Taylor Swift (the Hayseed Barbie) has apparently been offered the role of Eponine in Tom Hooper’s new ‘Les Miserables’ film, which is clearly terrible news for those chumps amongst you who like overwrought musicals.
What’ll irritate the purists even more is that Swift has seemingly beaten off (no, not like that) actual actors including Lea Michele, Scarlett Johansson and Evan Rachel Wood.
Teenyboppers will be thrilling one off all over their Hello Kitty pen-tops while adults will be puking in their hands at the disgust of it all.
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A film version of Les Miserables is afoot and everyone wants in because it really is exactly the kind of overwrought, bust-heaving weariness that gets you an Oscar nomination. And the thesps are circling like vultures!
Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift and Lea Michele (the main girl from Glee) are all competing with each other so they can land the coveted role in the upcoming Les Mis movie.
If any brake cables get cut in some terrible ‘accident’, you’ll know exactly who to blame. Right? There’s already a superstar cast signed up for this film too.
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You’re about to read an article that does not feature a picture of Taylor Swift with her boobies out. Sure, there IS a picture of what APPEARS to be Taylor Swift with her boobies out, but you’re imagining it.
Got that?
So the leaked picture which is over the jump is totally a figment of your imagination AND Taylor Swift is suing people about this picture which she says isn’t her. But she’s suing all the same. Of course, the image is NSFW. And no is it Taylor Swift. Definitely not.
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Kanye West likes to remind us how ghetto he is whenever he can, because we shouldn’t be fooled by the rocks that he’s got, he’s still Kanye from the block.
But Kanye’s ghetto credentials may finally get revoked if rumours of his latest business venture are to be believed.
According to some magazine we’d never heard of until now, Kanye is to launch a new line of designer silk scarves. Which, as we all know, is the fashion accessory every wannabe gangbanger has been missing all this time.
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Remember the first time you watched The Bodyguard? It felt like it was 37 hours long didn’t it? Still, nowhere near as long as the hideous ‘I Will Always Love YooooooOOOoOoOOOUuu’ haunted our pop charts.
As an aside, have you ever noticed that Whitney Houston looks like she’s having an alfresco dump as the key-change kicks in on the promo video for the song?
Anyway, Warner Bros are looking to remake the film about Whitney Houston being stalked by someone and then, ultimately, falling in love with one of the most boring faced humans on Earth, Kevin Costner. And sadly, it appears that they’re lining up Rihanna for the role.
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Pot Noodle headed Taylor Swift and tree-faced Jake Gyllenhaal have, apparently, broken up. That didn’t last long did it? Clearly, this is a cheap ploy on behalf of Gyllenhaal to get free promotion from Swift as she writes all about it on her next insipidly twee album of soul-searching garbage.
Taylor Swift is clearly an unbearable human. Even Kanye West hates her and he’s one of the most preposterous dipsticks in human history.
Jake Hisnameistoolonganddifficulttospellwithoutcheckingtentimes is the latest on the list of men who seemingly can’t stand to be in the company of Taylor Swift.
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Kanye West is a man with a rather high opinion of himself. Is that something of an understatement? In fact, don’t answer that because it clearly is. Kanye West is a man who sees himself as a renegade… a seeker of the real… a man with no fear.
Sadly, to anyone with even the vaguest trace of a braincell can see that he just needs a hug. For some time, West has been thrashing around, swatting away imagined threats. Sometimes, he’s bang on the money but, unfortunately for him, he most looks like someone trying to stab the night sky with a pitchfork.
And just when you thought he might settle down and just get on with being a musician again, he goes off on a 10 minute meltdown, wagging his finger at the world before sticking up his arse in some horrific mixture of self-abasement and foamy knuckled onanism. Read More >>>
Most people, when they turn 30, have a party or go to the pub. They might even go for a meal if they can bear the horrendous formalities of eating food in a restaurant. Not Jake Gyllenhaal. For his birthday, he’s going to swim with walruses.
You heard.
He’s going to do this seemingly pointless task in the Arctic Circle too. No, seriously. Goo goo g’joob. Read More >>>
