Susan Boyle is a modern-day Sampson, but her power is kept in her ridiculous dead weasel eyebrows instead of her hair.
That’s the truth. If Susan Boyle ever decided to trim her eyebrows or brush or hair or do anything to change the fact that she essentially looks like a marionette puppet made out some chicken giblets and a second-hand merkin, then her appeal would vanish and she’d bellyflop back into obscurity.
So it’s with a heavy heart that we report that Susan Boyle has trimmed her eyebrows, dyed her hair and bought a new coat. It’s literally a tragedy.
