Pint Sized Canadian Pop Prince, Justin Bieber, really is the gift that just keeps on giving.
Fresh from “definitely” fathering a love child in a sweaty 30-second romp with a woman whose testimony is as reliable as that of Dr. Conrad Murray, Bieber has decided to, once again, showcase how empty the space between his ears is on national television.
Bieber’s lack of geographical knowledge was previously showcased on television in New Zealand, when he admitted, in a somewhat uncomfortable and borderline racist moment, that they don’t have the word German in America.
This weekend has been Baby Weekend, with a myriad of slebs all dropping sprogs. Matt Bellamy and Kate Hudson have had one, but no-one really cares about a Goldie Hawn’s daughter and a singer who looks like his whole face has been pinched in a vice every morning for the last two decades.
No, the big celebrity baby story of the weekend is David and Victoria Beckham’s little girl. She was cut out of the former Spice Girls’ stomach, to protect her tiny papercut of a front-bum from being stretched to snapping point, leaving her with one famous orifice.
And of course, they needed a name for this little bundle of potential let-down… and they’ve gone for Harper Seven.
Do you remember when Facebook had groups that you could join, before they introduced the concept of pages that you could, ‘like?’
Well, back when there were groups, a lot of people used to set up groups with titles such as, “If 1,000,000 people join this group my wife will let me name our first born child Spider Man.”
You’re probably not bothered about who the frig I am. In the age of internet neediness, I’ll tell you anyway. I’m Mof Gimmers and I’m looking after Hecklerspray for the week while normal Grande Fromage Mr Heritage is off swanning around the VD clinics of Europe like a depressed divorcee.
This, of course, is your opportunity to abuse me and the site and claim ‘It’s not as funny as it used to be’ over and over, until I self harm myself so badly that all I’m left with is diseased marrow. It’ll be fun.
Football: technically a funny old game. Made more so with ex-England football team manager Steve McClaren, in his new role at Dutch side FC Twente.
The man with a head that is home to a hair island and a face that wears a frighteningly creepy smile at all times has been spotted in the wild at his new job in the Netherlands, attempting to talk to the press.
Now, far be it from us to mock the man, but, well – we had enough ammo to go on before this, and now he’s just gone and set us up for life. He’ll never have to behave like a twit again, he’ll never have to do an awful job as England manager then blame it on everyone/thing else and he’ll never have to talk utter, utter tripe ever again.
Because this clip says everything about Steve McClaren you would ever want it to. The man is clearly deranged – there cannot be any other explanation for his decision to adopt such a stunning ‘Dutch’ accent. He actually sounds like your dad on holiday, trying to talk to a waiter who can only manage broken English.
Dane Cook is a talentless hack, unfunny to the nth degree and now, it would seem, is something of a preening twit about his image.
In hecklerspray‘s opinion, of course.
Aside from running around on stage, being both sickeningly popular and yet managing to remain devoid of any actual ‘comedy’ – a special achievement for a comedian, no doubt – Dane Cook is now complaining about the poster for his new movie, My Best Friend’s Girl, because on it he looks weird.
What the actual issue is, we’re not sure – he always looks weird to us.
We’re all for equality and making sure everyone is treated the same. Don’t believe us? Then ask Pablo, our Mexican cleaner.
Every day for his services for removing coffee stains and rancid mustard from our desks, he receives a shiny coin or a slice of pie. People who have previously called us ‘cruel heartless bastards’ need their heads looked at.
Sometimes however, it is best to keep people away from things that they aren’t good at. In rare cases such as Jade Goody and Paris Hilton, simple minded people have slipped through the cracks and appeared on TV. Granted they entertain us, we will begrudgingly admit, but so many better programmes could replace them.
When it comes to advertising vital items like car insurance, we tend to worry that this dumbing down may have gone a step too far. We get presented with a ‘simple’ man, trying to flog us car insurance.
Look at the pathetic sod; he doesn’t seem to know where he is or what he’s doing. He’d buy some grass cuttings from you with the belief they’ll grow into a magical beanstalk, he’s that retarded.
This begs the question: would you really buy something from him which probably offers both dinosaur insurance and asteroid cover?
Pint Sized Canadian Pop Prince, Justin Bieber, really is the gift that just keeps on giving.
Do you remember when Facebook had groups that you could join, before they introduced the concept of pages that you could, ‘like?’
Football: technically a funny old game. Made more so with ex-England football team manager Steve McClaren, in his new role at Dutch side FC Twente.
Dane Cook is a talentless hack, unfunny to the nth degree and now, it would seem, is something of a preening twit about his image.
