Miley Cyrus Wishes She Was Normal, But Not Really People, you may want to sit down - here is a Miley Cyrus story that doesn't involve any unsettling teenage nudity. We know! Crazy, huh? It seems that Miley Cyrus has passed the 'inappropriate exhibitionism' stage of her development and has already reached the 'lonely superstar isolation' mark, as demonstrated by a recent interview where she did nothing but glumly reflect on how she wishes she could be a normal teenager. That's great - as we all know, the 'lonely superstar isolation' stage is always followed by either the 'drug-fuelled career meltdown' or the 'buying a monkey and considering it to be your only friend' stage. Which path will Miley Cyrus pick? We don't care, so long as she promises not to take any more pictures of herself in the shower. We've just eaten, Miley. Honestly.

Jeremy Clarkson: Badass Hoody-Basher

There are several things that you'd expect Jeremy Clarkson to be be questioned by police about - crimes related to dentistry and fashion, for example - but lifting a teenage hoodlum off the ground by his hoody?

Apparently so. Jeremy Clarkson has been in the middle of a police investigation over an incident that took place last month. Supposedly Jeremy Clarkson got angry with a group of youths outside a Milton Keynes ski-centre, picked one of them up by the scruff of his hoody and verbally threatened him. Honestly, what sort of a world do we live in where packs of abusive teenage would-be happyslappers can't even walk the streets without fearing that gangly, outspoken, badly-dressed, middle-aged motoring broadcasters will pick them up and tell them off any more. Someone should lock this Jeremy Clarkson bastard up.