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Katie Holmes may well have finally escaped from the clutches of Tom Cruise, if reports in some glossy yank rag are to be believed.
The Star is reporting that the Tomkat experience is over and no longer a thread to the rest of us with their weird placenta eating ways. You can’t really blame them for thinking that though, what with the recent fad for celebrity separations garnering copious column inches in the run up to Christmas.
When you think about it, that’s just plain depressing.
Tom Cruise has denied that he’s nightly bathing in the blood of virginal $cientology converts, in order to stave off the ravages of age. That’s probably a wise denial, if ever we heard one.
Tom turned 48 years old on July 3rd. As is customary at this time of year, a painting in his attic gains a new wrinkle while the actor ages about one month out of the last 12.
Rather than admit to his fairly obvious Benjamin Button-style witchery, Tom claims that his four-year-old daughter is the key to him staying young. Yeah. Admitting to feeding off the soul of your child is much better than just admitting to anything else nefarious. Well played, Tom. Well played.
Run, Katie Holmes! Run as if Dawson’s massive forehead were behind you! You’re so close to freedom!
For the first time in what seems like an ice age, Katie has escaped the clutches of everybody’s favourite evil Nazi, Tom Cruise. Scampering away to New York City with daughter Suri in tow, Holmes was free to roam as she saw fit, without the watchful eye of the Cruiser looking over her shoulder.
The official story behind her visit to NYC is that Katie Holmes is about to star in the Broadway production of Arthur Miller‘s All My Sons – but we know better. It’s an escape ploy from Katie – she’s clearly running back to the Creek: the one place she can feel truly safe from Maverick and his Scientology cronies.
Tell any man that his daughter was created with the sperm of a dead religious leader and they'll probably get angry – look at Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise's lawyer is on the warpath after Tom Cruise: An Unauthorised Biography by Andrew Morton was published, a book that makes all sorts of wild claims about Tom Cruise's Scientology beliefs while alluding to claims that Tom Cruise's daughter Suri was sired with dead Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard's sperm.
Plainly ridiculous, we know. Everyone knows that Tom Cruise has dried Hubbard's sperm out and uses it as a creepy pesto seasoning.
