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Celebrity dregs Kerry Katona has posed in her grundies to show-off the fact that she now weighs marginally less than a manatee.
The mother-of-four blames her previous weight gain on the see-food diet; she saw it, she swallowed it, claiming to have gorged on ‘bread and cheese’.
‘Bread and cheese’, in this instance we hope, actually means she scarfed down insane amounts of pizza and Ginster’s pasties.
From DIETPIXIE - Big, lumpy, common, brassy, once-was-pretty, now fronts Iceland, Kerry Katona has decided her body is so ravaged that she needs a new one.
The woman who can honestly say Brian McFadden was the best she had, is to spend a small fortune on a set of fresh body parts. Despite continually protesting she’s brassic, she’s to splurge £15,000 on the full-body-service including breast reduction and liposuction.
Word from Stu on vacation is like a sweet breeze in the broad expanse of a desert. It’s like finally dancing before the king after literally years of practice and anticipation. It’s like pooping when you really had to go.
And in this we are lucky, for today we have heard from him again. Todays post tells of his adventures in a gastric bypass surgery center somewhere off the coast of Whales:
Dearest Readers,
I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny !I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be skinny! I’m gonna be…….
Yours in editing,
Stu
He actually went on like that over the whole front and back. We’ve just spared you quite a bit of useless reading you know. But oh that’s wonderful news for Stu! Well we’ll be dusting off those Jordache jeans you’ve been keeping since the tenth grade – and we’ll have them proudly displayed at the airport when you arrive.
Wonderful news! Huzzah for Stu!
It seemed so simple at first – Donda West died because her surgeon Dr Jan Adams was a drunken maniac who couldn't tell the difference between a scalpel and a banana.
Only it turns out that's not the case at all. The final coroner's report into the untimely death of Donda West – mother of Kanye – has failed to determine a conclusive manner of death, although surgical misadventure has been ruled out.
Great – we can buy Jan Adams' book Everything Women Of Colour Should Know About Cosmetic Surgery in good faith again. It's about time because, as women of colour ourselves, there's just so much we want to know.
Now that the death of Kanye West's mother Donda West is starting to sink in, the time for blaming people can begin in earnest – and that's not such good news for Dr Jan Adams.
With all signs currently suggesting that Donda West died from complications arising from a simple tummy-tuck procedure, it seems as if Jan Adams – the surgeon who operated on Donda West – would be the natural choice to bear the brunt of the blame. But remember that Donda apparently had a pre-existing medical condition, and that no surgical procedure is ever routine, so it's unfair to lay her death at the surgeon's feet so early on. What's that? Dr Jan Adams has a history of malpractice suits and a medical board tried to revoke his license because he kept getting arrested for DUI? Well in that case it's perfectly fine to blame him.
Plus Jan Adams hosted NBC's male version of The View. The bastard!
