gene Simmons' old band Kiss once sang "I wanna rock and roll all night/ and judge creatively suspect reality TV shows every day!" Prophetic lyrics indeed, because that's now what Gene Simmons has found himself doing. But before we tell you exactly what creatively suspect reality TV show Gene Simmons has agreed to judge, we should warn you that it absolutely isn't a joke - this show really is going to exist quite soon. OK. Ready? Jingles. Advertising jingles. Gene Simmons from Kiss is going to judge a reality TV show about advertising jingles, where contestants have to write advertising jingles for various products and Gene Simmons judges the jingles and someone wins some cash. The show's called Jingles, by the way, as opposed to its working title of What's That In The Toilet? Oh, It's Gene Simmons' Career.
As Gene Simmons' old band Kiss once sang "I wanna rock and roll all night/ and judge creatively suspect reality TV shows every day!" Prophetic lyrics indeed, because that's now what Gene Simmons has found himself doing. But before we tell you exactly what creatively suspect reality TV show Gene Simmons has agreed to judge, we should warn you that it absolutely isn't a joke - this show really is going to exist quite soon. OK. Ready? Jingles. Advertising jingles. Gene Simmons from Kiss is going to judge a reality TV show about advertising jingles, where contestants have to write advertising jingles for various products and Gene Simmons judges the jingles and someone wins some cash. The show's called Jingles, by the way, as opposed to its working title of What's That In The Toilet? Oh, It's Gene Simmons' Career.
Denise Richards’ Neighbours Despise Her And Her Fancy TV Cameras
Several years ago hecklerspray was gifted a beautiful video camera from a nice Japanese tourist that was afraid to chase us into a hazardous construction zone.
It was a nice camera too. It had an on and off button, a lens cap attached by a string, and as of 15 minutes after we got it – cement dried and smeared down the side. That was from the construction zone.
Our first project with the new toy was to film a typical day in the life of our grandmother. She cooked eggs, sewed a blanket, bathed with a wash cloth using stagnant water from the kitchen sink, and choked a neighbour with a hammock while accusing them of newspaper-theft.
She took to that camera pretty well. Nanners was photogenic too - and she more than convinced us the media had her all wrong. Yup – she’s a real Denise Richards. Don’t tell Richards' neighbours that, though. If they find out there’s another one their heads might explode.
They’re quite sick of her you know.
Several years ago hecklerspray was gifted a beautiful video camera from a nice Japanese tourist that was afraid to chase us into a hazardous construction zone.It was a nice camera too. It had an on and off button, a lens cap attached by a string, and as of 15 minutes after we got it – cement dried and smeared down the side. That was from the construction zone.
Our first project with the new toy was to film a typical day in the life of our grandmother. She cooked eggs, sewed a blanket, bathed with a wash cloth using stagnant water from the kitchen sink, and choked a neighbour with a hammock while accusing them of newspaper-theft.
She took to that camera pretty well. Nanners was photogenic too - and she more than convinced us the media had her all wrong. Yup – she’s a real Denise Richards. Don’t tell Richards' neighbours that, though. If they find out there’s another one their heads might explode.
They’re quite sick of her you know.
Ashley Dupré To Get Her Own Trollopish Reality TV Show
Ashley Dupré doesn't just get to have tawdry, regret-filled sex with every ugly old man that offers her cash any more, as if that wasn't enough. No, now Ashley Dupré gets to be on TV because of it as well, the lucky cow. Although up until now she was most famous for being the high-end prostitute who had sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer until he had to resign because of it, Ashley Dupré is apparently in talks to star in her own reality TV show. Honestly, she is. As yet nobody seems to know if Ashley Dupré will star in a Simple Life-style fly-on-the-wall reality TV show or a Tila Tequila-style dating show, but at the moment the latter seems to be out in front. Quite right too, because that's the only way that they'll ever get to use the title Ashley Dupré: Who Wants Me To Kiss Them With The Same Mouth I Recently Had Wrapped Around A Bald Old Man's Penis For Cash?
Ashley Dupré doesn't just get to have tawdry, regret-filled sex with every ugly old man that offers her cash any more, as if that wasn't enough. No, now Ashley Dupré gets to be on TV because of it as well, the lucky cow. Although up until now she was most famous for being the high-end prostitute who had sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer until he had to resign because of it, Ashley Dupré is apparently in talks to star in her own reality TV show. Honestly, she is. As yet nobody seems to know if Ashley Dupré will star in a Simple Life-style fly-on-the-wall reality TV show or a Tila Tequila-style dating show, but at the moment the latter seems to be out in front. Quite right too, because that's the only way that they'll ever get to use the title Ashley Dupré: Who Wants Me To Kiss Them With The Same Mouth I Recently Had Wrapped Around A Bald Old Man's Penis For Cash?
Michael Jackson Metaphorically Chained To Casino By Wonderful Mortgage Company That Owns Him
Long have we wondered what Michael Jackson's next career move would be. Will he make another album? Will he start a charity to help the big-nosed poor? Will he be another ride at Disney Land? Perhaps one where he puts roller-skates on his hands and feet and rolls about the room in a crab-walk type style with a saddle on his belly, and your height has to be below Mickey's hand to climb on board? Well we can tell you - he's gonna be a Vegas attraction. It's been rumored before, but this time it's different. This time he could be working directly for the mortgage company that just bought the $23 million dollar loan for his Neverland Ranch. It's perfect timing too, really, since Celine Dion just left Vegas and they are the exact same proportions, he could just use her costumes. Now that's economic efficiency!
Long have we wondered what Michael Jackson's next career move would be. Will he make another album? Will he start a charity to help the big-nosed poor? Will he be another ride at Disney Land? Perhaps one where he puts roller-skates on his hands and feet and rolls about the room in a crab-walk type style with a saddle on his belly, and your height has to be below Mickey's hand to climb on board? Well we can tell you - he's gonna be a Vegas attraction. It's been rumored before, but this time it's different. This time he could be working directly for the mortgage company that just bought the $23 million dollar loan for his Neverland Ranch. It's perfect timing too, really, since Celine Dion just left Vegas and they are the exact same proportions, he could just use her costumes. Now that's economic efficiency!
Disturbing Friday Fun: Stupid Gameshow Answers
We don't really need to explain this one to you. Suffice to say: get ready for the esteem with which you may hold the human race to drop a notch.
Charlie Sheen To Denise Richards: Blah Blah Blah, Something About Money
If you've seen Denise Richards on TV defending her decision to whore out her kids on a reality show, you'll know that she is right and Charlie Sheen is wrong. But get this - now Charlie Sheen is saying that he's right and Denise Richards is wrong! That's crazy - it's like everything we know is a lie! Or it's like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are a couple of utter shitbaskets who can't stop bickering in public even though it'll obviously be detrimental to their childrens' development. Anyway Denise Richards has been saying that she only made her reality TV show because she hasn't got any money, and Charlie Sheen has hit back saying that actually he gives her loads of money. Not all of it, though - he needs the rest of it for his whore fund. That's if he has a whore fund, obviously. Legally we wouldn't like to speculate.
If you've seen Denise Richards on TV defending her decision to whore out her kids on a reality show, you'll know that she is right and Charlie Sheen is wrong. But get this - now Charlie Sheen is saying that he's right and Denise Richards is wrong! That's crazy - it's like everything we know is a lie! Or it's like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are a couple of utter shitbaskets who can't stop bickering in public even though it'll obviously be detrimental to their childrens' development. Anyway Denise Richards has been saying that she only made her reality TV show because she hasn't got any money, and Charlie Sheen has hit back saying that actually he gives her loads of money. Not all of it, though - he needs the rest of it for his whore fund. That's if he has a whore fund, obviously. Legally we wouldn't like to speculate.
