For those who don’t know what Panto is, it’s like a really rowdy play at the theatre, where babies are allowed to weep hysterically throughout, old men have permission to shout racist slurs at the soap opera actors, most of whom casually blurt out crudely masked sexual references in front of an auditorium mainly comprising eight-year-olds.
As is befitting such a glorious show, Panto season coincides with Christmas.
The big news this year is that Pamela Anderson will be taking part in a production of Aladdin – she’s playing the genie. The results of this have been twofold. Firstly, the audience will feel a shift in the child-to-adult ratio, with a slew of horny fathers wiping sweat from their top lips, as Pammie makes some clumsy reference to her tits. And secondly, it could mark the beginning of a Hollywood Panto season takeover. In years to come we might have De Niro playing Buttons in whichever panto it is that features Buttons. We also think that Ed Norton could really shine as Dick Whittington. But, until then, let’s bask in some of the big names from over the pond who have already lit up these so-called Pantomimes… Read More >>>
The Police Academy movies were from a simpler time – a time when a man could make a noise like a toaster with his mouth and people thought it was good.
Of course, times have moved on since then – but nobody tell Steve Guttenberg. Guttenberg has decided that he’s ready to make Police Academy 8, even though that would obviously be the worst idea that any human has ever had.
Oh, and also Steve Guttenberg says he’s making another Three Men And A Baby movie, too. And Steve Guttenberg has forgotten to take his medicine. And he needs a lie down.
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The age-old debate over whether Britain or America is better has just ended, and it's a conclusive victory for the USA.
Why? Because who did we have on our celebrity dancing reality TV show? A woman from a band nobody really remembers and a snooker player that looks like a posh walrus, that's who. But America? America has Steve Guttenberg.
It's been announced that Steve Guttenberg off Short Circuit and Police Academy will be one of the celebrities taking part in the new series of Dancing With The Stars. Other contestants include Elvis Presley's wife and that tennis player that got stabbed, but forget those losers. Steve Guttenberg's going to be on Dancing With The Stars! Nnng!
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