Remember Susan Sarandon calling Pope Benedict a Nazi? That was pretty funny wasn’t it? After all, he was a Nazi at one point. He was a massive, massive… well… tiny Nazi in the Hitler Youth. Of course, the Nazism is nothing compared to the whole Catholicism thing.
Of course, you can’t go around calling a Pope negative names and not expect some heat from those mass-loving lunatics.
So step right up Bill Donohue, leader of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights to lay the holy smackdown! Probably in Latin too! Because Catholics are all completely mental and like responding to priests in a language they don’t understand! The cads!
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God isn’t having a good time of it lately. His representatives on Earth aren’t doing It any favours. Of course, God Itself is a spiteful, vengeful chump anyway and made man in Its own image, so It only has Itself to blame.
Going after the Almighty is Susan Sarandon. Of course, you can’t kick God in the shins so you have to pick on the next best thing… and that happens to be Pope Benedict: The Godwaffe.
Discussing her role in Dead Man, which saw her sending a copy to The Pope, she was asked ‘which pope?’ That’s when the Catholics got jumpy and started muttering ‘You wouldn’t get people talking about Muslims like that… it’s so unfair.’ Maybe if you started flying planes into buildings, we might be a little more scared of pointing out how mental some of you are, eh?
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Us cool dudes at hecklerspray aren’t perfect. In a bid to be totally sick and wicked and bad and whatever for you kids, we sometimes make mistakes, speak out of line or go a bit too near the knuckle.
The trouble is, and we’ll use a metaphor that you young people might understand, we’re constantly ’Hanging Ten’ on the gnarly waves of cutting edge celebrity gossip on ‘Surfboards’ made from insight, honesty and a childish fixation with willies and fannies. All while wearing a wetsuit of journalistic integrity or something like that.
But every now and again, we ‘Wipeout’, which I’m sure you will all is agree is ‘Bogus’ (is that the right word?). Sometimes our wetsuit falls off and our willies and fannies hang out for all the fish to see. That’s right, we have both. If you wanna see, meet us behind Google in five minutes…
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This was meant to be another traditional Christmas for Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, filled with everything they love.
Like, you know, tutting about healthcare. And whining about globalisation. And making festive dream-catchers out of taffeta and muesli for Ralph Nader. Or whatever. But, sadly, that isn’t to be – Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon have split up. They’ve been split up since the summer, in fact, but they’ve only decided to announce it now because they presumably hate Christmas.
But hey, let’s look on the bright side – now, instead of putting up with Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon endlessly preaching about their values around the world together, we’ll have the joy of putting up with Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon endlessly preaching about their values around the world independently of each other. That’s better, isn’t it?
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Naked and bare feet, naked and socks.
Folded:
Creased:
