Articles tagged with: stolen
Just because David Beckham earns about £400 billion every second, it doesn't mean you can go around pinching his things. That's the sorry lesson learnt by Eric and June Emmett, two of the human beings that David and Victoria Beckham employ as house slaves. According to reports, the Emmetts have been taken into custody for allegedly half-inching property belonging to the Beckhams and selling it on eBay. It just goes to show that when you're as famous as the Beckhams are, you can't trust anyone - not even your own staff. It's not so much the fact that the Emmetts allegedly stole football shirts and designer dresses that upset the Beckhams but, now that the household copy of The Little Red Hen Goes To Town has been swiped, David's reading ability is bound to be set back weeks, if not months.
We don't know who to feel more sorry for - Jamie Lynn Spears or the man who seems to think that a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding is sexy. Because, apparently, somebody actually thinks that. There's currently a huge investigation going on in America after a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding with a boob exposed was apparently copied several times with the intention to post them onto the internet or sell them for profit. And since Jamie Lynn Spears is under the age of 18, the thief could technically be hauled up on a pornography charge. We think we should probably point out at this juncture that the allegedly stolen photo is of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding her baby, and not of Jamie Lynn Spears being breastfed by her own mother. We know that Jamie Lynn Spears is only young, but that's no excuse for weirdness.
There are three medical levels of depression - level one is where you listen to Joy Division, level two is where you emotionally identify with Joy Division and level three...
Level three comes when you get so weirdly enamoured with Joy Division that you suddenly decide that you have to own the gravestone of someone who was actually in Joy Division. Which someone did earlier this week.
Police are on the lookout for the thief who stole the gravestone of singer Ian Curtis from a cemetery in Cheshire on Monday night. Nobody knows exactly why anyone bothered to go to the effort of nicking Ian Curtis' gravestone, but police believe it's either the work of an obsessive Joy Division fan who wanted to be closer to his hero, or someone who needed to prop a window open or something. It has been quite hot lately, after all.
When we found out that Kurt Cobain’s remains had been nicked, we immediately jumped to one conclusion - that his husky ex-wife Courtney Love had to be involved.
Surely you can imagine her grave robbing at 3am whilst the rain lashes down? With a cigarette firmly shoved in her cakehole, she’ll scream to any passing squirrels “he’s mine all mine, they blamed me for his death. But they're wrong! I’ll take him back where he belongsâ€. You can’t? Oh, shame on you.
We can, and yet our theory of Courtney Love scurrying off in the dead of the night to stuff and mount her dead husband was quickly shit on. It turns out that during a robbery in her LA home, the ashes of grunge’s only credible frontman were nicked. And some clothes and jewellery, lets not forget the small details. Maybe it was Dave Grohl being bonkers as usual and wanting to impersonate her. Drummers, mental aren’t they?
Kurt Cobain has the easiest job in the world. All he has to do is blow around on a puff of cloud while looking like cremated-people ash, and he's still making a financial killing. A financial killing is actually a delightful change of pace when you consider what he killed last time. Anybody?
Anybody?
To be true, it's actually Kurt's social security number that's making all the money right now - because somebody apparently stole it. And they've compiled quite a list of acquisitions with the number too - two copies of Celebrity Skin, a Red Box rental for Man On The Moon, lots rehab lunches... the list really does go on.
Or maybe Courtney Love had nothing to do with the theft of Cobain's Social. Perhaps our sources are getting crossed.
Robin Hood, Ned Kelly, Ronnie Biggs, Dick Turpin, Bonnie and Clyde - arch troublemaker Britney Spears has made sure that your boys took one hell of a beating.
Britney Spears is hot water with the owner of California petrol station after she appeared to indulge in a little bit of casual shoplifting on Friday. Her crime? Taking a blue plastic $1.39 lighter without paying for it. And Britney Spears has even admitted the crime, telling the obligatory gang of following photographers "I stole something. Oh, I'm bad!" But don't think this is the first time that Britney Spears has broken the law - she already has a very serious criminal record. It's called I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman. I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman! Thank you, thank you, we're here all week. Don't forget to try the veal.
