Sylvester Stallone - HecklerSpray

Yo, Adrian! Rocky The Musical Is Going To Suck Big Time

April 30th, 2013 By Chris Chambers

Rocky the Musical is going to Broadway!?While at first it may sound absurd,?give it moment to sink in and you’ll realize just how genius it truly is.?Picture Nathan Lane as the Burgess Meredith character. A beefed-up Matthew Broderick as Rocky … so dopey and so very masculine, but somehow so?sincere at the same time.

Maybe Tracy Morgan as Apollo Creed, and?the skinny chick from Parks and Rec as Adrian. It’s magic waiting to happen.

The casting choices are my own, but, in all seriousness, the musical theater version of the Oscar-winning?film?is?actually debuting on Broadway in March of next year. That’s no joke. It’s been playing?in Hamburg since late 2012 to rave reviews, so why not make the jump to Broadway??We all know what exceptional taste the Germans have. David Hasselhoff, anyone?

Brad Pitt’s Chanel Ad and Other Pretentious Celebrity Endorsements

October 23rd, 2012 By Nic Ferguson

Brad Pitt’s new Chanel No. 5 commercial is painful to watch. And that’s mostly because the man we once loved?our Tyler Durden, our Mickey O’Neil?has become a giant clump of pretentious asshole.

In a single thirty second spot, Pitt joins the ranks of other stars who have been the face of pretentious endorsements, from Bob Dylan to U2.

Without further adieu, we bring you some of the most pretentious celebrity commercials.

5 Movies They Should Never Remake, But Probably Will

September 20th, 2012 By Gavin Bard

Remake. Just hearing the word is enough to turn the stomach of any discerning film watcher. It wasn’t always like that, but at some point in the last fifteen or so years, Hollywood decided that actually trying to have an original thought wasn’t really worth it anymore. Thus began it’s effort to regurgitate trite and borderline disgusting cash grabs as quick as producers could cut checks and pretend they actually do any work.

Even now that public sentiment has begun to turn against these horrible things, they still churn them out. Not a month goes by without a remake being announced that sends the internet into a blind rage. In 2012, it is estimated that nearly 60% of all movies released are remakes, sequels, or adapted from other material while only 40% are original ideas.

Rocky The Musical: Surely The Sound Of A Deaf School On Fire?

June 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Rocky films are great aren’t they? They started off as a gritty fictional document of a rising boxing star, closing with a film that showed Rocky Balboa resembling a relaxed, tanned phallus that has been dipped in a particularly aggressive wasp nest.

And while you think that Rocky was out for the count (or, It Really Should’ve Thrown The Towel In At Rocky IV Because It Was Ace), you’d be massively wrong.

That’s because Rocky is climbing up the ropes again in slow motion, this time with another hugely stupid idea which sounds like the work of a satirist. Ladies and gentlemen, in the blue corner we have decency which is already weeping… and his opponent, in the red corner, Rocky: The Broadway Musical!

Sly Stallone Launches Clothing Range And It Will Obviously Be Hilarious

March 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Sylvester Stallone is a hilarious man with an even more hilarious face, topped by his even more amusing voice. He’s a man who has made a career of sounding like he’s been stung on the tongue by a nest of wasps.

Of course, he’s much more than a mere actor. He’s a director, writer and launched the movie themed Planet Hollywood restaurant chain which are uniformly awful. That said, it’s kinda cool to eat a burger next to Spock’s ears in a clear perspex case.

He’s also a big promoter of cigarettes in his films and likes getting caught in Australia with human growth hormone vials. And now, to add to this glittering CV, he’s going to launch a menswear line.

Bruce Willis Survives Brutal Escalator Attack

October 7th, 2010 By Kris Silver

Hollywood hard-man Bruce Willis has managed to cheat death whilst attending a screening of his latest testosterone fuelled blockbuster. What was the source of the action star?s brush with death I hear you ask, an escalator.

No, you didn't read that wrong, Bruce Willis was nearly maimed by a moving staircase whilst on the way to watch his new film, Red, which sees Willis staring alongside John Malkovic and Dame Helen Mirren as?a retired CIA black-ops agent that’s being hunted down. Only in America.

Behind The Scenes Look at Stallone’s The Expendables

August 6th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

The ’80s revival is well underway now with right wing politicians in power in the UK, synthpop plaguing the charts and, right on cue, Sylvester Stallone is out with an old-fashioned action movie that’s filled with explosions, testosterone and big protein shake muscles constantly exposed.

It’s called The Expendables and we’ve got a behind the scenes look at the film, which includes Dolph Lundgren, someone being blown in half, Sly showing people how to look rock hard as the director and things on fire.

However, by far the most amazing spectacle in the videos is the film critic who appears at 1.36 who, on first site, will make you gasp with delight/horror. It’s worth tuning in for him alone.

Sly Stallone Shoots People During Interview. Honest.

August 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Sly Stallone is a fine and inspirational human being. You know why? Because he’s really old and has muscles. He also talks like a recovering stroke victim. If he can continue to get acting jobs and open up a dodgy restaurant chain with other celebs, then you dear reader, can do most anything if you put your mind to it. Oh, and his middle name sounds like the word ‘garden’.

Now, he’s so exciting and wild that he’s gone and shot a load of people until they are completely dead with a bazooka thing during an interview at Comic-con.

Of course, this is all to promote his new movie, The Expendables (adopts announcer voice) in theaters next Friday!

Schwarzenegger Believes People Will Still Pay To See Him Topless

March 25th, 2009 By Paul Gibson

Joyous news for people who just can’t get enough of old men’s saggy breasts on their movie screens: Sylvester Stallone has announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be starring in his upcoming film.

A little bit of sick has just come up into our mouth.

We knew that Stallone was a fan of whipping deceased stallions, but until now we thought Schwarzenegger had some pride. But something – the idea of recapturing his youth, the lure of making another bathful of quids, or the devastating effects of dementia – has convinced Arnie it would be a great idea for him to appear in Stallone’s latest film.

Mickey Rourke Seals Comeback With Gormless Stallone Movie

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This is Mickey Rourke’s year – by Christmas he’ll have won an Oscar, become the biggest star on Earth and colonised the moon.

That’s if you believe the hype. If you don’t believe the hype you’ll realise that Mickey Rourke was lucky enough to be cast in a movie that required a washed-up squidge-faced dumbbell who cries a lot as a star. But either way, thanks to The Wrestler Mickey Rourke is back in business.

So how is Mickey Rourke going to continue of his run of critically-acclaimed highbrow movies? By co-starring in a low-rent film about Sylvester Stallone killing everything. Whoops.