technology - HecklerSpray

Lady Gaga Makes Being Pretentious An Art Form

July 16th, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

If Lady Gaga can be relied on for anything, it’s making an obscure artistic statement through the medium of insanely good dance tracks and shoes that are so high they’d make a drag queen weep.?

Having her hip sliced open by doctors apparently slowed Gaga down on her path to showing us just how shallow and unaware we are, but no worries, it’s full steam ahead on the good ship ArtPop. Which is her latest album, one of her tattoos and also the name of her new app. Gird your loins, you’ll be sick of looking at her face again in no time.

iPad 3 Imminent; Missing A Home Button Like A Big Wimp?

February 29th, 2012 By Robin Darke

Amazing isn't it? How a company can get people so worked up about a product which probably won't be that much different from what came before, but still make it seem that this is the best thing to be clad in plastic and metal since the original Terminator.

It's an astonishing thing to see Apple stores on launch days because between sweaty adults clamouring over an overly priced object like it was the last loaf of bread in 1920s Germany, there is the bitter taste of getting yourself in what feels like an exclusive club of Apple product users, even though they now rank into the millions.

So expect fervent panic and, frankly, rude pushing on March 16th when the iPad 3 is rumoured to be released. In typical Apple behaviour, there's nothing concrete to go on but hundreds of Apple rumours sites that seem sure that what they’re writing about is entirely correct and should not be doubted even though they are sure the back of the new iPhone will be made from unicorn hide.

Apple: Hating Those Other Pauper Devices

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Thanks to the rise of telecommunications, the humble apple and blackberry are no longer seen as delicious pieces of fruit. ?Apple? in particular isn't seen as something to make cider with, but as a massive technology company.

Steve Jobs was the bloke who modified the clunky Apple desktop computers that were once seen as inferior to Microsoft?s PC?s and transformed them into sleek and sexy devices. They?re so trendy that anyone seen in a Starbucks without a white coloured laptop will be scorned at; all whilst their double filtered extra frothy latt? with polar bear milk gets sabotaged.

So what have Apple done exactly? They?ve made the MP3 market their own with the iPod took the geekiness out of computing. Now, they're tackling the tablet market and have already launched various iPads. But Apple products are expensive right? Course they are, but that shouldn?t matter according to Apple?s Tim Cook. He says that cheaper tablets ruin it for everyone.

Steve Jobs: Mocking The Handicapped, Then Dying

October 28th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

When Steve Jobs died (most likely as a direct result of the shoddy piece of iCrap that his company launched just 24 hours earlier), tearful simpletons across the globe gathered around his grave to pay homage to the genius who Changed The World?, one recycled idea at a time.

When the prophesied iJobs resurrection failed to materialise three days later, a handful of maverick thinkers finally dared to suggest that maybe Stevie J wasn’t Jesus incarnate after all, and perhaps all the gushing, glassy-eyed dogma spewing across the Internet might have been a teensy, weensy bit overblown.

Various stories began to bubble to the surface about Jobs being generally a bit of a git-about-town, and the leaked preview of a suspiciously well-timed “definitive biography” revealed he was in fact a dirty, smelly, LSD-addled hippy with a bitter, venomous hatred towards anything that looked remotely like fair competition in the marketplace. And that’s not even mentioning his various attempts to abandon his first daughter.

The Real Actors Who Should Play Steve Jobs In A Biopic

October 11th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Apple geeks around the world were united in grief last week when Apple announced that Steve Jobs had suffered a fatal 404 error and couldn’t be restarted. Whilst a replacement for Steve Jobs had already been secured so Apple can dominate the market with sleek and flashy products that’ll require a replacement six months later, we don’t care about that.

It’s all about tie-in movie deals that are coming soon thanks to Sony snapping up the rights.

Total Film published a list of actors who they thought could play the billionaire tech lord throughout his reign at the helm of Appple. After Justin Timberlake successfully played Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and won countless awards due to his uncanny resemblance to everyone’s favorite social network poster boy, we figured we’d think about those who should really play Jobsy.

Apple’s iPhone 5 – Hecklerspray Has Exclusive Info!

September 8th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's medical fact. But pieces of fruit doesn't come complete with wireless signals, touch responsive features and slimmer looks than an anorexic model. Shout ?Apple? in the middle of any shopping centres and fully grown men will fall to their knees, bowing to a picture of Steve Jobs that they keep in their wallet.

You see, Apple users are a confusing bunch of smug individuals who like to emphasise the fact they are listening to their Apple MP3 players whilst typing away on their Apple Macbook and using Apple FaceTime with a fellow Apple enthusiast on an Apple iPad 2 to find out when the next Apple iPod touch comes out so they can effectively buy the same Apple product again.

Fans of this cult will be squealing with joy as buzz from the tech world tells us that the iPhone 5 is set to arrive in October. And we have insider gossip!

Badvertising: We Don’t Want To Lose Money! Please Buy This Obsolete Junk!

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Windows. You either love them or hate them. Some see them as an invaluable way to let light into an otherwise darkened home while others see them as 3ft x 5ft invasions of their privacy. There are many types of window. Sash, double glazed, casement, transom, going all the way up to the stately bay window and the magnificent stained glass window. Windows can give us light but also allow us to look out on the glory of our surroundings.

They allow us, from a safe vantage point, to see what’s over the next hill. To see if the grass is indeed greener on the other side. Depending on where we live, they allow us to see the options available to us in the wider world. For some of us, that might just be the decision whether to go to the bakers’ for a pasty or it could be the choice between two diametrically opposed directions on the street. One- to death and glory, the other- to a life less ordinary.

Of course, these are all pitifully weak analogies designed to bring us to think about Microsoft Windows. More than 20 years now, Microsoft have been inflicting their Windows operating system on PC-owning shlubs and fools everywhere. That’s not to say that ‘PCs’ aren’t good, of course, they are. Let’s just get that out of the way now before we end up with 79 comments to approve that all say “RUTRIGITHISGTNRTIG ANTI MICROSOFT BIASSSSSS”.

HecklerPlay: Technology And DJ Culture

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

On their debut album Pablo Honey, Radiohead have a track entitled, Anyone Can Play Guitar. Was it an ironic statement? Possibly, anyone can technically pick up said instrument and strum away, but it takes a slight bit of skill in order to actually craft and perfect some sort of pop song.

A decade or so later, their prophecy came true with the launch of Guitar Hero, a soul destroying button bashing music based game.

But that is only a game and if anything it encouraged more people to pick an instrument and learn to play songs for themselves. The opposite has seemingly happened in the world of DJing, partly due to the way music and technology has evolved. Instead of lugging a box of vinyl records around and breaking your back, this can be now be condensed via, CD, iPod and laptop. Using our vague experience, we?ll attempt to work out which is best, if any.

Stephen Fry Now Conducts Interviews In Less Than 140 Characters

September 15th, 2010 By Kris Silver

Stephen Fry is the Dad we wished we all had here at Hecklerspray, mainly because he's less drinky-drinky-touchy-feely than our real Dads, but also because he's so loveable and he loves technology.

Fry has always showcased his love for technology and yesterday conducted the first ever newspaper interview via twitter, in which he used the popular but ultimately pointless and constantly broken social network to talk to the only man in the UK with a name more ridiculous than (the sparkly new editor of Hecklerspray) Mof Gimmers. The impossibly smug Johann Hari.