Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
And just when we thought Alex Reid?s career couldn't sink any lower? he announces that he's due to tour the country and strip off in front of hundreds of people night after night.
Fresh from getting engaged to, and talking about wanting babies with, fellow former Celebrity Big Brother alumna Chantelle Houghton, Alex has announced that he's due to star in the play, yes someone?s actually cast him in a play, Wildboyz.
And people say that theatre is too high-brow.
As a terrifying sex cyborg sent back from the future to destroy mankind, Megan Fox knows exactly how much self-abuse she’s responsible for.
But even though she’s easily caused enough teenage ejaculations to power a rocket trip to the moon, Megan Fox knows that her work is still not done. And that’s why Megan Fox has told GQ magazine that she once had a sizzling lesbian relationship with a female stripper from Russia called Nikita.
We can’t congratulate Megan Fox enough for telling us this. Honestly, with the world’s financial markets in meltdown and the worst recession for a century looming over us all, Megan Fox implying that she might have once rubbed her clodge against a stripper’s clodge has single-handedly resuscitated the ailing tissue industry. Megan, we salute you.
This year's American Idol had a multi-talented star in the making in David Hernandez – not only could he sing, but he could also jiggle his balls in your face for cash.
However, the American public didn't quite see it like that, which is why David Hernandez has been voted out of American Idol already.
Clearly the whole stripper scandal had an effect on David Hernandez's popularity, but his belief in the power of destiny means that he's not letting this disappointing result get him down. "Things happen for a reason," David said. Which is true – it just so happens that the reason in this case is that David Fernandez used to do grubby naked erotic dances for sleazy businessmen. Hey, this destiny thing is a breeze!
On the surface there might not seem to be a lot of difference between appearing on American Idol and waggling your naked penis in a homosexual's face for cash.
But that's where you're wrong, because… oh, actually, no. There really isn't a lot of difference between going on American Idol and the naked penis thing.
In fact, they're so similar that American Idol's head honcho has decided to allow David Hernandez – the American Idol contestant with a murky male stripper past – to stay on the show even though it's patently, patently wrong to do so. Surely American Idol contestants should start the slow depraved slide into humiliating public nudity after they've left the show, not before. Cosmic order like this should not be trifled with.
American Idol has now passed the fun 'laugh at the bad idiots' stage, which means that it's just a slow, power-ballad heavy chug to the final now.
Or it might not be, and it's all thanks to David Hernandez – an American Idol finalist who might very well have been a male stripper for three years.
A Phoenix strip club manager is telling everyone that David Hernandez used to get his nutsack out all the time for three years while working for him. It's a claim that could potentially damage American Idol's reputation, because the last time a male stripper got onto a Simon Cowell show it was Chico from X Factor. And if David Hernandez turns out to be anything like him, well God help us all.
It's been a vintage month for stomach-churning celebrity nudity, what with Lindsay Lohan's naked boobs and Gene Simmons' bare pecker.
But now, making a last-ditch attempt to claim the prize of February 2008's least-wanted nude body, comes a set of naked Diablo Cody pictures.
That's right, a collection of naked photographs of Oscar-winning Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody have hit the internet in a big way. And we haven't been this aroused by pictures of a writer since 1987's thankfully-forgotten Playgirl magazine centrefold spread featuring Sir Tom Stoppard, Ingmar Bergman and 46 litres of industrial-strength water-based personal lubricant.
