And Angelina Jolie was a busy woman to begin with anyway – deliberately enraging Jennifer Aniston can be a full-time job, you know – so rather than keep juggling everything until she keeled over exhausted, Angelina Jolie has chosen to make a few sacrifices.

In short, Angelina Jolie has decided to stop breastfeeding her two new twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline because giving milk to two babies at once is apparently incredibly hard. We should point out that Angelina Jolie isn’t a bad mother for not breastfeeding her kids – in fact, we think they’ll grow up just fine on their new diet of Mountain Dew and uncooked beef cartilage. It certainly never did us any harm.

No wonder Angelina Jolie looks so drawn and tired these days – it seems like if she wants anything done right she has to do it herself. Like furthering the Jolie-Pitt brand, for example. This week Angelina Jolie had chosen to have a break and let Brad Pitt go on TV to stoke up some deliberately controversial headlines about them, and what’s the best he could come up with?

That one of his daughters likes to be called John. That’s rubbish. Angelina Jolie goes out, busting a gut by threatening to quit acting or talking about her infant son’s knife fetish, and that’s all you can think of? Really Brad, would it kill you to admit that you never loved Jennifer Aniston? Huh? Or make up a story about how Pax Thien likes to blow up cows with a bazooka? Huh? These headlines won’t write themselves, you know.

So Angelina Jolie has decided to take things back into her own hands by telling the world that, after three months of trying, she can’t be arsed to breastfeed her newborn baby twins any more. According to the San Francisco Chronicle:

The actress admits she had to stop feeding newborns Knox and Vivienne after three months because she was exhausted. Jolie told GMTV, “It was about as much as I could do. There’s this football hold — it’s a lot harder than it looks in the books. I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time.”

Look, Angelina, it’s OK. Nobody thinks you’re a bad mother for not breastfeeding your children. Just admit that the whole football hold thing was a lie and that you stopped breastfeeding out of spite because neither Knox Leon or Vivienne Marcheline made the 10 Hottest Tots list yesterday and we’ll forgive you.

It’s not Angelina Jolie’s fault that breastfeeding became too hard for her – she’s got so many children that she’d need to be caged up and fed a continuous diet of grass like a industrially-farmed cow to produce enough milk to feed them all, and if she did that then she’d never have the time to make films like Wanted or Changeling. Which, actually, we’d be alright with.

Besides, if Angelina Jolie had breastfed the twins in front of her adopted kids, it would have only angered and confused them. And the last thing that anybody wants is to wake up in the middle of the night to find a six-year-old Cambodian kid biting on one of your tits, right?

And anyway, it’s not as if Angelina Jolie didn’t give breastfeeding a go. We’ve all seen the magazine cover of Angelina Jolie breastfeeding her twins, haven’t we? And thanks to that cover Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline will now get to grow up getting all the humiliation of being publicly breastfed, but without having to consume any of those boring old nutrients. Everyone’s happy.

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