Everybody on twitter (yaa boo, sucks to you) is muttering about the UK Citizenship Test. This is the test that is flung in the face of immigrants with a look of “Go on. How much do you love tedious facts about the UK?”
There’s questions about the number of constituencies we have and the like. Of course, no right minded UK citizen would know that. Only a complete bell-end would.
And so, with people who have lived in the UK roundly failing the test (us included), we’ve decided to make a citizenship test that actually works, filled with questions about things that are unique to this stupid collection of horrible countries and provinces. See how well you fare over the jump, scum.
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Ashley Cole, kicker of balls and shagger of hairdressers, has been voted the worst husband EVER by the readers of ladies’ mag Eve.
Ashley, who cheated on his singer and fan of assault occasioning actual bodily harm wife, Cheryl, late last year, apparently received over half the votes in the poll. Well done, Ashley. At least you’re winning something.
It’s got to be hard to top the list of anything. We at hecklerspray can only manage number 45 in a list of the WORLD’S most powerful blogs, after all. But think about it; Ashley Cole is now officially a worse husband than Fred West. Definitely. He is.
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You know Katherine Heigl, the mouthy one from Knocked Up and Grey's Anatomy? You want her to be your girlfriend. You do.
You want Katherine Heigl to be your girlfriend because an AskMen.com survey has declared that Katherine Heigl is the most desirable woman on the planet and, as a man, it's the law to want her all to yourself.
And, you know, even if you're not a man you probably want Katherine Heigl to be your girlfriend as well. We're open-minded people, so we understand if you girls want a piece of Katherine Heigl too. Our only request is, if that should ever happen, that you film it and send us a copy. For research purposes. There's nothing funny about it.
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You don't need to be a brain surgeon to know that hecklerspray is in the midst of compiling the definitive 2007 list of UK celebrity trainwrecks. Have you voted yet? Why the hell not?
We've already had an overwhelming response, but now you only have one week left to submit your votes, and it really couldn't be easier – click the link and you'll be taken to a one-page survey that requires three clicks and nothing more. No contact details, no suspicious feeling in your stomach that we'll sell your addresses onto spammers – three clicks and you're done. And your vote is more important than ever, because right now two would-be trainwrecks are neck-and-neck for the top spot. Your vote matters more than ever.
So get clicking, and we'll reveal the top ten UK Trainwrecks of the year sometime in December. Two final points – 1) Britney Spears isn't British, so stop voting for her, and 2) to whoever wrote 'Stuart Heritage' in their entry – yes, you're very clever. Now don't do it again.
Take the hecklerspray UK Trainwreck Of The Year Survey now
