Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
hecklerspray is massively gay. We’re so queer it hurts. Even the straight ‘spreezies are super ‘mo. You don’t care about that. You want to know whether Kelly Clarkson is a lesbian, for whatever nefarious reasons you have.
So is she?
Well, she doesn’t give the ‘bian ‘bian vibe to us. Not one bit. She couldn’t possibly smell of sex with another woman. Not that this has stopped people speculating that she is. And Kel’ wants to tell us all about it.
Hello. You’ve landed on the hecklerspray Super Bowl 2012 liveblog. Here, you’ll find a limey’s confused view on proceedings, complete with drunken ribaldry, American snack reviews, arrogance, a willful disregard for spelling and enough lame jokes to fill the average American’s cavernous gut. It’ll be great. Abuse and pedantry always welcome.
Remember when Janet Jackson invented the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the Super Bowl? That was good wasn’t it? In the old days, it was just called ‘flashing’ or ‘exposing yourself’, which is clearly what happened, but Janet’s people had to pretend it was an accident.
Well, people are a little nervous of a nipple being shown at the Super Bowl halftime show this year, mainly because no-one in their right mind wants to see Madonna’s rock-hard gym-sculpted banger on view, all sinew and veins.
And mercifully, she’s promised that this won’t be happening.
Super Bowl Sunday is nearly upon us, leaving 99.9% of the Great British public absolutely nonplussed. The remaining 1% is made entirely of 3 super fans and a host of the curious. Still, that shouldn’t stop us looking at it.
See, the Super Bowl is one of the most peculiar events on the planet. It’s probably the biggest sporting event that is honest enough to let-on that, basically, the game itself is the least important element of it.
And there’s so much else to pick at. The commercials are a big talking point, not to mention the halftime show (this year, featuring Madonna). One of the best things about American events is the need to sing the awful and saccharine National Anthem. With that, we are going to look at some of the worst renditions of the Star Spangled Banner, EVER.
You may think the Super Bowl is all about a sporting event, but you’re wrong. It’s all about television and, specifically, the adverts that litter the game. American Football is the perfect sport for the advertising exec.
Why?
Well, not only is America filled with vain, greedy sporting superstars who are willing to shill to the highest bidder, but American Football is also filled with stop/start action and, for every stop, there’s a chance for a television advert. To many, the commercials are the whole reason for tuning in. IMAGINE! Anyway, if you can’t be bother with all that sport cluttering up a perfectly good break, here’s the ten best Super Bowl big game commercials.
Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event.
Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of androids running at each other screaming. What’s not to like?
Anyway, the commercial about a commercial features a squad of dogs all in Star Wars garb and? together, they sing a very familiar tune. Click over the jump to watch it. And no, we’re not getting paid for this.
Hey! America! You know that song you have that goes “Oh say can you see? By the dawn’s early light! Da-da-dum, dee-dee-dee, the actor called Rocket Redglare’s arse glows!” or whatever it is? Well, once again, it will be sung at a major sporting event where you don’t compete against anyone else in the world!
And who might be fluffing the lyrics to it at Super Bowl XLVI?!
Why, it’s the regrettably nice Kelly Clarkson who is very, very difficult to hate – unless you listen to her music.
Well hello there, and good tidings! But let’s just cut the small-talk here before things get all chatty-chatty like what those baby lesbians do off Coronation Street. So, Janet Jackson’s awful. ?
Hear that, Great Britain? Here that, Janet Jackson’s official fan club underneath all the wild babble?
Oh, quiet down at the front?? JanFan47?! Cease and desist 1nPHATuation! (Amazing.) PIPE DOWN Janhova_Troll_Slayer! Not our words! No! We’d never flirt with?incessant?mockery and combine that with the Jackson family, what with all that pain and despair they’ve been harboring these past few years.
She might hate hydrangeas, but she sure loves people throwing stupidly shaped balls around! That’s right folks! Madonna is totally going to be the halftime distraction at the next Super Bowl, or Super Bowl XLVI if you can’t count in English.
The Material Girl (we’re forced to use that description by law) will clutter up the pitch with a giant stage on February 5th in Indianapolis, which of course, is famous for a stupid car race, being almost square shaped and having virtually zero sidewalks. Stupid Indianapolis.
But at least they’ll get a massive American Football match and Madonna, eh?
Did you see the Super Bowl yesterday? Oh boy, that sure was some game – the way that one team beat another team?
Amazing. And the Super Bowl half-time show, where half of The Who sang some songs in a fairly nondescript manner? Wowsers, talk about entertainment. And then there were the Super Bowl adverts, like the one for Dockers where nobody wore trousers, and the one where Toyota hilariously apologised for recalling five million cars because they were potentially lethal. Classic Super Bowl.
But the biggest Super Bowl moment probably came with the 15-second commercial for David Letterman‘s show. Why? Because it reunited Letterman with his arch-enemy Jay Leno, which is a big deal if you like that kind of thing.
