Back in 2004, there was a video released of two WWE wrestlers going at it hammer and tongues. Seriously. Sadly for you weirdos, it wasn’t a ‘feature’ that starred Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair in a bath giving each other toe-jobs, but rather, a proper grotgramme that saw X-Pac and Chyna grunting at each other.

So what did we learn from the experience? Well, we discovered that X-Pac likes to wear incredibly tight trousers away from the ring and that Chyna has an ugly piercing in a delicate part of her anatomy. The pair also rut like pigs in swill.

The whole thing left a bad taste in the mouth, right? Well, not for Chyna. That’s because she’s making another porn film which X-Pac is graciously refusing to watch, saying: “It’s too hard remembering how devastated she was the first time around.”

Ho ho! Someone being devastated! Oh how we love personal trauma and the destructive behaviour that can sometimes result from it!

See, Chyna has a history of worrying behaviour. She’s had problems with substance abuse, battling drug and alcohol addiction. Oh! Not to mention mental illness. So if you’ve jacked off to that bongo vid, then you’ve become aroused by someone who is clinically insane. That makes you a special kind of weirdo. Well done you.

Still, either way, we couldn’t help but laugh when we read that story in the New York Post about the time she stripped naked in a nightclub and then jumped in a fish tank. Insanity or no insanity, that’s a riot!

But X-Pac, a man who promotes pantomime violence for a living isn’t so amused by it all. He says:

“It saddens me … but she obviously hasn’t progressed very far in life.”

“Chyna used to say how low she felt after the first sex tape was released … what does that say about where she’s at in life now?”

She’s in the vicinity of a group of well endowed men we would have thought, with her privates being dunked into a bucket of ice.

D’uh.

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One name that you wouldn't particularly expect to see on a rehab admission list is Eva Mendes.

That's because Eva Mendes has never crashed her car drunk, had public drug-addled razorblade fights with men about a prostitute or called anyone 'Sugartits' – all tell-tale signs of the rehab-bound.

But never mind that, because Eva Mendes has gone to rehab. And she's been there for several weeks. And she couldn't even be bothered to shave off all her hair in front of a swarm of paparazzi first. What a selfish bitch.

Eva Mendes, although recently named as one of the most desirable women in the world, likes to keep herself to herself. Well, apart from that film she was in where she kept sticking her fingers down her pants. That wasn't especially private of her. But generally, yes, Eva Mendes seemed like the retiring type.

We always assumed that this was because Eva Mendes was a sweet, shy girl who didn't care much for the trappings of fame. Turns out, though, that Eva Mendes was avoiding the limelight because she was off her shit on drugs all the time.

Probably. It's been reported that Eva Mendes – who, let's not forget, almost became a freaking nun – has been holed up in Utah's Cirque Lodge rehab facility for several weeks while she attempts to overcome what's believed to be a substance abuse problem. People reports:

Eva Mendes checked into Utah's Cirque Lodge and has been in the facility, which deals with substance-abuse problems, for several weeks. "Eva has been working hard for the past year and made a positive decision to take some much-needed time off to proactively attend to some personal issues that, while not critical, she felt deserved some outside professional support. Out of respect for Eva's privacy, we do not wish to discuss further details," her rep told PEOPLE Friday. 

Looking back it all seems so obvious – not only was Eva Mendes fairly convincing in her role as a drug-addict in We Own The Night, but she also agreed to star in Ghost Rider with Nicolas Cage, and only drug addicts or the legally brain-deficient would have done that.

Again, no word on what exact substance addiction Eva Mendes is actually in rehab for, but our main guess would either be fake tanning agent or Toilet Duck. In fact, there's something highly fishy about this Eva Mendes rehab story – having seen Hitch, 2 Fast 2 Furious and Will Smith's video for Miami, we're buggered if Eva Mendes even knows what substance is.

Worst of all, though, if Eva Mendes is in rehab then it means that PETA is being endorsed by a drug addict. We think that means it's OK to start beating up duckings again.

Read more:

Eva Mendes In Rehab - People