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Strictly Come Dancing

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Lisa Snowden & Rachel Stevens

by Stuart Heritage

This is our last set of Strictly Come Dancing recaps before Saturday’s show, and the thought of it alone is making us giddy. Or nauseous. We’ve lost the ability to tell.

You see, on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, the boys and the girls are going to be intermingled for the first time this series. It’s going to be too much to bear – Jodie Kidd one minute, that bloke of the Kenco adverts the next minute, the one out of S Club 7 the minute after and then the man from GMTV who looks like he’s been carved out of a single block of balsa wood the next. On Saturday, Strictly Come Dancing will literally become a show about dancing.

But before that, here’s the final Strictly Come Dancing recap from last Saturday’s show, for Lisa Snowdon and Rachel Stevens…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Cherie Lunghi

by Stuart Heritage

It’s time for day two of this week’s set of Strictly Come Dancing recaps, which means we can remain eerily fixated on the women.

But before we get to that, does anyone get freaked out by the way that Bruce Forsyth specifically welcomes children to each episode of Strictly Come Dancing? If you ask us, children shouldn’t be allowed to watch Strictly Come Dancing – what sort of an example does a show like that set to the youth of today? What if they decide that they want to be Jessie Wallace when they grow up? WHAT THEN, BRUCE?

So anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Cherie Lunghi…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Jessie Wallace Stumbles Off

by Stuart Heritage

Jessie Wallace has become the latest celebrity to be voted off Strictly Come Dancing because, well, because she was a bit poo.

Jessie Wallace’s Strictly Come Dancing Quickstep to Help was so toe-curlingly tryhard that it was less of a dance and more of a painful retelling of the third act of A Doll’s House. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she had a great big weepy tantrum about it afterwards that left her face looking like either an orange panda or an expressionist painting of a rotted tangerine.We can’t decide which.

But now Jessie Wallace is out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Christine Bleakley and Jodie Kidd…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Tom Chambers & Don Warrington

by Stuart Heritage

Ready for another dose of recaps from Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing? You’d better be, otherwise we’re going to have quite the falling out.

Now we’re in the middle of the week, it’s naturally time to look forward to next Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, when the girls have another crack at proving their worth to everyone? All-girl nights on Strictly Come Dancing are always a bittersweet affair – women tend to be better dancers, but they’re absolutely hopeless at stomping about like a rapist like the boys do – but we’re sure they’ll suck it in and do their best.

But before any of that, we have to finish up our look at the Strictly Come Dancing boys, so here’s our recap for Tom Chambers and Don Warrington…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: John Sergeant & Andrew Castle

by Stuart Heritage

Time for part two of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, and it’s a good one – it’s like a jumble sale of mid-life crises.

But before we get to that, we’d just like to point out Bruce Forsyth’s new Strictly Come Dancing catchphrase of “I am not doddery, doddery I am not.” Yes, it’s very clever and all Bruce, but it’d probably have a little bit more weight behind it if you didn’t constantly stare out into the distance with the confused look of someone who’s just been pushed out of a helicopter into a forest. You know, we’re just saying.

But back to the Strictly Come Dancing recap. Here’s what we thought about John Sergeant and Andrew Castle…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Gary Rhodes Plods Off

by Stuart Heritage

Gary Rhodes has waltzed off Strictly Come Dancing – well, OK, maybe not waltzed; frankly we’d be stunned if he had the coordination to walk in a straight line.

After a week spent bickering with his Strictly Come Dancing partner, Gary Rhodes was full of attack for Saturday’s jive to Lipstick Powder And Paint. And, to be fair, it was better than his first routine. Although, having said that, he could have pooed down his leg while screaming white supremacist slogans and it would still be better than his first routine.

Still, with Gary Rhodes gone, who’s going to win the show? Here’s the first installment of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Austin Healey and Mark Foster…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Cherie Lunghi

by Stuart Heritage

Just one more day to go until the episode of Strictly Come Dancing. Thank God, because we’re getting addicted to it.

Seriously, we’re Strictly Come Dancing junkies. Actual junkies. Like heroin junkies. When we don’t get any Strictly Come Dancing for a while we go all shivery and bald and Scottish. And we’ve damaged our bodies so much with our Strictly Come Dancing addiction that the only non-collapsed vein we have left to inject Strictly Come Dancing into is in our genitals. It’s not nice.

Anyway, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Cherie Lunghi’s dance last Saturday…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Rachel Stevens

by Stuart Heritage

Ready for some more recaps of Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing? You’ve come to the right place. We’re presuming you just answered ‘yes’ to that, by the way.

Of course, these recaps are just a warm-up for Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, when all the male celebrities get to take another turn at destroying their masculinity in a procession of frilly blouses and sparkly shoes while trying not to stare at their partner’s cleavage because they know their wife’s in the audience. Wholesome.

Anyway, cracking on with the Strictly Come Dancing recap, here’s what we made of Heather Small and Rachel Stevens…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Jodie Kidd

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve just realised – Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing With The Stars are both on at the same time this year.

And Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli are judges on both shows. That’s brilliant – they’ve got to spend about three months flying backwards and forwards to America every couple of days. You know what this means – by the end of Strictly Come Dancing they’ll both be living in a mindless, timezone-free, complimentary peanut-gorged state of catatonia. Maybe one of them will even go out on the stab. We should keep an eye on this.

Anyway, here’s the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Jodie Kidd…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Lisa Snowdon

by Stuart Heritage

How exciting was Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday? All those girls, doing dances. It was literally vaguely exciting.

Watching a new series of Strictly Come Dancing is like putting on an old pair of slippers – all the old favourites are there. Bruce Forsyth getting everyone’s name wrong, Bruce Forsyth copping a feel of Tess Daly’s boob in the opening dance, Bruce Forsyth looking like he only wanted to go down the shops and he doesn’t know why everyone’s staring at him and all the lights are making him confused. Yes, we’re pleased that Strictly Come Dancing is back.

But anyway, this isn’t about us. This is about Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing. So here’s our recap, for Lisa Snowdon…

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