Posts tagged as:

tears

Justin Bieber Has Been Dumped! Children Around The World Rejoice In Unison

by Matthew Laidlow

Nobody told us that Justin Bieber was back on the market via a flurry of texts or messages on Twitter. We had to do some detective work after mopping moisture from our trousers. Not because we were engaging in sexy acts with ourselves, but rather, the supersonic wavelengths shattered our bottle of No Frills gin [...]

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Monster Created In USA As Bieber Street Sign Is Stolen

by Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber has created a monster. That’s right – the 4 week old heartthrob has managed to get a young, innocent girl and turn her into a jaded, cynical, coal hearted ghoul. Bieber, mixed with American politics, has torn out the heart of a fragile young girl, now destined for a life of jaded pain. [...]

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Justin Bieber Gets His Very Own Street, But Just For A Day

by Matthew Laidlow

For once, we’d like to say how proud we are of someone. And the person is none other than Canadian dwarf warbler, Justin Bieber. Despite being twelve months old and having an entertainment career that’s spanned two decades, he’s kept his feet firmly on the floor and not gone off the rails. You can’t say [...]

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Justin Bieber Now Avaliable To Lick At Your Own Pleasure

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s hard to know when you’ve achieved ultimate glory. For football players, gracing the cover of computer games is enough to know they’ve reached the dizzy heights of fame, though the modern player will argue that having a kiss and tell story whored out to the press is the current recognition of stardom. But what [...]

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Selena Gomez Sensibly Won’t Ever Be Getting Married To The Monstrous Justin Bieber

by Mof Gimmers

Selena Gomez may be stupid enough to stay with Justin Bieber (who seems more than happy to have her be on the receiving end of a load of death threats and, rumour has it, likes cheating on her too), but she’s certainly not daft enough to marry him. See, Gomez obviously wants to listen to [...]

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Justin Bieber To Take A Month Off Which Is Great News For Humankind

by Mof Gimmers

Infant prancer, Justin Bieber, is to take a month off work, meaning that, by the time August is up, he will have taken half of his life off as a holiday, which is quite astonishing and welcome news to anyone who is in possession of at least one crude hearing receptacle on their head. In [...]

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Justin Bieber Hates Selena Gomez And Won’t Be Going To Her Birthday Party

by Mof Gimmers

A girl’s 19th birthday is the most important day of her life isn’t it? It’s the day womenfolk shed that pesky third nipple, lose that feathery down and finally are allowed to start buying adult shoes. It’s a momentous day. And so, with it being a day of such huge importance, all friends and family [...]

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Bieber Says Kanye Isn’t An A-Hole, Which Means That He Probably Is

by Mof Gimmers

Think of Kanye West and you’ll think “Gah! What an unbearable weapon he is!” That’s regardless of whether or not you like his music (in fairness, his last LP was great). However, there are Kanye apologists in the world… one of them distinctly Justin Bieber shaped. Despite the fact Kanye compared himself to Jesus and [...]

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Justin Bieber Goes Camping To Surpress Crippling Loneliness And Get Eaten By Bears

by Mof Gimmers

What do you do when you’re feeling lonely? If you’ve got a partner away on business, the easiest thing to do is go camping and shit in a hedge. Right? We say that because this is precisely what Justin Bieber has decided to do while Selena Gomez is away with work. The foetal singing sensation [...]

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Selena Gomez Doesn’t Care What You Idiot Bieber Fans Think! Do Your Worst If You Like!

by Mof Gimmers

Ever since Selena Gomez started getting her training bra felt up by pop-infant, Justin Bieber, she’s been ridden roughshod by the absolutely terrifying and insane Beliebers who took it upon themselves to send her blood-curdling death threats. Some threatened to ‘cut her a Chelsea Smile’, with others saying they were going to sneak into her [...]

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