Articles tagged with: Taylor Lautner
Taylor Lautner & Taylor Swift So Adorable It Makes Us Sick
This Taylor Lautner/ Taylor Swift thing is throwing up a lot of questions. Are they dating? Is it for real? Does it even matter? Why are our lives so very empty? That sort of thing. But the good news is that Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift - or Twoler, as literally nobody is calling them - seem to be getting closer to one another. They've been on dates, they've been photographed together, they've given coy interviews about each other. It looks like Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are for real. Still, it must be hard to make time for one another, what with Taylor Lautner's New Moon coming out really soon and the album that Taylor Swift would do anything to promote and... oh, wait a minute.
This Taylor Lautner/ Taylor Swift thing is throwing up a lot of questions. Are they dating? Is it for real? Does it even matter? Why are our lives so very empty? That sort of thing. But the good news is that Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift - or Twoler, as literally nobody is calling them - seem to be getting closer to one another. They've been on dates, they've been photographed together, they've given coy interviews about each other. It looks like Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are for real. Still, it must be hard to make time for one another, what with Taylor Lautner's New Moon coming out really soon and the album that Taylor Swift would do anything to promote and... oh, wait a minute.
Taylor Lautner Wants Everyone To Stop Staring At His Nipples
NEW MOON SPOILER ALERT: We've heard from insiders that Taylor Lautner might take his shirt off in New Moon. But tell nobody. It's a secret. If you look closely at the New Moon marketing campaign, though, you might see hints. Like the way that, say, Taylor Lautner doesn't wear a shirt in any of the New Moon trailers. Or any of the New Moon posters. Or the way that he appears to have never worn an item of clothing on his torso ever, even briefly as a joke. And this upsets Taylor Lautner. He says he wants to be remembered for his acting, not his body. And he'll prove it with his next movie, The Topless Adventures Of Captain Areola And The Greased-Up Avengers.
NEW MOON SPOILER ALERT: We've heard from insiders that Taylor Lautner might take his shirt off in New Moon. But tell nobody. It's a secret. If you look closely at the New Moon marketing campaign, though, you might see hints. Like the way that, say, Taylor Lautner doesn't wear a shirt in any of the New Moon trailers. Or any of the New Moon posters. Or the way that he appears to have never worn an item of clothing on his torso ever, even briefly as a joke. And this upsets Taylor Lautner. He says he wants to be remembered for his acting, not his body. And he'll prove it with his next movie, The Topless Adventures Of Captain Areola And The Greased-Up Avengers.
Oh For God’s Sake, It’s Another New Moon Trailer
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner: Smoochy Smooch Kiss Kiss?
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
New New Moon Trailer Gets A Teaser Trailer, If That Makes Sense
Want to know how big New Moon is? It's so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now. Sadly, we're not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans - about the trailer - a 15-second peek has emerged. Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.
Want to know how big New Moon is? It's so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now. Sadly, we're not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans - about the trailer - a 15-second peek has emerged. Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.
Twilight: Eclipse – Bryce Dallas Howard Is Your New Hate Target, Fangirls
Oh no. Twilight has started swapping its actors around again, and you know how furious that makes its fans. So who's out now? Has Taylor Lautner been elbowed? Has the recession forced producers to replace two of the New Moon Wolf Pack with some rudimentary kebab-meat statues of Adam Rickett? Has Robert Pattinson quit Twilight because he's tired wiping teeny urine off his front door every morning? No. It's the character of Victoria - Rachelle Lefevre is out and Bryce Dallas Howard is in. We suppose we should draft up that 'Robert Pattinson gets Bryce Dallas Howard pregnant' article, then.
Oh no. Twilight has started swapping its actors around again, and you know how furious that makes its fans. So who's out now? Has Taylor Lautner been elbowed? Has the recession forced producers to replace two of the New Moon Wolf Pack with some rudimentary kebab-meat statues of Adam Rickett? Has Robert Pattinson quit Twilight because he's tired wiping teeny urine off his front door every morning? No. It's the character of Victoria - Rachelle Lefevre is out and Bryce Dallas Howard is in. We suppose we should draft up that 'Robert Pattinson gets Bryce Dallas Howard pregnant' article, then.
Hooray! Taylor Lautner Stays As New Moon’s Weedy Werewolf!
Irrational teenage girls, here's a lesson - you can get anything you want in life with a healthy dose of screaming obnoxiousness. It certainly worked with Taylor Lautner and New Moon. After being told that he was too much of a scrawny little runt to continue playing werewolf Jacob Black in the Twilight sequel, a wave of berserk quasi-emo outrage from Taylor's female teenage fanbase has kept him the job. True, this means that Robert Pattinson will be replaced by a plank of wood with a merkin on its head for New Moon instead, but don't pretend you'll notice the difference.
Irrational teenage girls, here's a lesson - you can get anything you want in life with a healthy dose of screaming obnoxiousness. It certainly worked with Taylor Lautner and New Moon. After being told that he was too much of a scrawny little runt to continue playing werewolf Jacob Black in the Twilight sequel, a wave of berserk quasi-emo outrage from Taylor's female teenage fanbase has kept him the job. True, this means that Robert Pattinson will be replaced by a plank of wood with a merkin on its head for New Moon instead, but don't pretend you'll notice the difference.
Taylor Lautner Chubbing The Flip Up To Stay In Twilight 2
When Taylor Lautner landed the role of Jacob Black in Twilight, he must have thought all his Christmases had come at once. Sure, it meant Taylor Lautner had to make one film where he barely registered because everyone was creaming themselves dizzy over Robert Pattinson and his ridiculous homeless haircut - but in the Twilight sequels, Jacob is a lead. Jacob, mind you, not Taylor - according to reports, everyone thinks that Taylor Lautner is too much of a scrawny little pissbag to play Jacob in Twilight 2, so he's doing everything to save his job. If you need him, he'll be over there mainlining doughnuts.
When Taylor Lautner landed the role of Jacob Black in Twilight, he must have thought all his Christmases had come at once. Sure, it meant Taylor Lautner had to make one film where he barely registered because everyone was creaming themselves dizzy over Robert Pattinson and his ridiculous homeless haircut - but in the Twilight sequels, Jacob is a lead. Jacob, mind you, not Taylor - according to reports, everyone thinks that Taylor Lautner is too much of a scrawny little pissbag to play Jacob in Twilight 2, so he's doing everything to save his job. If you need him, he'll be over there mainlining doughnuts.
