Welcome to the start of the last two days of our Dancing On Ice betting odds for 2008.

That’s right, the Dancing On Ice final takes place on Sunday – and if you haven’t placed a bet on the outcome, time is running out for you to do so. It couldn’t be easier; a couple of clicks and you’re away. And you deserve to win some money from Dancing On Ice, you know. Consider it compensation for watching the entire blinking series.

Who’s going to win Sunday’s Dancing On Ice final? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams and Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

Zaraah Abrahams - The thing about the Dancing On Ice final is that the judges don’t get a say. None of them. Not Skeletor Judge, not Silent Big-Face Judge, not Ben From Lost Judge, not even Queenie Theatre Judge. It’s all down to the public. And the thing is that the public can’t stand Zaraah Abrahams. Week after week after week she’s been in the Dancing On Ice skate-off and week after week after week she’s been saved by the judges. Without their interference, we get the feeling that Zaraah will be the first of the three to go home on Sunday. However, if you do bet on Zaraah Abrahams and she does win, you’re going to be rolling in cash like a pig in shit. Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 16/1

Suzanne Shaw - It’s fair to say that Suzanne Shaw has given Dancing On Ice her all. Early reports from behind the scenes said that Suzanne was taking the show so seriously that everyone else hated her prissy little uptight ways, and not even a succession of pretty serious injuries can move her eyes from the prize. But can Suzanne Shaw win Dancing On Ice? We’re not completely sure that she can. You see, when a man and a woman are in the final of an ice skating contest, the man will always win. That’s not sexism, that’s objective fact. When a man does a lift, he has to pick up his partner and hold her steady above his head, all the while zooming around a sheet of ice in shoes with metal blades sticking out the bottom. Meanwhile, when a woman does a lift she just needs to do a little jump and then hold her arms out and look pretty. And since the man works harder, he win. Even if it is a tossend like Chris Fountain. Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 9/4

Tomorrow - Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

The Dancing On Ice semi-final needed a required element that was suitably spectacular, but how can you top tiny jumps and dicking around with a hat?

Simple – a 20-second solo spot. For the first section of the Dancing On Ice routines, the remaining contestants had to make their way around the ice completely alone. And in all honesty it was a bit of a disappointment – nobody fell over, nobody smashed their mouth open, nothing. If only the Dancing On Ice producers had thought to do the solo thing while Greg Rusedski was still on the show. A shame.

But who’ll win the Dancing On Ice final? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

Suzanne Shaw - That’s it, we’ve decided that Suzanne Shaw is a Terminator. Most people wouldn’t have survived Hear’say‘s disastrously mismanaged crash and burn, let alone having Darren Day put his winky inside them, but Suzanne Shaw has come through with the grim battle-hardened determination to win Dancing On Ice. At the last count she’s broken ribs, chipped a bone in her ankle, shattered her skull, burst both of her eyeballs and pooed out her lungs, but Suzanne will win Dancing On Ice if it’s the very last thing she does. And, at the rate she’s ruining her body in pursuit of success, we have a feeling it might be. But there’s a stay of execution for a week because, despite attempting the petrifying-looking float spin during her Dancing On Ice routine to Eternal Flame, Suzanne came through unusually unscathed. The slow, dramatic thing obviously works for Suzanne, which is a shame, because her big routine next week is to Smack My Bitch Up. SCORE – 27.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 10/3

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

As exciting as the Dancing On Ice semi-final undoubtedly is, it’s also a time for sadness and reflection.

One Dancing On Ice contestant will be eliminated from the show at the last hurdle, never to quite make it to the grand final. Sure, they’ll have come fourth in Dancing On Ice, but don’t forget that it’s a competition where Greg Rusedski came fifth. Greg Rusedski! He was rubbish! But who will be eliminated from Dancing On Ice on Sunday?

Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Sunday’s elimination – for Chris Fountain, Suzanne Shaw, Gareth Gates and Zaraah Abrahams – with help from Paddy Power…

Chris Fountain – Chris Fountain won’t be eliminated on Sunday. He did a complicated jumpy-turning thing the other week, for christ’s sake, and that alone should keep him in. Plus he, um, skates around a table quite well. And wears stupid face make-up. Chris Fountain’s got it all. Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 18/1

Suzanne Shaw – Suzanne Shaw is a far better bet for Dancing On Ice elimination. Not because she’s hopeless – as much as it pains us to admit it, she isn’t – but because she’s spent the last few weeks injuring herself in more and more spectacular ways. At this rate her kneecap will pop off halfway through her routine on Sunday and hit Skeletor Judge in the eye. That’s an instant disqualification, in which case you’ll be quids in. Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 6/1

Gareth Gates – Could this be the week where Gareth Gates’ luck runs out? Of course, we don’t mean ‘luck’ at all – we mean ‘genuinely frightening fanbase’. So far it’s voted Gareth Gates through time and time again even though he’s never really done anything particularly grand. Can it last? Do people really like Gareth Gates that much? Current Dancing on Ice betting odds – 7/2

Zaraah Abrahams - Obviously the favourite for Dancing On Ice elimination this week. Zaraah has faced the dance-off for about a month on the trot now, and there’s no chance that she’ll win the public over now that Greg Rusedski isn’t there to take all the abuse. In fact, we’re not even sure that it’s scientifically possible for Zaraah to get through to the Dancing On Ice final. And that’s speaking as people with a mediocre GSCE science grade that we got over a decade ago. Current Dancing On ice betting odds – 1/3

Next week – Betting for the final of Dancing On Ice! Yippee! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

We bring you today’s Dancing On Ice betting odds in a triumphant mood, because we’ve just figured out something fantastic.

Last wee we whined that Dancing On Ice had a funny little obsession with bombastically telling everyone that each week is even more serious than the last, and that we wanted the show to have a silly opening for once. And what did we see on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice? A silly opening. Dancing On Ice listens to us! We feel so powerful! Now, this Sunday we want to see Philip Schofield present the entire show in a giant sombrero. Dancing On Ice, it’s over to you.

But who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

Suzanne Shaw – Suzanne Shaw has been on a rollercoaster during this series of Dancing On Ice. She came into the competition a washed-up pop singer with a baby fathered by a dickhead and it looks like she’ll leave as a washed-up pop singer with a baby fathered by a dickhead and a runner-up spot on a not very good reality Tv show about skating. But we’ll give her this – when Suzanne Shaw isn’t being an attention-seeking twat, her Dancing On Ice routines can be very good indeed. Even when, as happened in rehearsals last week, Suzanne kicks her partner in the face with an ice skate blade and then chips her ankle bone. Despite being hopelessly crocked, though, Suzanne managed to do well with her Dancing On Ice routine to Don’t Rain On My Parade – she managed a giant flip, some upside down lift-things and she didn’t just make spannering around on a chair on an ice rink look graceful, but she wasn’t chased out of the ice rink by an angry teenage supervisor for doing it like we have every time we’ve tried it. SCORE – 24 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 3/1

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

On Sunday’s Dancing On Ice, Holly Willoughby told us that “This week, things get serious.”

Sound familiar? It should do, because if you listen to Dancing on Ice, then things have been getting serious ever since that cleaner woman was still it. We thought things were already serious, but now we hear that things only got serious on Sunday? We can’t tell you how embarrassed that makes us feel. The only way that Holly Willoughby can fix this mess is for her to open this week’s Dancing On Ice by announcing that things are getting significantly less serious this week, and that everyone’s basically just going to dick around for an hour. Then we’ll feel better.

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, with help from Paddy Power…

Suzanne Shaw – Suzanne Shaw is probably the most controversial Dancing On Ice dancer of this year’s show. She’s controversial because she’s so obviously eager to win that we can barely look at her for fear of kicking our TV over in protest of all the disgusting effort and ambition she’s got, and she’s controversial because she kicked off a little fight between the Dancing On Ice judges because nobody could tell if she’s good or rubbish. And, in true Dancing On Ice tradition, she sure showed them. Her routine to Music got the highest score of the entire series. Her timing was split-second perfect, it was dramatic, it was exciting – and in the spin that Suzanne did by wrapping her ankles round her partner’s head, Suzanne provided her second ‘oh God, she’s going to die’ moment of the fortnight, If she keeps this level of performance up, we might start having to rethink our total antipathy towards Suzanne Shaw. SCORE – 27.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 4/1

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Gareth Gates. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

The idea of Dancing On Ice is just so brilliant, isn’t it?

It’s like watching normal celebrities dance, but on a slippery surface with huge metal blades strapped to their feet. That’s great – but it’s not perfect. The number of ways for celebrities to injure themselves could be increased so easily. Dancing On Ice is good, but Dancing On Spinning Ice With Landmines And Circular Saws That Randomly Swing Across Your Path is clearly better. We hope you’re writing this down, ITV.

Anyway, who’s going to win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw, With help from Paddy Power…

Suzanne Shaw - Suzanne Shaw might be the most annoying woman to ever strap on a pair of ice skates, but you can’t say that she isn’t trying. It’s literally like someone has a gun to her baby’s head and told her that they’ll shoot it if she doesn’t win Dancing On Ice, because the level of intensity she’s shown in the past has only been a shade less than completely desperate. On Sunday’s show, however, Suzanne managed to reel it in a bit – her routine to Walk On By traded her past toddlerish attention-seeking for something a bit more refined and emotional. And it worked a treat – the handstands, spins, lifts and eagerness to please were all still there, but we didn’t have to put up with the sight of Suzanne hoofing about like a woman possessed. Plus it nearly caused a punch-up between the judges. That can only ever be a good thing. SCORE – 23.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 5/1

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Gareth Gates and Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

Time for some more Dancing On Ice betting odds? You bet your balls it is.

Actually, although we’ve been hard on Dancing On Ice lately, we’ve come to realise that actually it serves a decent purpose – usually when people win these celebrity shows they try and get their own TV show, but not with Dancing On Ice. With Dancing On Ice, the winners tend to go off and ice skate for a living, like Kyran Bracken did last year. And nobody ever hears from them again. So, in theory, if everyone votes for Chris Fountain to win Dancing On Ice, he’ll quickly disappear forever. Bonus!

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw and Gareth Gates, with help from Paddy Power…

Suzanne Shaw – Last week saw Suzanne Shaw ‘raising the bar’ – as these sorts of cruddy reality TV shows like to put it – by turning in an audacious tap-dancing performance despite being bandaged up to the wazoo. Usually an injury inspires pity from the viewing audience, but not Suzanne Shaw, who’s striking us as a bit of a cyborg at the moment, albeit a cyborg with shit taste in men. Sunday’s Dancing On Ice routine was almost completely ridiculous – in a set of chavvy hair extensions, Suzanne didn’t so much dance to Are You Gonna Be My Girl as see how many different potentially deadly scenarios she could put herself in. And that was clear the instant Suzanne entered into a Headbanger spin – with her skull centimetres away from the ice it was easily the scariest thing Suzanne’s done since Darren Day. SCORE – 24.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 7/2

Gareth Gates – Want to know how competitive Gareth Gates is? Look at how he responded to the ongoing discussion about Holly Willoughby‘s risque dresses – terrified that someone was getting an atom more attention than him, Gareth turned up in an outfit where his nipples were so prominent that we kept ducking in case they took one of our eyes out. To be honest we feared that Gareth Gates would roll up to Dancing On Ice butt-naked this week, but instead we had to make do with some crappy flame-shaped bits of cloth pinned to a yellow T-shirt. Although Gareth performed a Dancing On Ice routine to Blame It On The Boogie, the real show was watching him battle his nerves after smashing up his partner’s body in rehearsal. And he sort of pulled it off, although the performance was so dull that we forgot everything about it the second it was over. SCORE – 20 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 5/2

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

There are just a few more days to go until the next fun-filled edition of Dancing On Ice, and we’ve got so many questions!

Like how much of Holly Willoughby‘s nipple will be on display this time? Will Greg Rusedski ever manage to not look like a Frankenstein robot controlled by a drunk fisherman? Will the male judge who sits on the end ever say anything of worth? Will we ever start to enjoy Dancing On Ice? Oh, and who’ll win Dancing On Ice?

Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Suzanne Shaw and Gareth Gates, with help from Paddy Power…

Suzanne Shaw – So far Suzanne Shaw has been the tabloid focus of Dancing On Ice. That’s not because of her ice skating ability, though, or her baby with Darren Day, or her one-hit wonder talent show band – it’s because she’s obviously so determined to win Dancing On Ice that everybody dislikes her and it’s all quite hilarious to watch. Especially when, like she did last week, she cracked a rib and still wouldn’t let it affect her merciless drive to win. Considering her injuries – which didn’t make her cry, actually, Michael Underwood – Suzanne managed to pull off an audacious Dancing On Ice routine to Fame that involved a tapdance start and a split that probably prolapsed her brain. SCORE – 22 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 7/2

Gareth Gates – Similarly, Gareth Gates has thrown himself into Dancing On Ice with such furious intensity that we honestly worry that he’ll shoot his eyes out of their sockets if he so much as half-fluffs a move. Strange that he should be so worked up about it, though, because for someone who hasn’t been famous for seven years, Gareth Gates still has a lot of adoring fans who’ll carry him through no matter what he does. Which makes him the male Linda Lusardi, but with less tits and more annoying referring to himself in the third person. Gareth’s routine on Sunday was to Razzle Dazzle, which was so ploddy that it bore no resemblance to Chicago whatsoever. It did, however, have quite a strong resemblance to the porn magazine Razzle, because Gareth’s nipples were poking out of his mesh costume like we don’t know what. We’re going to bill Dancing On Ice for our dry cleaning. Vomit’s a bugger to get out. SCORE – 20.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 5/2

Tomorrow: the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Chris Fountain. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.