Katie Holmes Runs Away From Tom Cruise, Maybe…While Screaming…Possibly Run, Katie Holmes! Run as if Dawson's massive forehead were behind you! You're so close to freedom! For the first time in what seems like an ice age, Katie has escaped the clutches of everybody's favourite evil Nazi, Tom Cruise. Scampering away to New York City with daughter Suri in tow, Holmes was free to roam as she saw fit, without the watchful eye of the Cruiser looking over her shoulder. The official story behind her visit to NYC is that Katie Holmes is about to star in the Broadway production of Arthur Miller's All My Sons - but we know better. It's an escape ploy from Katie - she's clearly running back to the Creek: the one place she can feel truly safe from Maverick and his Scientology cronies.

Tom Cruise Unhappy With ‘Tom Cruise Is A Weirdo’ Book

Tell any man that his daughter was created with the sperm of a dead religious leader and they'll probably get angry - look at Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise's lawyer is on the warpath after Tom Cruise: An Unauthorised Biography by Andrew Morton was published, a book that makes all sorts of wild claims about Tom Cruise's Scientology beliefs while alluding to claims that Tom Cruise's daughter Suri was sired with dead Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard's sperm.

Plainly ridiculous, we know. Everyone knows that Tom Cruise has dried Hubbard's sperm out and uses it as a creepy pesto seasoning.