There’s something truly amazing about being able to download games straight to a mobile device without having to blow into a cartridge, or wipe the back of a CD and wait hours for something to install, only to crash on the first playthrough.

“Unparalleled convenience” some might say. Of course we wouldn’t say that because that would be a compliment and compliments are only given once a year. You know this.

That said, mobile gaming is pretty nifty isn’t it? We can choose, download and realise a game is a dud before the initial crowning is over during Toilet Time. It’s as simple as a Kardashian, and almost as easy. Booyah! Unfortunately Superman is one of those games that you regret buying almost immediately after opening the app for the very first time.

“Become Superman and act like a self-congratulatory dickhead!” Reads the description in the App Store.

Although the idea behind the game is strikingly original; a 2D adventure flying around Metropolis putting out fires, throwing booby trapped cars into space and blasting asteroids out of the sky, unfortunately the common trap that mobile gaming falls into rears its ugly head once again.

“What’s that recurring problem?” We hear you shout before offering your ill-informed opinion on the latest Twitter outrage. Well the controls. No one has yet to perfect onscreen controls without them becoming a fiddly nightmare. Someone should realise that gamers don’t want to have a large proportion of the screen taken up by our dirty nails and bitten fingers. Who would want that? We all know that people with dirty nails are thought worse of than the letter “Oh, I’m a consonant, now I’m a vowel, I’m so flirty” Y.

It’s good having the option to zoom around Metropolis in your pants and a cape, but eventually you lose patience having to rearrange yourself time and time again because you’ve overshot the destination with the control stick, or supersped away from the speeding car by pressing the wrong button.

Although it is a wallet-friendly price, this doesn’t mask the fact that essentially it has the same failings as many other portable gaming titles. Give it a whirl if you want to, we don’t care, we have citizens to save!

Is it a bird, is it a plane? No, it’s HECKLER MAN!

Despite all the protestations of nerdy, no-life Superman superfans, it appears that Superman: Man Of Steel is going to follow the blueprint of the newest Batman films, just like we said they would. That’s because Hollywood is completely devoid of ideas.

Yup, Superman – the lamest superhero of them all despite abilities to the contrary – is going to go all mean and moody.

Zack Snyder’s reboot will see Clark Kent frowning a lot and trying to work out the purpose of his life, deciding whether to become Superman at all. Of course he should. He’s got x-ray vision, can fly and punch holes through your chest. He’s probably lousy in bed though. Anyway, we’ve got some photographs of Henry Cavill on-set looking… um… moody and homeless.

That’s right kiddiekins!

Superman is all worried and such, wondering whether he ought to become Superman at all, or whether he should be a boring, boring journalist with a drink problem, stinking of coffee and smoking too many Malboro Lights (that’s all writers, right?).

Look for yourself, with your superless eyeballs at Cavill on-set in Vancouver.

And no, it isn’t a case of Cavill not shaving, there’s a snap of one of the crew adjusting his beard. Okay?

Take a look at these and feel special or something. Photos via these berks.

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Superman. He’s a bit rubbish isn’t he? He can fly, shoot lasers out of his eyes, blow really really coldly and make the world spin in reverse. Yet, he’s one of the lamest superheroes ever who has pretty lousy taste in women.

This has meant the movie adaptations have left us all a little disappointed by virtue of the fact they were rather true to the original comics. Apart from the one with Richard Pryor in. That was ace. Especially the bit where the woman gets eaten by a computer and turns into the internet.

Anyway, there’s a new Superman due called Man Of Steel and the woman who is The Piece in it is called Amy Adams. You might know her from movies such as Enchanted, Catch Me If You Can, The Fighter and Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye. And we’ve got the first pictures of her on set.

Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot looks like it’s going to be all moody like the new Batman films, which is sure to grate hardcore Superman fans.

And they’ll no doubt find something to complain about here too, as we see Adams on set in Plano, Illinois (thanks to photographer Kimber Dolan).

These pictures don’t tell us much, but we are hoping that they made you click over the jump so we get the traffic stats up.

Henry Cavill, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon, and Laurence Fishburne also appear in the flick as it lands in cinemas June 2013, by which time everyone will already be tired of superhero films and we’ll all be going mad for robots and giant monsters or something.

Anyway, here are the pictures AND the new theme tune for Man Of Steel.

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Everyone is superhero mad at the moment, and the lamest of the bunch is coming back. That’s right! Supreme square, Superman is going to return to our screens with Henry Cavill landing the role.

That must be nice for him.

You may have been wondering what he’s going to look like in his super suit and, despite the fact we showed you what he’d look like ages ago, we’re going to show you a new picture! That’s right! You can look at a picture with your non-super eyes!

Warner Bros have now given everyone a nice image of the Man of Steel and gone is Cavill’s fashionably scruffy beard and in comes… well… one of those rubber suits that the movies love sticking superheroes in these days.

We miss the cruddy lycra get ups they used to have.

Laurence Fishburne will be joining the Christopher Nolan film as Perry White as well, but we don’t have a picture of him. Amy Adams, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner and Michael Shannon (as General Zod) will also be appearing.

It hits the silver screen in the Summer of 2013, by which time we’ll all be really bored of comic book adaptations.

Anyway, here’s Henry Cavill in his Superman guise (click it, and click it again to see it all big and that).

Not exactly the way we shared it first time around.

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2011 appears to be the year of the big budget comic book movie. When it comes to adaptations of graphic novels, we’re being spoiled rotten right now.

Marvel’s first avenger, Captain America has just hit cinemas worldwide, Green Lantern… well, it happened didn’t it… and we’ve been given 3 brand spanking new teaser trailers to salivate over.

New offerings from Batman, Spiderman and The Avengers may well be due soon, but one hero currently not donning his tightest pants in preparation to be thrust back into the spotlight like some weird pervert is Superman.

But fear not earthlings! It turns out there is some new Superman footage to get you all wheezy and out of breath. Well, it’s not actually new, it’s pretty old, but it hasn’t been seen before, so it’s like new.

A deleted scene from the last installment of the Superman movie franchise, the fantastically woeful Superman Returns, has been unearthed.

The $10million scene shows Supes flying in some sort of Dr. Manhattanesque giant crystal spaceship to his desolate home planet of Krypton, before crying like a little bitch and deciding it’s probably worth going back to Earth.

Visually the scene is fairly impressive, however at 6 minutes long with minimal action or sound it is incredibly tedious. The fact that this scene was so tedious that it was deleted from one of the most tedious movies in recent history should tell you all you need to know about it really.

There are a few things that puzzle us though. Why the hell is The Man of Steel flying a spaceship, he’s able to fly through space without any real problems, what makes this ship so special?

Also, wasn’t Krypton destroyed? It seems to be in fairly good nick when our hero arrives, admittedly it is barren and everyone is probably dead, but we’ll overlook that fact because it’s depressing and goes against our, ‘it seems to be in fairly good nick,’ theory that was outlined at the start of this paragraph.

Anyway, if you just couldn’t get enough of Superman Returns, then you have a problem and we here at hecklerspray suggest you get help, quickly.

For the rest of you, point your peepers at the video below to see how spending $10million on 6 minutes doesn’t always guarantee a good time.

Wowee! A man with a perfectly square head like Spongebob will be playing a baddie with a daft name in the new Superman film! You probably heard it elsewhere first, but not as sarcastically as this! You heard it here first!

That’s right folks! Some complete stranger called Michael Shannon is going to be playing the part of General Zod in the upcoming Superman re-boot Superman: Man Of Steel.

You may remember Zod as being that bloke with an awful stadium pop outfit and a dodgy greying beard in the ’80s Superman II movie. He’s the one who wandered around with his henchmen, going on like an amdram Shakespearean actor in plastic wellingtons.

Zac Snyder, who is making the flick, says:

“Zod is not only one of Superman’s most formidable enemies, but one of the most significant because he has insights into Superman that others don’t. Michael is a powerful actor who can project both the intelligence and the malice of the character, making him perfect for the role.”

But is he going to look ridiculous with a scraped back pony tail like Terence Stamp?

If you’re (understandably) not au fait with Zod, then basically, he’s an egomaniac who decides to come to Earth and cause as much havoc as possible. Not in a SMASH CLUNK POW way, rather, by talking with authority all the time and getting his henchfolk to do the fun stuff.

That said, Zod can fly, breathe ice, and is invulnerable like Superman, so basically, this new film could be a three hour long 3D punch-up between two really hard fuckers.

Of course, the new Superman is to be played by Henry Cavill (nope, us neither) who will have one eye on fancy piece Lois Lane, played by Amy Adams. Remarkably, Kevin Costner will make an appearance too.

Click here if you’d like to see the new Superman outfit that Cavill will be wearing in the film, which is an exclusive to hecklerspray.

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Have you heard of Amy Adams? No? She’s an actress. Or something. We assume so because she’s just be handed the role of Lois Lane in the latest Superman film. That’s for definite. The producers have confirmed it and everything.

Director Zack Snyder says that this three-time Oscar nominee (best foley artist? *shrug) has “the talent to capture all of the qualities we love about Lois: smart, tough, funny, warm, ambitious and, of course, beautiful”.

And raven haired! Wait! Uh. Looks like Snyder will have to buy a wig or some Garnier Nutrisse or whatever it is girls poison their hair with.

So, blockbusting Adams will star alongside Britain’s Henry Cavill (WHO HE?)  in the Superman film that doesn’t have a name yet.

In fact, all we know about this movie is that it will be released in December 2012, by which time, everyone may have stopped caring about comic book adaptations and be really into war films or something.

No-one actually cares though, right? The cinema is the most joyless experience in history. It’s more drudgery than washing pots.

Diane Lane and Kevin Costner have also landed roles in Snyder’s film, which will see Superman flying around and doing all manner of super stuff and, probably, it’ll have a darker edge to it because the blueprint for superhero films are the Batman ones.

Unless you like the new Green Hornet film, which means someone should drag you out of your bed in the dead of night and euthanise you with a bolt gun.

But Superman! Yay! Or whatever.

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Yesterday, we showed you our exclusive image of Tudors star Henry Cavill in his new Superman outfit (very CGI based it seems) and now, there’s a bit of gossip which will either set your heart on fire or make you sigh, wondering why and how the world got to be such a crashingly tedious place.

As you’ve no doubt guessed from the headline (we say ‘guessed’ – we actually mean ‘read and processed information’), the leading lady in Zack Snyder’s upcoming Superman rehash might be Twilight’s Kristen Stewart.

That’s right! The Man of Steel is going to fall in love with a charisma vacuum!

Kristen Stewart, despite having all the charm of a discarded pram wheel, is being linked to just about every job in Hollywood at the moment because studios are aware of the fact that, behind her hallow frame, is an army of devotees, willing to gobble up anything relating to her.

And so, she’s strongly rumoured to be starring as Snow White in some film that’s probably going to be vaguely creepy and half-lit, like Twilight.

However, she’s now being linked to the gig of Superman’s love interest, Lois Lane. And of course, we all know that Lois is a sassy, go-getting independent woman who is able to turn Superman into a gibbering wreck. Not, sadly for her, someone who can woo someone by simply standing still – silently – for long enough so they end up giving in and just hoping that she’ll say something.

Anything.

It seems that this new Superman flick is going to be a wankfest for teenagers, with the producers linking themselves with just about any young and available babe/hunk out there, hoping to cash in on all that lovely pocket money you teens have been hoarding from already wealthy film makers.

Anyway, it seems that, from here at least, that she’ll go for the Snow White gig instead of the Superman role, which is great news for anyone hoping for a decent Superman film before they die.

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No-one has really liked any of the actors who played Superman since Christopher Reeve died. And before Reeve died, everyone thought he was a bit rubbish as well. Still, no-one is as bad as Toby Maguire’s Spiderman. Those films made Condorman look like the greatest superhero romp ever made.

And so, joining the pantheon on Supermen like Ray Middleton, George Reeves, Dean Cain, Tom Welling and John Barrowman lookalike, Brandon Routh is star of The Tudors, Henry Cavill.

Who? He’s the next Man of Steel you idiot and we’ve got the first image of him in his Superman costume and, well, it is rather exciting that we’ve managed to get hold of such an image, leaked from presumably his audition for the role.

Henry Cavill is famous around Hollywood. Not because he’s very agile and willing to take unspeakable abuse on the casting couch… but rather, he was well known for being the unluckiest man in Hollywood. Cavill missed out on roles in the new Batman flicks and was nearly James Bond.

Even the tremendously ineffectual Brandon Routh beat him to gig of playing the superest of men in Superman Returns in 2006.

And so, Cavill plodding along as Henry VIII’s advisor, Charles Brandon, in The Tudors. That’s on television and isn’t very good if you haven’t seen it.

He completes a triple for British actors playing superfolk with Andrew Garfield playing the new Spiderman and Christian Bale pretending to be Batman. Of course, when Superheroes end up on-screen, their outfits need modernising and as you can see from our leaked picture below, the new outfit will me a CGI affair. Will it be some kind of symbiotic suit that emerges around Clark Kent’s body, rather than something he wears under his work trousers like a pervert secretly wearing stockings and garters?

Anyway, this new flick is being looked after by Christopher Nolan and David S Goyer who helped to revamp Batman into a dark, brooding tale, away from the hammy, campery of the previous outings.

Now, the suit. Just look at it. Streamlined, classic and Cavill is showing off the lazer eyes which made Superman such a force to be reckoned with.

You can thank us later.

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Zack Snyder, the bloke who directed 300 and gave cinemas a swaying CGI penis in Watchmen, is going to direct the new Superman movie. The film is due out next year and will be written by Christopher Nolan, the director of the Dark Knight movie.

That’s all rather exciting isn’t it? It’ll be nice to have a Superman film which isn’t all glossy and hokey. We’d like to see Superman going really, really dark and depressing.

It’s believed that Snyder landed the gig ahead of other people with names, notably, Darren Aronofsky, Ben Affleck, Matt Reeves and Tony Scott. If this new Superman film is anything Dark Knight, then we should be in for a treat.

Apparently, the script is similar to ‘Superman Returns’ with nods to Richard Donner’s Superman films which were released more than 30 years ago.

But who will be the villain of the piece?

Well, the new movie will feature General Zod, who was previously played by Terence Stamp in 1978 and 1980. General Zod is a really, really rubbish name though, isn’t it?

There’s no word on who will play Zod as yet, but it’s going to have be one charismatic swine if they’re going to pull it off. Hecklerspray puts forward Zachary Quinto who did a fine turn in the ultimately disappointing Heroes. He can do evil-bastard very well indeed and, importantly, can grow a decent beard.

Warner Brothers, who are bankrolling the movie, are keen to get this out quickly as there’s a chance they could lose certain copyrights to Joe Shuster and Jerry Seigel, the heirs of creators.

It’s been reported that they are still involved in a legal row, but details are scarce.

Snyder is looking forward to tackling the new Superman film:

“I had always been a huge fan of the character, but this is out of the blue,”

“I definitely expressed my love for the character and interest in seeing him treated right. The character deserves to be loved. It’s his time.”

“I think the first (Superman) movies were so well done, he kind of got stuck. I think our challenge is to bring him to a modern audience that’s still respectful of the character.”

300 was something of a surprise hit and Watchmen put a lot of bums on seats. Snyder has his work cut out with this one though. Despite grossing $200 million+, the last Superman film was something of a let-down.

And, of course, this being a comic-book adaptation, there’s going to be nerds out there going through each morsel of news with a fine tooth comb, agonising over each rumoured cast-call.

More news when we get it.

And swinging CGI penises. Mustn’t forget that.

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Superman Returns was rubbish, wasn’t it?

Not the really cool films with Christopher Reeve where he flew around the world backwards so fast he TURNED BACK TIME and that one where he went back into that diner where he got knocked-about by those rednecks when he had no powers and ABSOLUTELY BATTERED THEM but in a really gentlemanly manner and everyone in the cinema cheered and you were ten years old and it was brilliant.

Not those ones. The new one with that plastic man-child who hasn’t worked since (some TV stuff and Agent Jackson in that film no-one has seen) that might as well have been called Superman And His Problems and was essentially a really long episode of Party Of Five but with Superman in it and no Terence Stamp or Gene Hackman.

Let us count ourselves lucky. It emerged recently that Ashton Kutcher auditioned for the role. Ashton. Kutcher.

Ashton told MTV News:

“I wore the Superman suit. I did a screentest in the Superman suit.”

How bad would that have been?

This bad – Superman unleashes his new ‘power’ of being so relentlessly ‘on’ and anxious to appear worthy of attention and conversely massively unlikeable that Evil Villain becomes a bit depressed at the sight of it and really can’t be bothered with that ‘world domination’ idea anymore. Audience shrug and feel a bit sad.

Incidently, in the same interview Ashton Kutcher does his obligatory mention of how much he admires Bruce Willis and that he thinks he’s awesome and that. Because Ashton isn’t Superman but Bruce IS John McClane and could kick Ashton’s stupid puppy-dog face clean off the second he glances at him the wrong way.

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10 - Let’s end the week the way all weeks should be ended – with a horrific gallery of botched plastic surgery – Popcrunch

9 - You know what’d make Nicolas Cage‘s Wicker Man remake better? Beethoven – Collegehumor

8 – Rule number one about buying condoms: don’t buy them online. Rule number 2: don’t forget to pick up a copy of Halo 2 while you’re at it – Image

7 - Another day, another reason to wish we were Japanese - I Am Bored

6 – Jamie Oliver‘s had a baby. So, you know, woo - Popsugar

5 – Pizza delivery boys are mainly idiots. Here’s a list of why – RD

4 - Great! Apparently you can now pay prostitutes with fast food – Gunaxin

3 - A wonderful list of awful movie soundtrack videos - Afrojacks

2 – Well look here – fetish art by the man who created Superman – Drawn

1 – Relax, parents. You’re only comparatively awful…

Of all the Superman Returns criticism – about the the religious allegories and the stupid baby and, oh, everything – one fact got lost in the mix.

And that was that the Superman Returns Superman was a bit rubbish. As Superman, Brandon Routh had all the charisma of a mannequin with a polystyrene Christopher Reeve head. If anyone was ever silly enough to make a sequel to Superman Returns, then surely they’d do the decent thing and ditch Brandon Routh, right?

Wrong! According to DC Comics President Paul Levitz, Brandon Routh is definitely still on to make the Superman Returns sequel. Although it seems a bit of a wasted opportunity to bring back Brandon Routh, perhaps you can understand Levitz’s rationale once you’ve heard what the new Superman movie is going to be called – Superman Stands Around Unconvincingly. Genius.

2008 has, by and large, been a good year for superhero movies. Iron Man had vim and wit and swagger, The Dark Knight had complex, highbrow sensibilities and a man with a silly gruff voice and The Incredible Hulk had… um. Anyway, it’s a good year for superhero movies.

Unlike 2006. And that’s because 2006 was the year of Superman Returns. Superman Returns was hands down the worst Superman movie ever made and, given that the other Superman movies featured Superman splitting in half, an evil Superman being created out of some hair, a robot with wire for hair and a bearded baddie from another planet who had a face shaped like a shoebox, that’s really saying something.

The things that audiences wanted – like Superman throwing skyscrapers into the sun and eye-lasering petrol stations until they exploded – were completely missing from Superman Returns, and in their place was soppy girl-eyed mimsying, a sort of Superman version of Scrappy Doo and Kate titting Bosworth. Superman Returns was so terrible that, even though it was the sixth-biggest movie of the year, not even the producers seemed keen to make a sequel.

And then, not so long ago, we started to hear murmurs of a ‘reboot’. The Superman Returns writers were ditched, and it seemed as though people wanted to pretend that the movie never happened at all. And that meant getting rid of Brandon Routh.

Oh, you know. Brandon Routh. The chap who played Superman. Tall guy. Giant penis. Zero charisma. Like watching a particularly uninteresting bowl of dust. Oh, you know. Anyway, rumours from a couple of months ago seemed to suggest that Brandon Routh’s rubbish services were no longer required for this Superman reboot, but now we’re hearing differently.

Latino Review spoke to DC Comics President Paul Levitz, and he gave the impression that Brandon Routh is going to be Superman forever! Or at least until the next Superman movie when everyone realises that they didn’t actually like him all along and the movie flops horribly.

In fact, he told me that “Last week Brandon Routh has come around the offices in New York and Los Angeles as of late to talk about Superman and what we want to do”… Brandon? He did say Brandon Routh was coming around talking about Superman! Why the hell would they be talking to Brandon if he was not going to be part of the reboot? Because he’s still in the mix!!!

Actually, we’ve been a bit hard on Brandon Routh here. Maybe if the Superman Returns sequel has a better script and asks him to do more than sit in a tree staring forlornly at Kate titting Bosworth, he’ll be able to deliver more. Besides, if Brandon Routh ever got dropped as Superman, we all know exactly who’d be taking his place.

Shia LaBeouf. And nobody wants that to happen. Unless they’re weird.