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television shows

See A Clip Of Stu’s Elaborate New TV Show

by Shawn Lindseth

Today hecklerspray woke up and said to itself: “Self, find a way to return blood-flow to your arm or you’ll lose it forever.” But we were feeling too lazy, so now only type at half speed. You know the feeling – surely you do. We’re having one of those days where the only food we [...]

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Gene Simmons Signs For The Worst TV Show Ever Made

by Stuart Heritage

As Gene Simmons’ old band Kiss once sang “I wanna rock and roll all night/ and judge creatively suspect reality TV shows every day!”

Prophetic lyrics indeed, because that’s now what Gene Simmons has found himself doing. But before we tell you exactly what creatively suspect reality TV show Gene Simmons has agreed to judge, we should warn you that it absolutely isn’t a joke – this show really is going to exist quite soon.

OK. Ready? Jingles. Advertising jingles. Gene Simmons from Kiss is going to judge a reality TV show about advertising jingles, where contestants have to write advertising jingles for various products and Gene Simmons judges the jingles and someone wins some cash. The show’s called Jingles, by the way, as opposed to its working title of What’s That In The Toilet? Oh, It’s Gene Simmons’ Career.

As Gene Simmons' old band Kiss once sang "I wanna rock and roll all night/ and judge creatively suspect reality TV shows every day!" Prophetic lyrics indeed, because that's now what Gene Simmons has found himself doing. But before we tell you exactly what creatively suspect reality TV show Gene Simmons has agreed to judge, we should warn you that it absolutely isn't a joke - this show really is going to exist quite soon. OK. Ready? Jingles. Advertising jingles. Gene Simmons from Kiss is going to judge a reality TV show about advertising jingles, where contestants have to write advertising jingles for various products and Gene Simmons judges the jingles and someone wins some cash. The show's called Jingles, by the way, as opposed to its working title of What's That In The Toilet? Oh, It's Gene Simmons' Career.
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Denise Richards’ Neighbours Despise Her And Her Fancy TV Cameras

by Shawn Lindseth

Several years ago hecklerspray was gifted a beautiful video camera from a nice Japanese tourist that was afraid to chase us into a hazardous construction zone. It was a nice camera too. It had an on and off button, a lens cap attached by a string, and as of 15 minutes after we got it [...]

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Ashley Dupré To Get Her Own Trollopish Reality TV Show

by Stuart Heritage

Ashley Dupré doesn’t just get to have tawdry, regret-filled sex with every ugly old man that offers her cash any more, as if that wasn’t enough.

No, now Ashley Dupré gets to be on TV because of it as well, the lucky cow. Although up until now she was most famous for being the high-end prostitute who had sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer until he had to resign because of it, Ashley Dupré is apparently in talks to star in her own reality TV show.

Honestly, she is. As yet nobody seems to know if Ashley Dupré will star in a Simple Life-style fly-on-the-wall reality TV show or a Tila Tequila-style dating show, but at the moment the latter seems to be out in front. Quite right too, because that’s the only way that they’ll ever get to use the title Ashley Dupré: Who Wants Me To Kiss Them With The Same Mouth I Recently Had Wrapped Around A Bald Old Man’s Penis For Cash?

Ashley Dupré doesn't just get to have tawdry, regret-filled sex with every ugly old man that offers her cash any more, as if that wasn't enough. No, now Ashley Dupré gets to be on TV because of it as well, the lucky cow. Although up until now she was most famous for being the high-end prostitute who had sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer until he had to resign because of it, Ashley Dupré is apparently in talks to star in her own reality TV show. Honestly, she is. As yet nobody seems to know if Ashley Dupré will star in a Simple Life-style fly-on-the-wall reality TV show or a Tila Tequila-style dating show, but at the moment the latter seems to be out in front. Quite right too, because that's the only way that they'll ever get to use the title Ashley Dupré: Who Wants Me To Kiss Them With The Same Mouth I Recently Had Wrapped Around A Bald Old Man's Penis For Cash?
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Michael Jackson Metaphorically Chained To Casino By Wonderful Mortgage Company That Owns Him

by Shawn Lindseth

Long have we wondered what Michael Jackson’s next career move would be. Will he make another album? Will he start a charity to help the big-nosed poor? Will he be another ride at Disney Land? Perhaps one where he puts roller-skates on his hands and feet and rolls about the room in a crab-walk type [...]

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Disturbing Friday Fun: Stupid Gameshow Answers

by C J Davies

We don’t really need to explain this one to you. Suffice to say: get ready for the esteem with which you may hold the human race to drop a notch. We don’t really need to explain this one to you. Suffice to say: get ready for the esteem with which you may hold the human [...]

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Charlie Sheen To Denise Richards: Blah Blah Blah, Something About Money

by Stuart Heritage

If you’ve seen Denise Richards on TV defending her decision to whore out her kids on a reality show, you’ll know that she is right and Charlie Sheen is wrong.

But get this – now Charlie Sheen is saying that he’s right and Denise Richards is wrong! That’s crazy – it’s like everything we know is a lie! Or it’s like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are a couple of uttershitbaskets who can’t stop bickering in public even though it’ll obviously be detrimental to their childrens’ development.

Anyway Denise Richards has been saying that she only made her reality TV show because she hasn’t got any money, and Charlie Sheen has hit back saying that actually he gives her loads of money. Not all of it, though – he needs the rest of it for his whore fund. That’s if he has a whore fund, obviously. Legally we wouldn’t like to speculate.

If you've seen Denise Richards on TV defending her decision to whore out her kids on a reality show, you'll know that she is right and Charlie Sheen is wrong. But get this - now Charlie Sheen is saying that he's right and Denise Richards is wrong! That's crazy - it's like everything we know is a lie! Or it's like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are a couple of uttershitbaskets who can't stop bickering in public even though it'll obviously be detrimental to their childrens' development. Anyway Denise Richards has been saying that she only made her reality TV show because she hasn't got any money, and Charlie Sheen has hit back saying that actually he gives her loads of money. Not all of it, though - he needs the rest of it for his whore fund. That's if he has a whore fund, obviously. Legally we wouldn't like to speculate.
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Denise Richards Goes Bananas At Charlie Sheen Again

by Stuart Heritage

Ready for another round of Charlie Sheen Vs Denise Richards: Who’s The Most Confusingly Mental? You are?

Well that’s just great, because you’re just in time – Denise Richards has gone on TV to promote her forthcoming reality TV show Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. And something else, too… what was it again?

Oh yes, that’s it – to angrily lay into Charlie Sheen yet again, this time to deny writing an email requesting a sperm donation from Sheen and to bitterly invoke the memory of her dead mother an uncomfortable number of times, all with a terrifying “don’t mess with me, world” glint in her eye. Don’t believe us? Lucky the video’s after the jump then, huh?

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Jennifer Lopez Rears Behind Her Own Reality Show

by hecklerspray staff

Jennifer Lopez, my how we’ve watched you grow.

It seems only yesterday you were hangin’ with Puff Daddy with your corn rows and white jeans while he didn’t shoot Tupac. Then came the Ben Affleck phase, which cursed us all with morphing celebrity couple names into one obnoxious word, but you moved on to get married to a gaunt lizard man like Marc Anthony and have babies like we always hoped you would.

Well, looks like there’s nothing left for you to do. What’s that, Jennifer Lopez? You’re making a reality show? No. Listen carefully – there’s nothing left for you to do.

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Hell’s Angels Founder Gives HBO The Legal Finger

by Shawn Lindseth

Sonny Barger is a completely literate man. In the past he’s used his incredible ability to read to pen four books, maybe design motorcycle gang sleeve patches, and practice his cursive until it was pretty enough to win fourth at a state-wide cursive derby.

Also he used it to found the Hell’s Angels.

Yet even with such an impressive, well written, grammatically correct resume, HBO doesn’t seem to care. They think he’s a bandana-wearing douche that smells of rusty switchblades. They probably think that. We assume that is what they probably think.

And now the opinion that the mega channel may or may not have is getting them drawn into court. Because Sonny Barger reads well enough to know he’s been cut out of a pretty big development deal in a biker series he helped pitch to them.

Allegedly allegedly allegedly.

Sonny Barger is a completely literate man. In the past he’s used his incredible ability to read to pen four books, maybe design motorcycle gang sleeve patches, and practice his cursive until it was pretty enough to win fourth at a state-wide cursive derby. Also he used it to found the Hell’s Angels. Yet even with such an impressive, well written, grammatically correct resume, HBO doesn’t seem to care. They think he’s a bandana-wearing douche that smells of rusty switchblades. They probably think that. We assume that is what they probably think. And now the opinion that the mega channel may or may not have is getting them drawn into court. Because Sonny Barger reads well enough to know he’s been cut out of a pretty big development deal in a biker series he helped pitch to them. Allegedly allegedly allegedly.
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