Articles tagged with: sue
Hugh Hefner, Reincarnation, Paedophilia, Zeus
It's got to be difficult being Hugh Hefner. A life surrounded by thousands of bouncy post-op women and actual vats of cash would be difficult for any man. On top of that he's got to keep crazy hours sneaking about at night with his secret elite paedophile organisation. They're always hiding under kids' beds and in their closets with sweaty fists tightly gripping inside-out underoos. And at his age - that's a lot of sleep he's skipping. It's probably untrue, to be quite honest. But one 'reincarnated' Greek goddess is suing him because she thinks it is.
It's got to be difficult being Hugh Hefner. A life surrounded by thousands of bouncy post-op women and actual vats of cash would be difficult for any man. On top of that he's got to keep crazy hours sneaking about at night with his secret elite paedophile organisation. They're always hiding under kids' beds and in their closets with sweaty fists tightly gripping inside-out underoos. And at his age - that's a lot of sleep he's skipping. It's probably untrue, to be quite honest. But one 'reincarnated' Greek goddess is suing him because she thinks it is.
Willy The Wizard Comes Down Hard On JK Rowling
The Adventures Of Willy The Wizard No 1: Livid Land is a wonderful book wherein the protagonist possibly vanquishes evil by rubbing it incessantly with his magical buttock. Since Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire basically has the exact same plot, sentence structure, verb-to-noun ratio and pie graphs, the heirs of the Willy Wizard estate have recognised it as unapologetic plagiarism. As such they are now suing JK Rowling either until she agrees to show them the exact location of Hogwarts, and to allow Willy Wizard a full seven-book scholarship there, or for 813 million dollars. We honestly don't remember which.
The Adventures Of Willy The Wizard No 1: Livid Land is a wonderful book wherein the protagonist possibly vanquishes evil by rubbing it incessantly with his magical buttock. Since Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire basically has the exact same plot, sentence structure, verb-to-noun ratio and pie graphs, the heirs of the Willy Wizard estate have recognised it as unapologetic plagiarism. As such they are now suing JK Rowling either until she agrees to show them the exact location of Hogwarts, and to allow Willy Wizard a full seven-book scholarship there, or for 813 million dollars. We honestly don't remember which.
Courtney Love Gets Lovingly Sued By Lovely Credit Card Company
At some point in time the American Express credit card company received an application with Courtney Love's name on it and decided that yes, they would like to entrust her with more than a quarter million dollars. Had they paid attention to the small print in their company policy where it clearly states 'it is ill-advised that any money ever be lent to people who poop out their mouth and call it a record,' then perhaps they could have avoided this lawsuit all together. Oh that's right - we said lawsuit. The credit card company claims Love refuses to pay back $352,059.67.
At some point in time the American Express credit card company received an application with Courtney Love's name on it and decided that yes, they would like to entrust her with more than a quarter million dollars. Had they paid attention to the small print in their company policy where it clearly states 'it is ill-advised that any money ever be lent to people who poop out their mouth and call it a record,' then perhaps they could have avoided this lawsuit all together. Oh that's right - we said lawsuit. The credit card company claims Love refuses to pay back $352,059.67.
Sharon Osbourne Legally Not As Awful As You Thought
You might not like Sharon Osbourne - specifically her stupid haircut, weird face and ridiculous Skeletor voice. And that's fine. But even Sharon Osbourne has her limits. Cross them and she'll sue your flipping bum off. That's what Sharon Osbourne did to The Sun after it claimed she was working Ozzy Osbourne 'to destruction' to keep her rich, and she's won a substantial payout from it. So whatever you do, don't say that Sharon Osbourne is trying to kill her husband with work. But feel free to laugh at her funny Skeletor voice. That's probably OK. If it isn't, we're screwed.
You might not like Sharon Osbourne - specifically her stupid haircut, weird face and ridiculous Skeletor voice. And that's fine. But even Sharon Osbourne has her limits. Cross them and she'll sue your flipping bum off. That's what Sharon Osbourne did to The Sun after it claimed she was working Ozzy Osbourne 'to destruction' to keep her rich, and she's won a substantial payout from it. So whatever you do, don't say that Sharon Osbourne is trying to kill her husband with work. But feel free to laugh at her funny Skeletor voice. That's probably OK. If it isn't, we're screwed.
Tom Cruise & Hitler’s Globe Virtually Embroiled In Strange Legal Action!
Hitler had a face that only a mother could love - a blind, drunk mother whose eyeballs were probably in the bottom of a reservoir somewhere filled with cataracts. As far as our top five list of attractive dictators goes, Hitler's not even on it. You know who is though? General Mao. Sure he was mean, but he had the jaw-line of a god. Adolf was ugly alright - but don't tell that to Eva Braun. She used to lick sugar off his greasy cheek bones (Germans think that's an exfoliator). Imagine how dumb she'd feel once she found out he was ugly. Hideous as he was, though, Hitler apparently had good taste in globes. And that, through a series of strange events, now has Tom Cruise hovering on the brink of a huge gaping lawsuit.
Hitler had a face that only a mother could love - a blind, drunk mother whose eyeballs were probably in the bottom of a reservoir somewhere filled with cataracts. As far as our top five list of attractive dictators goes, Hitler's not even on it. You know who is though? General Mao. Sure he was mean, but he had the jaw-line of a god. Adolf was ugly alright - but don't tell that to Eva Braun. She used to lick sugar off his greasy cheek bones (Germans think that's an exfoliator). Imagine how dumb she'd feel once she found out he was ugly. Hideous as he was, though, Hitler apparently had good taste in globes. And that, through a series of strange events, now has Tom Cruise hovering on the brink of a huge gaping lawsuit.
Did Coldplay Steal Their Dreary Tunes From Joe Satriani?
Imagine if you realised that a song you wrote sounded quite like Coldplay - you'd kill yourself out of shame, wouldn't you. Well, not if you're Joe Satriani. Joe's claiming that Coldplay ripped off chunks his song If I Could Fly in Viva La Vida, and he's suing the band for everything they've got - so essentially a U2 songbook, some tatty faux-Napoleonic jackets and a scrawny wife who always looks miserable. Why wasn't the comparison between the songs pointed out sooner? Because everyone knows that if you own a Coldplay album and a Joe Satriani album, you must be drowned like a witch, that's why.
Imagine if you realised that a song you wrote sounded quite like Coldplay - you'd kill yourself out of shame, wouldn't you. Well, not if you're Joe Satriani. Joe's claiming that Coldplay ripped off chunks his song If I Could Fly in Viva La Vida, and he's suing the band for everything they've got - so essentially a U2 songbook, some tatty faux-Napoleonic jackets and a scrawny wife who always looks miserable. Why wasn't the comparison between the songs pointed out sooner? Because everyone knows that if you own a Coldplay album and a Joe Satriani album, you must be drowned like a witch, that's why.
No, Honestly, David Duchovny Really Didn’t Shag The Tennis Lady
He might be a sex addict, but remember that David Duchovny has feelings - well, not on his penis, we're presuming that he wore all the nerve ending off that years ago. But, anyway, David Duchovny has feelings, and those feelings are easily hurt. For example, why do you think that David Duchovny hasn't directed a movie since 2004's House Of D? Because that movie was so hamfisted and borderline offensive that nobody dares let him behind a camera again? No, it's because the critical reaction hurt his feelings. Probably. Something else that hurts David Duchovny's feelings is when people say he's been having sex with people he hasn't been having sex with. So when The Daily Mail claimed that David Duchovny had a full-blown sexual affair with his tennis coach, his feelings were hurt immeasurably. You couldn't put a price on how hurt David Duchovny was. But if you had to, it'd be $1 million. And David wants that money now. Now. No, really. Now.
He might be a sex addict, but remember that David Duchovny has feelings - well, not on his penis, we're presuming that he wore all the nerve ending off that years ago. But, anyway, David Duchovny has feelings, and those feelings are easily hurt. For example, why do you think that David Duchovny hasn't directed a movie since 2004's House Of D? Because that movie was so hamfisted and borderline offensive that nobody dares let him behind a camera again? No, it's because the critical reaction hurt his feelings. Probably. Something else that hurts David Duchovny's feelings is when people say he's been having sex with people he hasn't been having sex with. So when The Daily Mail claimed that David Duchovny had a full-blown sexual affair with his tennis coach, his feelings were hurt immeasurably. You couldn't put a price on how hurt David Duchovny was. But if you had to, it'd be $1 million. And David wants that money now. Now. No, really. Now.
Tommy Lee Jones Gets All Lawsuity Over His Moviestar Wages
As his characters in The Fugitive, Men In Black and, um, Men In Black 2 have shown time and time again, Tommy Lee Jones is not a man to be messed with. So when the producers of No Country For Old Men started to muck around with Tommy Lee Jones' salary, it was always going to end up with one of two scenarios - either Tommy Lee Jones was going to chase them through the woods with a gang of fearsome US Marshalls until they're forced to jump off a waterfall, or he'd just sue them. So he sued them. Tommy Lee Jones has launched a lawsuit against the producers of No Country For Old Men because he says they paid him $10 million less than they said they would. $10 million is lot of money which, having seen No Country For Old Men, equates roughly to $5 million for every word that Tommy Lee Jones spoke in it, so no wonder he's narked off.
As his characters in The Fugitive, Men In Black and, um, Men In Black 2 have shown time and time again, Tommy Lee Jones is not a man to be messed with. So when the producers of No Country For Old Men started to muck around with Tommy Lee Jones' salary, it was always going to end up with one of two scenarios - either Tommy Lee Jones was going to chase them through the woods with a gang of fearsome US Marshalls until they're forced to jump off a waterfall, or he'd just sue them. So he sued them. Tommy Lee Jones has launched a lawsuit against the producers of No Country For Old Men because he says they paid him $10 million less than they said they would. $10 million is lot of money which, having seen No Country For Old Men, equates roughly to $5 million for every word that Tommy Lee Jones spoke in it, so no wonder he's narked off.
