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Strictly Come Dancing

Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Jodie Kidd & Lisa Snowdon

by Stuart Heritage

We’re now halfway through Strictly Come Dancing 2008, which seems slightly absurd.

Have we really been watching Strictly Come Dancing for seven weeks? It’s seemed like so much longer than that. But at least now we’re on the home stretch – the part where the judges start pleading with the public to ditch John Sergeant and Austin Healey wins and ends up fulfilling his life dream as a result – appearing on A Question Of Sport slightly more often than usual.

But until then, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps of Saturday’s show, for Jodie Kidd and Lisa Snowdon…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Andrew Castle Totters Off

by Stuart Heritage

Given that he danced like Frankenstein’s monster trampling bubblewrap, Andrew Castle was never going to get far on Strictly Come Dancing.

And yesterday he went. Despite an injury, Andrew Castle unsuccessfully decided to draw attention away from his dicky knee by waggling his shoulders around like an electrocution victim and sort of thrusting his arms about like he was trying to fight off an army of invisible rapists. Not even Andrew Castle’s dance partner rubbing her fanny up and down his bad knee could save him, and that’s really saying something.

So, with Andrew Castle gone, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps this week, for Austin Healey and Heather Small…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Sergeant, Stevens, Kidd

by Stuart Heritage

Here we are, the last of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps for the week. Exciting, huh?

Not as exciting as this Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, because this week each of the celebrities will be doing a different dance. Lisa Snowdon’s going to do a Tango, Christine Bleakley’s going to do an American Smooth and rumour has it that Andrew Castle’s going to do an epileptic fit. Seriously, watch it on Saturday and you’ll see.

But now, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for John Sergeant, Rachel Stevens and Jodie Kidd…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Heather Small & Tom Chambers

by Stuart Heritage

It’s time for out third Strictly Come Dancing recap of the week. Don’t say we never give you anything.

But before we get to that, cast your mind back a few weeks to when we pointed out that shuttling backwards and forwards between the UK and America might end up doing Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman in? We think we saw the fist signs of that on Saturday – Len was preposterously grumpy during the entire show. And we’re not even halfway through yet – he’ll do someone in with an axe by Christmas, mark our words.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Heather Small and Tom Chambers…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Christine, Austin, Cherie

by Stuart Heritage

Time for another batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps, although frankly our heart isn’t in it now that Mark Foster’s gone.

Now that Mark’s no longer part of Strictly Come Dancing, who else is going to take their top off without any prompting? Nobody, that’s who. And believe us, we’ve tried to convince the other Strictly Come Dancing contestants to do it, but they won’t. Well, not all of them. John Sergeant. John Sergeant won’t take his top off for us.

Anyway, here’s our Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley, Austin Healey and Cherie Lunghi…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Mark Foster Clomps Out

by Stuart Heritage

Let’s not pretend that this is anything other than completely inevitable – Mark Foster has been eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing.

Not for lack of trying – he even toned down his outfit to just a semi-transparent blouse that gave him a cleavage like an old prostitute down the bingo. Given Mark’s tendency to grimace and flail like a rapist at any opportunity, his Paso Doble to Since U Been Gone should have been amazing. But it wasn’t, and he pulled in his worst score of the entire series for it. And this is Mark Foster we’re taking about – we figured the only way he could actually get any worse was to fart in Tess Daly’s mouth during a Coup de Pique.

But anyway, with Mark Foster out, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Lisa Snowdon and Andrew Castle…

Let's not pretend that this is anything other than completely inevitable - Mark Foster has been eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing. Not for lack of trying - he even toned down his outfit to just a semi-transparent blouse that gave him a cleavage like an old prostitute down the bingo. Given Mark's tendency to grimace and flail like a rapist at any opportunity, his Paso Doble to Since U Been Gone should have been amazing. But it wasn't, and he pulled in his worst score of the entire series for it. And this is Mark Foster we're taking about - we figured the only way he could actually get any worse was to fart in Tess Daly's mouth during a Coup de Pique. But anyway, with Mark Foster out, who'll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here's the first part of our Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Lisa Snowdon and Andrew Castle...
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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: John Sergeant & Tom Chambers

by Stuart Heritage

This is always a bittersweet time of the week for us – it’s the last of our Strictly Come Dancing recaps for the week.

Why is it such a bittersweet time for us? Simple – it’s because we know that on Saturday, although we’ll get to watch several more wonderful Strictly Come Dancing routines, we’ll also have to say goodbye to one of the dancers. And that’s what really hurts. Because, really, just one? Can’t you get rid of all of them so we can get our weekends back?

Anyway, here are the final Strictly Come Dancing recaps of the week, for John Sergeant and Tom Chambers…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Andrew Castle, Christine Bleakley, Jodie Kidd

by Stuart Heritage

How great it is that the male and female celebrities can now all dance during the same episode of Strictly Come Dancing.

It’s wonderful. Not only does it mean that we get to form a clear picture of what the all the dancers are like in comparison with one another, but it also means that we don’t have to put up with any more Strictly Come Dancing group dances. Because, honestly, we’ve seen more coordination in a washing machine full of hamsters.

Anyway, here are the Strictly Come Dancing recaps for Andrew Castle, Christine Bleakley and Jodie Kidd…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Cherie Lunghi, Mark Foster, Austin Healey

by Stuart Heritage

As Little Foreign Judge said on Strictly Come Dancing on Saturday, now that the women and men are dancing together, it’s like qualification is over and it’s time for the Grand Prix.

Brilliant, we’ve always enjoyed thinking of Strictly Come Dancing as a Grand Prix – overlong, boring, probably quite expensive and with a rich old man controlling everything. And terrible for the environment. And it monopolises our Sundays, usually against our wishes. Perfect. Gold star for Little Foreign Judge.

But who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s part two of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing recap, for Cherie Lunghi, Mark Foster and Austin Healey…

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Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Don Warrington Waddles Off

by Stuart Heritage

Last night Don Warrington became what we’re assuming to be the millionth contestant to leave Strictly Come Dancing this year.

We know why, of course. Don’s secret weapon in Strictly Come Dancing was his face – he only danced well when he was pulling an expression like a naked midget with excessive bodyhair was trying to jab a poo-covered stick up one of his nostrils. But since he was dancing an American Smooth to Can’t Smile Without You on Saturday, Don had to trade in his repulsed glower for something a bit more civilised. And that’s where it all fell apart.

So with Don Warrington out of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of our Strictly Come Dancing recap for the week, for Rachel Stevens, Lisa Snowdon and Heather Small…

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