Imagine being Annie Lennox. Just think of that for a moment. Gah. It’s rubbish isn’t it? Just think, looking at Annie Lennox’s face in the mirror. Imagine hearing that voice coming out every time you spoke.

Imagine people saying “Hello Annie Lennox” at you. It’s enough to make you want to die.

Annie Lennox has noticed this too, opening up about her battle with panic attacks thanks to being Annie Lennox. However, she’s decided to share some tips with us all about getting over stress, panic and anxiety. You’ll notice that her life is a lot less Dave Stewart based these days, so we suspect the main tip would be “don’t ever work with Dave Stewart – have you heard that terrible cod-reggae album he’s made with Mick Jagger and Joss Stone?”

Appazzently, the former Eurythmics singer suffered from anxiety issues for years and admitted in some self-serving blog that she always felt “excruciating stage fright” before her shows. This anxiousness was very much in-line with anyone who bought tickets to see her perform too.

So what is this marvellous piece of stress-relieving wisdom?

In a blog post, entitled Beating Stress under Duress, she writes:

“I used to suffer quite badly from the fear of flying, but I seem to have managed to overcome this over the last few years. I practice a fairly simple technique. It’s called ‘F… It.’ And I invented it all by myself.”

Get that? Annie Lennox invented the notion of shrugging.

“Every time I went on stage to perform, I’d get excruciating stage fright. I’d have a knot in my stomach just thinking about it, particularly during the small hours of the night before. I don’t buy into the notion that it’s good to be nervous before you go on stage. It’s not good. It’s rubbish! For me, it’s essential to be relaxed.

“Fear creates tremendous blocks. We carry it around subliminally most of the time… so I just tell myself… ‘F… it’… and it seems to work a treat!”

Brilliant, just brilliant. Go and die already you bloated shitehawk. Should we feel guilty for saying that? Two words – FUCK IT.

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Meat Loaf has been through a lot in his time – injury, drug addiction, attempted suicide, crooked manager, lawsuits, disease, bankruptcy – but in the end it looks as if it's Newcastle that's done Meat Loaf in.

It's been reported that Meat Loaf has quit music forever, and this is something he apparently decided mid-show in Newcastle on Wednesday night. Mid-song, in fact – as the opening bars to Paradise By The Dashboard Light kicked in, Meat Loaf suddenly decided that he couldn't be bothered to sing for a living any more and trudged offstage. Sure, Meat Loaf's apparent breakdown might sound a little worrying, but if he really has quit music then maybe he can start to concentrate on acting again – and who doesn't want to see more films about man-titted Meat Loaf punching people in a cellar?

Everyone, if they're honest, has asked themselves "why am I doing this?" at one point or another, whether it's about work, a relationship or three seconds after you've just paid for cinema tickets to see Rendition. But Meat Loaf is a larger than life chap, so when he questions his future, he is sure to do it in front of 11,000 confused Geordies who just want to hear Meat Loaf belt out Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are or any other of his identikit blustery songs without spazzing out in the middle bit.

Sadly, though, Meat Loaf couldn't meet those obligations on Wednesday night. Perhaps it was the breathtaking natural beauty of local attraction Jesmond Dene, or the knowledge that he was just a short distance away from the UK's first biotechnology village, or just the fact he was singing ridiculously overblown power-ballad after ridiculously overblown power-ballad to 11,000 powerfully drunk northerners and their nearly-nude Spuggie-alike girlfriends – but something caused Meat Loaf to lose control of his senses.

According to witnesses, Meat Loaf, who had been struggling to hit notes and launching into rambling emotional, if irrelevant, stories between songs, suddenly told the crowd that he would never perform another concert in his life during the opening bars of Paradise By The Dashboard Lights, and then walked offstage into the arms of some St John's Ambulance workers. Or, as Meat Loaf audience member Phil Cammish told The Times:

“[Meat Loaf] started saying ‘This is my last ever gig, this is my last ever song. Thanks for 30 years, I can’t do this anymore’… I saw a man dressed up as Meat Loaf weeping on the steps. Everyone during the gig was commenting that they thought he was plastered. He kept having emotional talks during the gig and telling stories about his children and slurring his words. He was saying things that had nothing to do with the gig. His backing singers had to carry him through most of the songs. He couldn’t finish some of his hits.”

But is this really the end of Meat Loaf's musical career? At the moment nobody knows – Meat Loaf is scheduled to perform at the NEC Arena tonight, but there's still no word about whether the show is still going ahead. Although if Newcastle was too depressing for Meat Loaf we wouldn't hold much hope of seeing him turn up in Birmingham any time soon.

But let's look on the bright side of things here. Although we hope that Meat Loaf is OK, it's heartening to see that a career of frightening egotism, disproportionately bombastic soft-rock anthems and adoration from denim-wearing older ladies with giant permed hair and a fondness for professional wrestling will only end in an embarrassing onstage breakdown.

Because, you know, we've got Rhydian from X Factor earmarked for one of these babies before the year is out.