Hecklerspray only recently learned that Kerry Katona was actually born - we simply thought she'd congealed, popping up Master-And-Margarita style on the outskirts of some grim Northern town, swathed in chip fat and possessing the piercing dead eyes of a truly soulless abomination.

Nah. Turns out that she has a mum.

Warning: if you've just eaten, you may want to avoid reading this report for a short while. On the other hand, if you're bulimic - and need a horrific mental image to really spur on that gag reflex - please allow us to be of service. Ready? O-kay.