Articles tagged with: Steven Spielberg
Did you know that if you randomly chose a group of 1,000 people, none of them would care about the new Tintin movie? True story. But that's only because Tintin had no stars attached to it - it existed only as an idea. An idea about a ginger Belgian boy who's a little bit racist. And that's the worst idea of all. But now Tintin has stars attached, and one of them is Daniel Craig. But stars like Daniel Craig come with demands - and if Tintin will fit with the rest of his canon, Craig wants it renamed A Nanoparticle Of Despondency.
If you've ever wanted to see Will Smith cut out his tongue for doing something unspeakable to a member of his own family, it's your lucky day. And that's because, as part of Hollywood's ongoing quest to take every movie that you've ever enjoyed and smear a big layer of stupid right across it, it's thought that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are all set to team up on a remake of the Korean revenge drama Old Boy. Nobody knows for sure why Steven Spielberg and Will Smith want to take something as stylish and critically acclaimed as Old Boy and ruin it with a needless remake, but the word on the street is that it's down to how many things rhyme with Old Boy - like 'Mould Toy', 'Cold Ploy' and 'Bold Joy'. That way it's much easier for Will Smith to rap about it when he comes to record the new Old Boy theme-tune, you see.
Steven Spielberg loves his causes. The International Industry Foundation, Starlight, Beards For Babies, Tennis For Tortoises - the list goes on. And Steven Spielberg has a lot to thank the gay community for - it's a scientific fact that the only people who've actually paid to see a Steven Spielberg film in the last five years are gay, whether they'll admit it to themselves or not. So it goes without saying that Steven Spielberg was only too happy to financially support the fight against Proposition 8, the amendment to California law that will ban the recently unbanned act of gay marriage. Spielberg has donated $100,000 to the cause. If it succeeds, every gay couple in California will be lining up to thank Steven Spielberg for his time and support. And if he fails, at least he'll be able to say he tried. Either way - cocktails!
We didn't moan when the credit crunch meant that our house got repossessed or that we had to give up food, but we never thought Tintin would be taken from us. Sadly, it looks like it has. Despite being masterminded by Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson - the directors of some of the best loved and wildly overlong films about robot children and big monkeys ever made - it's been reported that the proposed 3D animated Tintin movie has been passed over by Universal for being too expensive. We genuinely didn't see this coming - we knew the global economy was fragile at the moment, but so fragile that the world will be deprived of a movie based on the racially dubious adventures a marginally popular ginger Belgian journalist made using prohibitively costly pioneering technology? We're in worse trouble than we thought.
George Lucas has come up yet with another plan to convince you to hand over your hard earned money to him. After he made millions with Indiana Jones 1, he sat down for a while, thought about what to do next and came up with Indiana Jones 2. It worked. But what next? He sat down for a while, thought about what to do next and came up with Indiana Jones 3. Incredible. How was he to beat that? It wasn't easy. For twenty years he brooded, furrowing his brow and scratching his little beard, and finally his eureka moment came: Indiana Jones 4. But, people asked, what about the fact that Indiana Jones will be far too old? Don't worry, said George, if we make jokey references to it throughout the film no one will care. Wow, he's good. What next? George says 'how about Indiana Jones...5, with Shia Labeouf as the lead?' Time to retire George.
'One World One Dream' is China's slogan for the 2008 Olympics which, on the face of it, makes their government seem no more harmful than Bono.
And if Bono rang you up and said he wanted you to be artistic advisor for one of his gigs promoting this ‘One World One Dream’ ideal and he’d pay you a lot of money for it, so much so that the shame of working with U2 was totally rescinded, you’d no doubt quickly jump on board and put on one hell of a 3D laser-fest.
Let's say you're a movie studio and the insanely profitable series of books you've been adapting for six years is coming to an end - how do you keep the money flowing?
Simple - you start charging people twice to see one story. If reports are to be believed then Warner Bros is keen on chopping the Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows movie into two separate films, possibly with Steven Spielberg directing.
Halving the last Harry Potter would make sense, because one film could focus on the battle with Voldemort and the other could deal with the part where - spoiler alert - Harry Potter jets to Venus to fight the space piranhas.
It's time to start the pre-Oscars awards hype, and not a moment too soon - we've only just regained our breath after, um, you know, that bloke won that award for that film he was in; you know, the one with the men in it.
OK, we'll admit, the thought of awards season fills us with the kind of gut-knotting horror usually only reserved for directly after hearing the line "and now, ladies and gentlemen, Lee Ryan!" But trying to stop Hollywood's movie industry hyping its awards season blind months in advance of any actual awards being handed out is an impossible task, which is why we're just going to roll over and say that at next year's Golden Globes, the Cecil B. DeMille outstanding contribution award will go to Steven Spielberg, a new up-and-coming arthouse director yet to have his first big hit.
