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Teen Choice Awards

Sandra Bullock Wins Teen Choice Award, Does A Funny Dance

by Stuart Heritage on August 9, 2010 1 Comment

When Sandra Bullock comes to look back on 2010, it’s likely that all she see is a slate of total misery.

There’s been divorce. There’s been public exile. There’s been heartbreak so profound and all-encompassing that only the adoption of a baby could heal it. It hasn’t been a good year for Sandra Bullock at all. Until now, that is, because last night Sandra Bullock won a Teen Choice Award. You know who else won a Teen Choice Award? Justin Bieber.

So, you see, it doesn’t matter how many tattooed Nazi fetishists her husband slept with, or how emotionally vulnerable she’s become, or how freakishly rigid all that cosmetic surgery has left her face, according to the teenagers of America Sandra Bullock is still as popular as a stupid-haired infant with a girl’s voice and 400 different songs about Bebo. That’s something, isn’t it? No?

Miley Cyrus Poledances, Entire World Gets Stress-Induced Migraine

by Stuart Heritage on August 11, 2009 6 Comments

A correction – yesterday we said that the Teen Choice Awards were the worst thing on Earth. We were wrong.

They’re the best thing on Earth. And we have Miley Cyrus to thank. Miley Cyrus performed Party In The USA at the Teen Choice Awards. While poledancing. On an ice cream cart. In a tiny pair of shorts. In front of children.

Miley’s routine has sparked outrage from parents. They’re not concerned that she’ll turn their impressionable children into poledancers, though – they’re worried that they’ll grow up to release a song as woeful as Party In The USA. And rightly so.