HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

iPad 3 Imminent; Missing A Home Button Like A Big Wimp?

February 29th, 2012 By Robin Darke

Amazing isn't it? How a company can get people so worked up about a product which probably won't be that much different from what came before, but still make it seem that this is the best thing to be clad in plastic and metal since the original Terminator.

It's an astonishing thing to see Apple stores on launch days because between sweaty adults clamouring over an overly priced object like it was the last loaf of bread in 1920s Germany, there is the bitter taste of getting yourself in what feels like an exclusive club of Apple product users, even though they now rank into the millions.

So expect fervent panic and, frankly, rude pushing on March 16th when the iPad 3 is rumoured to be released. In typical Apple behaviour, there's nothing concrete to go on but hundreds of Apple rumours sites that seem sure that what they’re writing about is entirely correct and should not be doubted even though they are sure the back of the new iPhone will be made from unicorn hide.

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Apple: Hating Those Other Pauper Devices

August 7th, 2012 By Matthew Laidlow

Thanks to the rise of telecommunications, the humble apple and blackberry are no longer seen as delicious pieces of fruit. ?Apple? in particular isn't seen as something to make cider with, but as a massive technology company.

Steve Jobs was the bloke who modified the clunky Apple desktop computers that were once seen as inferior to Microsoft?s PC?s and transformed them into sleek and sexy devices. They?re so trendy that anyone seen in a Starbucks without a white coloured laptop will be scorned at; all whilst their double filtered extra frothy latt? with polar bear milk gets sabotaged.

So what have Apple done exactly? They?ve made the MP3 market their own with the iPod took the geekiness out of computing. Now, they're tackling the tablet market and have already launched various iPads. But Apple products are expensive right? Course they are, but that shouldn?t matter according to Apple?s Tim Cook. He says that cheaper tablets ruin it for everyone.

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Chinese Pirates To Bring Steve Jobs Back From The Dead

January 4th, 2012 By Kris Silver

Guess what tech fans! Those Chinese tinkerers have made another copy of an Apple trademark that's bound to cause a stir, if not entirely offend fanboys and turtle neck wearers everywhere.

Having already found success with the SciPhone and a full sized replica Apple store, those crown princes of piracy, the Chinese, have now created THE ULTIMATE ACTION FIGURE, in the form of Apple founder Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs. ACTION figure. ACTION? Steve Jobs?

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Steve Jobs: Mocking The Handicapped, Then Dying

October 28th, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

When Steve Jobs died (most likely as a direct result of the shoddy piece of iCrap that his company launched just 24 hours earlier), tearful simpletons across the globe gathered around his grave to pay homage to the genius who Changed The World?, one recycled idea at a time.

When the prophesied iJobs resurrection failed to materialise three days later, a handful of maverick thinkers finally dared to suggest that maybe Stevie J wasn’t Jesus incarnate after all, and perhaps all the gushing, glassy-eyed dogma spewing across the Internet might have been a teensy, weensy bit overblown.

Various stories began to bubble to the surface about Jobs being generally a bit of a git-about-town, and the leaked preview of a suspiciously well-timed “definitive biography” revealed he was in fact a dirty, smelly, LSD-addled hippy with a bitter, venomous hatred towards anything that looked remotely like fair competition in the marketplace. And that’s not even mentioning his various attempts to abandon his first daughter.

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The Real Actors Who Should Play Steve Jobs In A Biopic

October 11th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Apple geeks around the world were united in grief last week when Apple announced that Steve Jobs had suffered a fatal 404 error and couldn’t be restarted. Whilst a replacement for Steve Jobs had already been secured so Apple can dominate the market with sleek and flashy products that’ll require a replacement six months later, we don’t care about that.

It’s all about tie-in movie deals that are coming soon thanks to Sony snapping up the rights.

Total Film published a list of actors who they thought could play the billionaire tech lord throughout his reign at the helm of Appple. After Justin Timberlake successfully played Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and won countless awards due to his uncanny resemblance to everyone’s favorite social network poster boy, we figured we’d think about those who should really play Jobsy.

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Creased Or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You The Way It Is.

August 7th, 2012 By Michael Park

Suited or Booted?

Folded

  • R.I.P. Steve Jobs – There’s nothing wrong with being snarky but let’s remember this sort of thing.
  • US Network Drama – Or rather, why it’s rubbish.
  • Movie Posters – If they told the truth, this is probably what they’d say.
  • When Bad Films Happen To Good Actors – There’s not a lot of arguing with Shortlist’s exhaustive list.
  • Kismot Killer Curry – A curry that hospitalises the people who eat it? Where do we sign up?

Creased

  • Celebrity Reporters Are Like Political Correspondents – Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh… wait a minute.
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Apple’s iPhone 5 – Hecklerspray Has Exclusive Info!

September 8th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's medical fact. But pieces of fruit doesn't come complete with wireless signals, touch responsive features and slimmer looks than an anorexic model. Shout ?Apple? in the middle of any shopping centres and fully grown men will fall to their knees, bowing to a picture of Steve Jobs that they keep in their wallet.

You see, Apple users are a confusing bunch of smug individuals who like to emphasise the fact they are listening to their Apple MP3 players whilst typing away on their Apple Macbook and using Apple FaceTime with a fellow Apple enthusiast on an Apple iPad 2 to find out when the next Apple iPod touch comes out so they can effectively buy the same Apple product again.

Fans of this cult will be squealing with joy as buzz from the tech world tells us that the iPhone 5 is set to arrive in October. And we have insider gossip!

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